Five on Friday

1. Mom went back to Oklahoma today after a quick 3 day visit to the STL. Zach's mom and Grandma where here yesterday and we took a quick outing to the zoo and got lunch at Zia's. The Zoo was a huge disappointment. We saw basically no animals, everything was under large amounts of constructions, and my favorite part was the new huge elephant statue at the entrance to the Zoo. Glad I didn't renew my membership before we walked around. I will give it another chance when it is more summery, hopefully more animals will appear by then. To be fair we didn't spend much time there as we were on a bit of a time crunch with a sleepy boy. Here is mom, Zane, and I by the elephant statue.

2. Zane got lots of love from his three Grandmother's while his father was out of town on business. I love when all his Grandma's are together, he gets completely spoiled, but it is very neat. Here he is with Great Grandma Bake, Grandma Korenak ( Grammi), and Grandma Blakley ( who I refer to as Grandma Bell).

3. Today was a bit of a rough day. I woke up very excited about watching the royal wedding on my DVR. But when I called down to the basement, to tell mom she was missing all the fun hats, she told me there was a problem, wet carpet, dreaded words for any home owner with a finished basement. There is a bit of a water leak, not bad, but a small area of carpet is wet and there is some leaking from the ground in the laundry room area. This is,  I'm sure, due to the unbelievable amount of rain we have been having, but we have no idea how to fix this situation. For now we are shop vacing it up often, have fans blowing on it, and hoping for the best.We did manage to get the royal wedding watched. I loved it, they are so stinking cute, too much fun!

4. In great news my best friend, and Zane's God mother, got engaged yesterday to the love of her life, Jarrett Gentry. Hooray, Alleluia!!! They have been dating for quite some time and talking about getting married for a while, so I wasn't surprised this was the news she had for me when she called at 7:30 am, but I was still very excited for them. I am slightly concerned about being a Matron of Honor from 500 miles away, but I am determined to do my best. Congrats Anna and Jarrett! ( I don't really know how to spell his name, does that make me a bad friend?)

5. Last, but not least, mom and I went to the Butterfly House on our way to the airport this afternoon. We went last year when I was pregnant, so it was really neat to be back with Zane. Zane watched the butterflies very intently and loved the big waterfall. I do think the humidity made him a little sleepy, but we all had a great time. Mom renewed my Botanical Gardens membership for me, which is a wonderful gift, thanks mom. I plan on heading to the gardens often for strolls with my little man. I even got to keep the fun umbrella this year, since she got the one last year. Here are some pictures from our quick trip through the butterfly house.

Ten on Tuesday

1. Today is the first day it hasn't been raining/having tornadoes in about a week. I tried to go look at my little garden, but our yard is so muddy I barely could make it out there. We planted our tomatoes, peppers, squash, and herbs right before all the rain started so I am sure they are loving their new home.

2. My mom and Zach's mom are both coming into town tomorrow for a couple days of fun. Hopefully the rain is over so we can go do some sort of fun spring activities outside. The St. Louis airport is back up and running after sustaining significant tornado damage this past week so hopefully mom gets here without major delays.

3. I have spent all day cleaning house with the help, or not so much help, of Zane. I try to do most of the cleaning while he is sleeping because he follows behind me making new little messes. He has a great time, but it makes my job much harder.

4. I am embarrassingly excited about the Royal Wedding on Friday. I am not going to get up at 3am to watch it, but I am DVRing and can't wait to watch it.  Though I still think Will and could have lived happily ever after ( I had a poster of him in my room growing up, I was just sure we were meant to be.)

5. Zane's new favorite play place is the kitchen. He can explore drawers and cabinets for hours. Most things are harmless and make  great toys, though I did have to move the apple slicer to a taller drawer.

6. Zach has another busy week of traveling ahead. Tomorrow he has an eight hour drive, followed by another long trip/overnight stay on Thursday. I wonder if he plans his trips for when mom is here of if that is just a coincidence.

7. Look at Zane's new trick, which of course he figured out how to do after I cleaned the glass door for the first time in forever. It is terribly adorable and one of the reasons I was excited about this house having a glass front door. He stood at the door, watching Zach work on the flower beds, for a long time tonight saying "da da. "

8. He has also learned how to stand up in the bathtub which is still cute but also terrifying. The child really thinks he should be able to stand and crawl in the bathtub, both of which I am pretty sure would lead to him drowning.

