Korenak Christmas

This past weekend Zach, Zane and I headed South for Christmas with Zach's family. This was Zane's first go around at Christmas and he got tons of wonderful presents that he loves. We opened Christmas presents after lunch on Saturday with the whole family. The presents Zach and I got our niece and nephews had to be saved for Christmas because they would give away what their big gift of the year is, but they had plenty of presents to open from Grammi and Pappa.

Zane had not slept much all morning and finally gave into a nap right as the gift giving got under way, but Zach and I opened his gifts for him while he rested. He got his much anticipated worm quilt, that Grammi had been working on all year. It is adorable and so much fun. He also got puzzles, books, tub toys, a pull toy, a top, a stacker and many more toys he will be able to enjoy for years to come. We really need to get working on the storage shelves downstairs so we have some where to put his haul. Zach and I also loved all of our gifts, Thanks for everything it was wonderful.

The rest of the weekend was filled with family fun as we played with our niece and nephews, cuddled with Zane, caught up with everyone, and of course had tons of tasty food. All of Zane's cousins had fun playing and holding hims, which was absolutely precious. Levi, who is 18 months old, spent most of his time finding ways to get to the advent calendar and eat the M&Ms in each slot. By Sunday pretty much all the of the M&Ms had been stolen by little fingers, that is 25 days with 4 M&Ms in each pocket, leading to the calendar being moved to higher ground. There was a lot of talk about Santa and who was on what list. Adeline was very matter of fact about being on the naughty list, she didn't seem all that concerned about it, but said she was trying to be nicer in hopes of making the nice list. Very funny stuff. On Saturday they all received personal emails from Santa with their very own message, which of course was very exciting.

Zane wore his new Christmas outfit to church which was a disappointment. It was a 6-9 month size shirt/sweater vest combo with pants. The pants were too short, the vest too big, and the long sleeve button up shirt just right. I also impulse bought some shoes to match, the left shoe fit but the right shoe didn't fit at all, very strange and disappointing. So if anyone is having a baby boy I have some really cute boy dress shoes up for grabs, never worn :( ( Jamie, does little boy Jones need some new shoes?) The hat that I bought him at Babies R Us also is pretty tight, it is 6-12mn size which I thought would be fine, since I feel Zane has a cute little head, but sadly not so. I will probably squeeze him into it a couple times, but to sum it up my shopping trip was a bust, sigh.  However, everyone at church was very happy to see our smiley, healthy boy, and it was nice to be able to thank everyone for their continued prayers and support.

Sunday the weather got very blustery with the weather people calling for snow so we headed out earlier than we had planned, but a great time was had by all. The drive back was very windy and we had a a few inches of snow when we got home but we missed the "big storm" everyone had talked about. We got home early enough to put away all our new gifts, build a fire, and get some snuggles in before the crazy work week gets started. It was a wonderful Christmas, we can't wait for the next one in Oklahoma!

Dec. 11 : Things

December 11 – 11 Things What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Author

Things my life doesn't need next year....hmm. I am hoping for a very very uneventful year. Normal things, baby learning to crawl, walk, talk, eat more foods, and fun stuff like that.

1. Projectile vomit - Zane threw up more than anyone I have ever seen, projectiley, this evening so I am making this a goal.

2. Clutter in my house, time to simplify. When the house gets cluttered I get stressed.

3. Stress - nothing stressful, get it out of my life.

4. Clothes that don't fit- the skinny clothes don't motivate me they make me feel bad about myself, so to Good Will with them.

5. Weight - I have a lot to get rid of

6. Our broken air conditioner - I don't think we need a completely knew one but it needs to work before summer

7. Sleepless nights - come on Zane you can sleep through the night, I know it!

8. Squirrels - hate them

9. The broken chairs in my basement - there are two that are being held together with twine, why are we keeping these?? They have to go!

10. Regret - I have been thinking about the regrets I have since Dad died, I should let that go.

11. Guilt - Whether it be Mommy guilt that I don't get to spend more time with Zane, family guilt that I am far away from home, or guilt dealing with things I wish I would have done differently.

Dec. 10: Wisdom

December 10 – Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

I don't really know a specific wise decision that I made, but a piece of wisdom that I was told has been my mantra over the past few months. That word of wisdom was " Live in the truth of what you know." I don't remember who told me this or if I came up with it after many people told me that, but in more words. This piece of wisdom is what I go back to again and again when I start to play the "what if" game in my head, this is a deadly game and most be avoided at all cost if you ever want to move forward after devastating events. The same can be said for the "why" game, why me, why now, why my baby, why my family. This will get you no where but more depressed.

So when I would start to think about why Zane's heart condition hadn't been diagnosed in utero or what if I had known sooner, what if it was something I did that caused it, what if Mom had been at home with Dad, what if Able had stayed the night with Dad, what if Dad had come here with mom ect ect, I would go back to these words of wisdom and center myself back in the moment, back in reality, and back in the truth.

You can't ask yourself questions for which there are no answers. To quote Dad "why isn't a scientific question." I used that as a tid bit of wisdom as well. I would like to think that staying in the truth as much as possible has led me, through the difficult situations, to make wise decisions. To make the decision to try to be happy, to be present in each moment with my baby instead of dreading what was to come, to praise the Lord for the time with my Dad instead of be mad at Him for all that I will miss. Of course I wasn't always successful in this, but I tried and continue to strive to live in the truth and stay in the light.

Dec. 9: Party

December 9 – Party Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

My favorite party of the year was Zane's baptism party. There are several reasons I chose this party even though there was a tinge of sadness, what with Zane just being diagnosed and all. This weekend was the last time my whole family was together. After Zane was baptised everyone headed back to our house for a little get together. It was really the first time Zach and I had a party at our new house. It was a great day full of family, fun, food, and loving on my new baby boy. The guys were outside playing bean bags on the new bean bag boards, my nieces and nephews were playing downstairs, and I was getting great comfort from being surrounded by my family. I will treasure that day as it was my last with my father and it marked such an important day in Zane's life.