9. For anyone who doesn't also follow my sisters blog, she has had recipe week this past week, featuring tons of fun recipes from not only her, but family and friends. I am looking forward to trying some of the tasty recipes. Check out her blog here. You can also see some adorable pictures of my niece and nephew if you scroll all the way to the bottom and click older posts. They are just darling, I can't wait to see them in a couple weeks.

10. I am starting to look forward to my birthday spa trip, since May is my b-day month and this is my yearly tradition. I need to schedule it soon to ensure I can get in during the month of May. I wish my birthday wasn't in the same month as Mother's Day so I could get two spa days a year.

6 months since surgery

It has been 6 months since Zane's surgery. We have been on a journey of healing these past six months. Zane's journey is over, I am still a bit of a work in progress. Over the past six months, especially this past week as the six month date was growing closer, I have reflected on how Zane's surgery and diagnosis changed my experience of motherhood. It's the only one I know, but I feel like I missed a lot of the simple joys, which were over shadowed by worry, sadness, and grief. I talked to my friend Michelle last night about her first week of motherhood and she is so profoundly happy. It is wonderful. I could hear in her voice her deep love for her new baby. My first week of parenthood was full of fear, ending in utter sadness.

I grieve for the experiences that were lost. The simple joys of sitting with my new baby, loving him, and thinking of a bright happy future ahead. Most of my time sitting alone with Zane I was crying, to be perfectly honest. The other day I was cuddling a little baby at work, cooing and talking to him, and someone asked me if that is how I was with Zane. The question hit me like a ton of bricks, because for the most part I was not. I was trying to survive, working hard at not crying, and the praying fervently for his health. I missed those times and those experiences. It weighs heavy on my heart. I can't say it is a regret, because I was doing the best I could with the situation I was handed, but I hate it.

I woke up one day and he was 9 months old, crawling, babbling, not wanting to be cuddled anymore, and I had missed it. I missed it amidst so much stress and sorrow. Not just with his surgery, but with the loss of my father, all of that shook me to my core. During the times when I thought I literally could stand to fight another day, I did, for Zane. It has been a rough journey but through it all my little man has been my strength, my happy thought, and I do not  take for granted the miracle that is his life, for one second.

I hold him a little longer now, trying to soak up the time that is left of him being a baby, willing to sleep on my shoulder. He is a little ball of energy now, which at times can try my patience. However, in those moments I think about the alternative, what it would be like if we weren't blessed to live in this country where his major heart surgery is pretty common place. I would take the ball of energy, making a mess of my house, any day over the alternative. His scar has faded and hopefully his memories are beginning to as well.

Happy Easter a little early

Since I have to work tomorrow we celebrated today instead. I really should say "celebrated" because there was really no fan fare or celebration besides giving Zane his Easter basket this morning and him being thoroughly confused by the situation. As you can see by the pictures, he looks pretty suspicious of the the whole thing and kept his little eye brows furrowed the whole time. His favorite part of the basket was probably the miniature eggs that I randomly took from some of my decorations this morning in an attempt to make his basket slightly more "eastery." He did also spend a lot of time playing with the little blue ball, known in our family as a "tickle" ball, thanks to Brendan. He made a horrible face every time he touched it or tried to eat it, not sure about this new texture yet I guess. He had his own little Easter egg hunt, crawling after them as they rolled around the house. His favorite by far was the purple, which he carried around for most of the day.

We had Easter Bunny pancakes for breakfast, courtesy of Zach's wonderful pancake making skills. Zach and I loved them, but Zane was having none of it. It was a gloomy day outside so we didn't get much done. After family nap time we were going to make "quick" trip to Target to pick up some storage containers for Zane's clothes he has grown out of and more frosting for my Easter cupcakes for work. Well, turns out Target is the place to be the day before Easter. Who knew? It was a mad house, like the week before Christmas. The Target trip became a HUGE debacle, about which I will spare you the gruesome details. I will just suffice it to say check to make sure the lids you get actually fit the storage containers you buy. Just because it is directly above the container does not mean it fits that container. Also, don't throw away your receipts from Target because the moment you do that you will need it to get yourself out of a huge debacle. The trip ended with me enraged, but on a happier note it was costumer appreciation day at the gas station so we got hot dogs and soda's for twenty five cents ( after spending $50 filling up my gas tank of course).

Once we were home from the debacle I finished decorating my oh too cute Easter cupcakes, we watch some of the cards game, Zane played, and I organized his old clothes. I called and checked in with my family who are all at the farm. I wish I could be there hunting eggs and watering baby trees with them. I haven't seen my siblings, niece, or nephew since January and am missing them dearly. I had a rough missing dad moment today while putting Zane down for a nap. His little head and hair looks just like dad's. It is still hard for me to believe that Zane will never know him. It would have made an awfully cute picture, dad and Zane with their matching hair. Sad face.

We read the last super and Easter story out of Zane's children's bible and I sang Jesus Christ Has Risen today numerous times to push our Easter celebrations over the top. I briefly thought about going to Easter Vigil, but then I found out they do confirmation, first communion, and baptisms at the service that starts at 7pm I thought better of it. This was a good call as Zane went to bed early since he missed his last nap. Now Zach and I are going to watch Harry Potter for our Easter celebration.

Hope you all have a wonderful Easter! Much love from the Show-Me-State!

Learning to use a fork

About a week ago Zane decided to try to actually use his fork. He often takes it from me and waves it around with much glee or throws it on the floor, but until recently he never actually tried to get the food off of it into his mouth. I can't say he was very successful at his attempts but we worked on it and he did manage to get a few bites in his mouth.

You could argue that possibly it would be easier and much safer to learn how to use a spoon first, but I couldn't face the mess that letting Zane try to feed himself apple sauce would make, so we worked on eating pasta off a fork. Turns out what Zane is really good at is taking the piece of pasta off the fork, putting it in his mouth with one hand, while holding the fork in the other. It's a start. He of course couldn't get things on the fork, but a few times when I had put the pasta on it for him he managed to get the fork in his mouth and successfully get the piece of pasta off. Of course with his recent interest in taking things out of his mouth I'm not sure how much of this meal he actually ate, but it lead to some pretty adorable pictures.

Here he is trying to get the pasta on his fork, that didn't happen.

 And of course there was some confusion on which end of the fork was suppose to go in the mouth, because both ends are so fun to chew on. What a cutie!!

Zane's Easter Basket

 About a month or so ago I got really excited about Zane's first Easter. I really wanted to make him an Easter basket as a fun arts and crafts project and couldn't wait to see him enjoy his new toys on Easter morning. This was obviously before I realized I had to work on Easter, but I figured he needed a basket anyway so I forged ahead. I saw an idea sort of like this on some crafty blog but I made it my own with letters and a little ribbon. So here is how I made his adorable first Easter basket.

Supplies:

Miniature bushel basket - $4 from Micheals
Easter Ribbon - $1 at Hobby Lobby
White spray paint - $4 Lowe's ( I tried the $0.99 can first and it didn't work at all)
Hot glue gun and glue sticks - I already had these on hand
Fun letters - $0.50 each at Hobby Lobby
Goodies to put inside - I got most of them from the One Spot at Target, but I also got him a fun little chick from Hobby Lobby, it's Easter after all.

How to:

First, I spray painted the basket white. This seemed like it should be the easiest step, one paper. However, I apparently didn't know how to use spray paint very well. Zach gave me a few pointers, like the importance of shaking the paint for two whole minutes before starting. It took a couple coats of paint and some tricky ways of getting the inside of it painted, but it looked good once I figured out how to use spray paint :) Here is the basket before I put the ribbon and letters on.

 Once the paint was dried I added the ribbon and the letters. I hot glued the ribbon around the top of the basket and added just a little bow on the handle.  I restrained from putting a huge bow on top, since he is a boy. The letters actually ended up being a little bit big for the basket. His four letters go almost all the way around the basket, but I think it looks very springy and festive.

All that was left to do was all the goodies and put away until Easter morning!! I am sure he will love it!!!
Here are the goodies and the finished project.

Welcome Baby Wamser

Congratulations to Michelle and Ryan who, finally, welcomed their baby boy into the world last night.
James Ryan Wamser was born April 19, 2011 at 10:52pm. He weighed in at 8 lbs 8 oz and is 20.5 inches long. Mother and baby are doing "fantastically" to quote the text I got from Michelle late last night.