Dec. 8: Beautifully Different

December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

Recently I have felt that my life hasn't been lighting up people, but depressing people. I am trying hard to change that, but my life is what it is. However, before all the shenanigans of the past 6 months, I would say what makes me different or beautiful is my sense of humor. I love laughing and making other people laugh. Even during the difficult times of the past months I have laughed a lot, whether it was laughing with my siblings and dear friends the night of my father's funeral or laughing and joking in the Pediatric Cardiac ICU waiting area while my son was recovering from heart surgery. Before my life took a turn for the depressing people would tell me how this love of laughter and sense of humor brightened their day. I look for the joy and happiness in everyday even when sometimes I have to search pretty hard for it.

Overalls

Overalls have a special place in my heart. If Dad was at home he was most likely wearing overalls. Dad's overalls were the white and blue stripped Round House overalls. He did have some of the plane blue ones, but he preferred the stripped version. Most of his overalls were well worn, with many different patches, grease stains, and holes. This is how he liked them, well worn and worked in. Honestly, I rarely remember him ever getting new overalls, though I'm sure he did at times, but some  how they quickly became worn and patched.

When I picture my Dad this is how I picture him, coming in from a long days work, in his Round House overalls. When I arrived at the farm after Dad died the first thing I saw were Dad's overalls hanging in the laundry room, still dirty from the cattle work he had done the day before. I was taken a back with shock that one day he could be wearing overalls and boots, working cattle, and the next day he could be gone. How could that possibly be? Before we all went back home from funeral week we made bean bags, stripes and solids, out of some of his old pairs of overalls. He would have loved that.

Now the reason for the overall rambling. Zane had a pair of tiny baby overalls that he wore this summer. They were light weight, so not too hot for summer. I loved them because they made me think of Dad and I knew Dad would love to see Zane in his little overalls. Zane wore them both times Dad got the chance to see him. Zane grew out of that pair just around the time Dad died. I knew there was a larger pair of overalls in the pants drawer, but after Dad died I couldn't face having Zane wear them.

Recently I decided it was just too cute to pass up and decided it was the day to bust out the adorable overalls and try not to cry. I can't say I didn't cry, but I can say they were adorable. He wore them all day until he finally peed on them, but it warmed my heart. I also bought him a pair of striped overalls at Khols on black Friday. They are unbelievably cute, though still a little big.

 Dad loved little boys in overalls. I still can't believe Dad won't get to know my little man and that Zane won't know my amazing father. It is probably the hardest part of it all. I have great memories of my father and treasure the short time I got to know and learn from him. However, my children will miss out on the wonderful man that was my Dad. I know he is watching over us and I consider him Zane's personal angel so I am sure he loves seeing him in his miniature overalls.

Ten on Tuesday

1. I officially have all my Christmas decorations up, my Christmas cards in the mail, and all but one Christmas gift purchased (Able what do you want for Christmas?). We have yet to put lights on the house which I don't know that we are actually going to get around to this year, but this has to be a record for me. Our first Christmas celebration is this weekend! Hooray!

2. Zach and Zane are both feeling better, though Zach says that his ears are still ringing. I am hoping that his hearing comes back soon because this is leading to some pretty hysterical/frustrating conversations.

3. In amazing news, my friend Rachael is working Christmas and the day after for me so I can go home for Christmas and see Zane on his first Christmas. Her father died shortly after mine, so we are now in that awful club together, but it was the greatest Christmas gift ever. I didn't even ask her, she just offered to do it  for me and I am working New Years Eve for her. What a great friend. Thanks Rachael!!!

4. Zach and I watched Charlie Brown's Christmas tonight. I feel like it was a little early but I love it so we had to watch. My favorite part is when Linus tells Charlie the meaning of Christmas. I watch it every year to get into the Christmas spirit.

5. We are driving home for Christmas and I am starting to get a little worried about the 8 hr. car ride with Zane. Hopefully the 8 hr. trip doesn't turn into a 12 hour trip, scared!

6. Speaking of Zane in the car, Zane is very close to out growing his car seat. He weighted 17.5 lbs at his last appointment and his current car seat goes up to 22 lbs. His little feet are sticking out of the end of it as well. I am dreading the new car seat purchase due to how freakishly expensive it is going to be and how this will mean a change in our going out routine.

7. It is Christmas carol time which means a couple of things. I sing them all day, listen to the Christmas channel in the car, and use them as lullabies at night. Zach busts out his "Christmas voice" which consists of him making his voice go down about 2 octaves lower that it really should be, singing loudly, and a hysterical face goes with it. His recent illness has prevented him from getting the Christmas voice into full effect but I am sure it is coming soon.

8. How about those Sooners!!!! I talked a lot of trash at work Saturday to my friend Julie who is from Nebraska, though she is a SLU Biliken. I was very excited to go to work on Sunday rocking my Sooners shirt after our Big 12 Championship victory. It turned out to be a two for one day because not only was Julie there but the doctor on call was a Nebraska Alum, what a great day! Now I am thoroughly prepared to loose another BCS game to a random team, Sooner style.

9. Zane has recently started to bath without  his bath seat. He is loving it! He kicks and splashes and has a jolly old time. He needs some more toys to push bath time over top.

10. We are also working hard on sitting up. Zane can sit with little assistance or in a pillow "nest" as Zach calls it. He likes to reach for things, i.e. his toes or toys, but often gets distracted by his desire to chew on the pillows. It is a work in progress but we are trying. Here is a picture of him in his "nest" being very serious.