I am thrilled for them and wanted to be one of the first to welcome them into parenthood. I know sometimes my parenthood stories terrify people ( mainly the ones about my son having open heart surgery) but in reality the day you become a parent is the best day ever. You will never be the same. I can't wait to meet little James. Zane is also very excited to meet his new little friend and they are both 19th babies so I'm sure they will be best buddies.

Ten on Tuesday

1. We finally took Zane to Grant's Farm on Sunday. The weather was perfect, low 70s, and we had a blast. We saw the elephants, ate a little family snack, and saw all the other fun little creatures there during our short outing. I didn't realize that the Clydesdale were separate from everything else and by the time we were done with everything else Zane was too tired to see the horses. Next time we will go there first. Here he is in his stroller having a blast. P.S. Mom added some snaps to his stroller the last time she was here and it has really made a world of difference with him being able to sit up straighter.

2. I worked today and housekeeping decided to wax the floors of some of the empty rooms. The smell of the was is God awful leading to all of the staff having splitting headaches. That cannot be good for the sick children.

3. Minor soap box moment. Get your kids helmets for their bicycles. Last night I saw four kids riding around the neighborhood without helmets, most of them straight down the middle of the road, and then today at work I got a kid out of the PICU who had epidural and subdural brain bleed from falling off her bike without a helmet. I have seen much worse than her, so go get some helmets for bicycle season. Ok I'm off my soap box, and yes my kids will get to ride bikes, but no they won't be riding ATVs EVER!!

4.It is tornado thirty here this evening. We are playing in the basement watching the "weather coverage." I am yet again amazed at how horrible the weather coverage here is. When I pulled up in front of the house the sirens started going off, but when I walked inside there wasn't any weather coverage on TV. We decided we should go downstairs since who knows where the tornadoes might be. On two different stations the weather men said "we aren't really going to focus on any specific tornadoes since there are so many storms, we are just going to give you the big picture." They then zoomed out on the map and showed a line of storms from about Chicago to Arkansas and said that entire area could possibly have tornadoes and people should seek cover. They then went to the breaking news coverage of some guy driving on the high way in the rain with a "dash cam." This is what I learned, you should use windshield wipers during this storm. So horrible!

5. Happy Birthday, a day late, to my sister in law, Trina. Hope you had a great birthday. We hope to see you soon!

6. On the birthday note I am getting very excited for my nephews super ultra golden birthday. He is turning eight on May 8th. I wish I had thought of that last year before I took him to the Cardinals game, the best gift ever!! Now how are we going to follow that up.

7. Last week, while on my money saving kick, I managed to save us $100 a month just by making some phone calls and surfing the internet for hours. We decreased the number of minutes on our cellphone plan, I got back on promotional rates for our cable/internet, and we are currently working on switching our house and car insurances to Country Financial which will save us some money as well. I'm pretty proud of myself, though it did take the better part of two days to make happen.

8. I was hoping to get to welcome Michelle's baby into the world on this Ten on Tuesday. She left work yesterday with contractions five minutes apart, but they stopped once she got home and rested. However, she is currently at the hospital, amidst the tornado warnings/sirens, enjoying some lovely Pitocin. So I'm sure little 'Kevin' will be in the world soon and we can finally figure out what gender he really is. I'm so excited!

9. My plan for tomorrow is going to buy tomato, pepper, and squash plants. I attempted this Sunday, but the place I went didn't have a very good selection and their workers were rude, so they lost my buisness.

10. I think the tornadoes have passed, just guessing. So I guess I will take the peanut butter, jelly, bread, and Baked Doritos back upstairs. I am leaving our important papers and jewelry down here just in case we have to come back down later. On second thought maybe I should leave the peanut butter and Doritos as well.  

10 month update

I cannot believe that Zane is 10 months old tomorrow ( I am posting this tonight because I have to work tomorrow).I say that every month, but time is flying by and he is getting so big and independent. Zane is 100% busier than he was a month ago. He is crawls wherever he wants to go, pulls ups, cruises around, and is into everything. Sounds just like a 10 month old, right. Before Zane had surgery people who had known kids with the same kind of condition had told us "just wait until he gets his repair, he will become a little spit fire with all his new found energy." I didn't believe this at the time because I never really thought he was that tired or "without energy" before his repair. However, over the past couple weeks this has really begun to ring true. He also seems completely fearless and not in the least bit cautious. I feel like he has the attitude /personality of a middle child, though I am quite certain he doesn't have any sibling.

Zane thinks he can walk, but in no way can by himself, which leads to a  lot of bonks on the head as of late. He can get from the couch to the coffee table if he really puts his mind to it. He will walk if we hold his hands, but of course would rather crawl ( it's so much faster for heavens sake). His new found ability of getting from sitting to standing quickly has led to many new things to play with and destroy. He can pull things off the coffee table, which leads to hours of fun of tearing up magazines. He can stand up by the couch, drooling on it and trying to climb it, he can get to standing in his crib with ease ( helping to keep him awake), and is enjoying his activity table he got for Christmas much more now that he can stand and play with it.

As far as looks go Zane is his normal adorable self only bigger. He seems very tall and skinny to me, though he is quite heavy. His hair is starting to look more yellow instead of pure white, which makes him look older some how. His facial expressions are all Zach. He has Zach's 'concentration' face when he is examining things and his big smile is purely from his dad. It is unbelievably cute. Also, as you can see in this picture his scar has almost completely faded. The very top of it is still a little redder than the rest of it, but it is amazing how much it has faded over the past 6 months. His soft spot is also much smaller, which I know is a complete neurology nurse thing to keep track of, but I assess it, by habit, on a daily basis.

 An area where Zane has taken a few steps backwards is his eating table food. If I had written this a week ago I would have said that Zane eats everything in sight and totally enjoys feeding himself any sort of finger food or small bite of food I give him. However, over the past week Zane has decided to be a picky eater, much to my annoyance. I feel like somehow I should be teaching him a lesson that he has to eat what he is given, but I don't think he is grasping that concept at all. He still loves putting food in his mouth, but he also enjoys spitting it out just as much. He also loves throwing his food or just hitting it until it is are all over his high chair tray. I do think he has developed a sweet tooth, possibly because he had his first bites of ice cream this month, so he will usually eat yogurt and apple sauce without complaint. I tried to tell him man cannot live on yogurt and apple sauce a lone, or can he??

We have recently started trying to get him to drink out of his sippy cup more, in preparation for the end of formula, which also isn't going to well. I bought new sippy cups that actually don't leak, but he can't seem to figure out how to use them properly. He will chew on it like a teething toy and loves the sound the water makes in it, but doesn't really drink out of it per say. He does still drink out of the ones that have the nipple top, maybe I should just stop fighting it and let him drink out of that. Pretty sure he had his first taste of juice this past month when Grandma Blakley was here, purely to get things moving along, and of course he thoroughly enjoyed it. Hopefully we make a lot of progress in the eating and drinking area over the next two months. We welcome suggestions.

 Zane has grown up in other ways as well. He rarely sleeps with his binki anymore, though still needs his blanket. Sometimes he does fall asleep while using a binki, but promptly spits it out after he falls asleep. He does still find it very entertaining to throw it out of his crib when he is suppose to be sleeping. It is uncanny how he can throw his binkis down to the exact same spot every time. Silly boy! Sleeping is a complete crap shoot with Zane. I would say he sleeps through the night the majority of the time, however on the nights when he gets up he is up for far too long (Sunday night 2 hours). He rolls around, kicking the walls, until he is comfy, leading to some adorable sleeping positions like this one where his little bottom was fully in the air, so precious.

I feel his play has changed a little this month as well. He now plays with multiple things at once, hitting his maraca against his ball, or taking his ball and putting it in the clothes hamper. Oh and he loves the clothes hamper, specifically loves taking out the folded clothes and playing with them ( which is not frustrating at all ). He is much more into pulling things out of drawers (i.e. DVDs) and off the book case. He did find his books the other day and proceeded to pull them all down and take inventory of everything.

Zane's favorite things still remain his mommy and daddy, lucky for us. There is no better feeling in the world than seeing the look of pure joy and love on the face of your baby when you get home from a long day at work. Yesterday when I got home he was sitting on the kitchen floor "helping" with the dishes and when I walked in the door he furiously crawled to me with a look of unbelievable excitement on his face and I melted. We are so blessed. He is an amazing little guy, learning and growing so much before our eyes. I continue to pray for patience and I am trying to soak in each day and each new stage. Happy 10 month B-Day Little Man!

Becky's Wedding

Last night Zach and I had the pleasure of attending my friend Becky's wedding. I have worked with Becky for two and half years now and consider her one of my dear friends. She has always been wonderfully kind and support of me, whether during work or personal struggles and hard times. So I was very excited when, last year around this time, I found out she was going to be marring her soul mate, Mike. I had never met her husband before last night, but I could tell they truly loved each other and I have never seen Becky so happy.

This was the first Jewish wedding I had been to and it did not disappoint. The ceremony seemed the perfect length to me. Not as long and confusing as my Catholic wedding, but longer than some fifteen minute weddings I have been to. They exchanged beautiful vows, read a poem the completely summed up all the wishes and prayers you have for anyone's marriage, and of course blessed the couple with all the traditions of their faith. After the ceremony we sent them off to the receptions with bubbles and cheers.

The reception was held at the beautiful Coronado Ballroom, with Sushi and drinks before, salad, salmon, and steak for dinner, and of course delicious wedding cake for dessert. It was great to see all my work friends dressed up and having a good time. We all enjoyed dancing the night away with Becky, though Zach and I did leave a little bit early so our baby sitter could get home. All of us were especially excited to see that Michelle made it since she is still pregnant. I don't know how excited Michelle is about still being pregnant, but she had a great time as well. One last party before baby!

Here is Amy, myself, and Maggie doing the classic prom picture.

Zach and I looking like we do in all our pictures. Zach wore his Mizzou bow tie in honor of the bride and groom, both Mizzou alumni.


So congrats to the happy couple. May you be blessed with many happy, healthy years of marriage. My prayer for you is that you always laugh more than you cry. Welcome to married life, it's a blast!

Here is the SLCH crew, looking all beautiful on the dance floor!

Outdoor adventures

Zane has had a few outside adventures this spring. Most of them have involved Zane playing in his bouncer, which he has enjoyed, but it is high time the little man got a little dirty. Last weekend Zane and Zach had some fun mud time while Zach was working on the sprinkling system. I was slightly concerned when I heard 'mud time' took place while Zane was wearing his new adorable summer outfit, but not to worry I got all the mud out. Zach reported that Zane was slightly freaked out at first but in the end enjoyed it. Here is Zane after 'mud time'.

Thursday it was beautiful outside and Zane had refused to nap so we went outside for some more outdoor adventures. Adventure may be a strong word, really he was just set free in the yard, but didn't really want to crawl, so he just sat in the grass, playing with the sweet gum balls, violets, grass, and he even managed to find a little dirt. It was unbelievably adorable to watch him take in his new surroundings. He was very serious as he examined all the new things, of course trying to eat them all. His favorite were the sweet gum balls which he found many new things to do with and after a few tries at eating them he realized this was a bad idea.

The first few minutes after he sat down he kept one foot in the air, not sure of how the grass felt on his feet/legs. Also possibly because Zane is constantly working his abs and this made for a great ab work out. The grass grew on him and within no time he had his feet in the grass/dirt rubbing them around. Such fun!

We stayed outside until I started to get a little hot, so I am sure he was as well. He tried crawling around a little, but the sweet gum balls on his little legs scared him away. It was a simple afternoon, but so much fun. I can't wait for him to be running around in the grass. I know it isn't as far away as it feels.

Guess what I found

This afternoon I laid Zane down for his second nap after giving him his bottle. He was very sleepy so I didn't even think getting him to take a nap would be much of a battle. I put him down, went to gather up all my insurance paper work so I could call my new insurance man, and then went to take a quick peek on Zane before calling him. Zane was very quite, no wall kicking or anything like that, so I was sure he was asleep. When I opened the door this is what I found....

Zane was standing up, very quietly, waiting for me to come in so he could squeal with glee as he showed me his brand new trick. He has been working very hard on standing up in his crib and he was so proud of himself today when he finally succeeded. I, of course, had to go grab my camera and we had a little photo shoot, complete with Zane giving me some cheesy smiles! I love him!

The down side of this fun new trick, it makes getting Zane to put himself to sleep for nap almost impossible.