Ten on Wednesday

1. Back to school after fall break was difficult for the boys. everyone was tired, but it was Red Ribbon Week which meant first day back was PJ day. You can see how excited everyone was about it. Two of the kids from our bus stop moved out of the neighborhood and which means it's just use and Rowan's little friend from across the street.

 2.  Thatcher and I got to have birthday tacos with Uncle Able on Wednesday. Toddler lunch with Uncle Able is the best.

 3.  Friday was dress like your favorite story book character at school day, for the Harvest parties. Rowan made an adorable little Harry Potter. We have gotten so many miles out of this costume and it never gets old.

 Meanwhile Zane's Willy Wonka was also amazing. The costume was a little too big so I spent an afternoon hemming up the sleeves and exchanging the bow tie for a better version. He broke this bow tie on the way to school so since this picture I've fix the bow tie again and just hot glued it to the shirt. Here's hoping it makes it through tomorrow.

 Thatcher had his own silly fun at home with me during the day.

 4. Friday was my first go around with two school parties on the same day. Everyone did great and had a lovely time. I was glad I got to go, Rowan was so excited to finally have his own party to attend after years of going to Zane's with me. Thanks to Uncle Able for hanging out with T so I could give the big kids my full attention for a little bit.

 5. We got to watch this sweet baby girl on Friday evening while his parents had a date night before baby brother arrives. Alice is just darling and I love watching her and Thatcher play and grow up together. Look at her sweet face!!

 6. Saturday morning Rowan requested to see his best friend play soccer. Everett did great and the boys had a blast cheering him on. I'm so glad we went and Rowan's tender heart never ceases to amaze me.

 7. We finally made it to a pumpkin patch this weekend as well. Thatcher could have taken pumpkins and put them in the wagon all day. Toddlers saying "pumpkin" is the cutest thing ever.

 8. Sunday night was the annual Blakley Halloween extravaganza. This year Able and Kari hosted the event at their new house. In retrospect I feel a little bad about this since Kari is nine months pregnant. Sorry Kari, we love you!! That being said it was a blast and my kids brought their costume A game, and by A game I mean all the costumes we own so they could have multiple costume changes. Thatcher had the time of his life, chatting up the crowd, getting everyone to feed him, and loading himself up on sugar all evening.

 



 I'm on year number three of planning my Halloween costumes around the red tutu I own. Pirate, strawberry, and this year a red M&M to go with my chocolate making son Willy Wonka!

 



9. Monday night was Zane's last baseball game of the season. Zane was very emotional that the season was ending and I was very emotional at how far this kid has come. I couldn't be prouder of the hard work he has put in to getting back his game. I don't know where we will end up next season, and this season was difficult, but it was also such an absolute blessing that I got to see this kid play baseball again.

My favorite part of the game was when the coach let every player decide where they wanted to play defense during the last inning. Zane got to play first base or third base all season. Those are the two biggest spots in little league, where all the plays are, where he has wanted to play for years, but when it came time to choose he went back to left field and let other kids have a turn at first base. Love him!

Celebratory ice cream afterwards of course. Zach had a work event Monday and I hate that he missed Zane's last game.

 

10. Lastly, we found a nursery that was going out of business and got a heck of deal on trees. I would plant fifteen trees in our backyard if Zach would be ok with it, but he makes a good point that we still need a baseball field out there was well. So we bought four big trees, three for the backyard and one for our front yard. I love them! Hopefully we can see them get big and provide some much needed shade in our backyard.

 

 This picture of my three gorgeous boys, in a hole full of dirt, might just be my favorite thing in the world. They all worked hard helping us dig this hole. Thatcher loves jumping in and threw dirt at his big brothers while they dug. Love these kiddos, they work hard and they are excited to "help the earth" with our trees.

 

Tonight we TRICK OR TREAT! HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVEYRONE!





Tales of a TET Baby: 8th Annual FIRST Heart Birthday

Zane's heart birthday has always been a celebration of his life. A milestone for me to sit back and assess where we are in our heart journey. As we made our way into October this year Zane and I discussed that we now need to clarify which heart birthday we are talking about. His first heart birthday is today. Eight years ago was the first time doctors stopped his heart, held it in their hands, and repaired multiple things that were wrong with it. Also eight years ago today, while repairing the pulmonary stenosis that was life threatening at the time, those miracle workers of physicians also rendered his pulmonary artery valve useless. This was a footnote of that day eight years ago. A minor comment, "unfortunately the stenosis was right at the level of his pulmonary valve so he will need a valve placement in the future, but probably not until he is a teenager," an after thought of that day. I remember it being disappointing, but also remember quickly pushing that thought aside and rejoicing in the miracle that was our son's little life having been saved. We had at least thirteen years to worry about that. That thought remained pushed to the back of my mind, solidly in denial, ignoring warning signs, right up until we were hit by a bus on our heart journey.

First Heart Birthday

Second Heart Birthday



 

So in preparation for this years First Heart Birthday post I thought I'd go read last year's post, to see if there was any sense that something terrible was about to happen on our journey. I didn't remember what I had written at all. What I read was an eerie foreshadowing of our eighth year on our heart journey. Here is a little snippet of it, the back story was Zane was crying while getting a splinter taken out of his hand in the living room, Rowan was crying in his room for his brother, and this is what followed:

I found tiny little Rowan, curled in a ball, in his little bed cave, clutching his blanket, crying about his big brother. "He's my favorite brother!!!!!! He teaches me everything!" He teaches me how to read!"  "Is he going to be ok? I miss him!" Just a blubbering mess of sadness. Part of me found it really entertaining because Zane was having a splinter taken out of his hand, so was in no way in any danger of dying. The other part of me was stricken with panic, flashing forward to Zane's next surgery when he won't be coming home for a few days, he'll be in actual danger of potentially dying, and little Rowan will have to deal with all of that most likely without his parents present. Obviously he'll be older, but I am beginning to think about and/or worry about how his future surgery is going to effect our whole family, not just how terrifying it is going to be for me.

 

That pretty well sums up this year on our heart journey. This year there has definitely been a turn in the road of our heart journey. I feel like we've started on the next phase where surgery isn't imminent, but it's also not a decade away. It is becoming more of a reality and I find myself worrying about much more tangible, real things not just hypothetical.

 

Yeah so turns out surgery was imminent. Everything was terrifying to me and it all became very real very quickly. Rowan was definitely scared his brother might die and he was only a few months older than when I wrote that. Zane's next surgery was unbelievably hard on the entire family. Thatcher was a baby, I missed a lot of his cute little milestones amongst the stress of an upcoming surgery. I spent most of his first birthday party in a state of paralyzing fear because Zane had thrown up and he was supposed to have an MRI the next week. I spent a lot of time marveling at the fact that we had decided to have another baby. We would probably not have done that had we expected another open heart surgery so soon. Poor little Rowan was on his own a lot. I missed a lot of things. His fifth birthday was days after Zane's ER visit, so to say I was distracted would be an understatement. During all of this Rowan somehow became the one offering cuddles and support to me instead of the other way around. All of this to say nothing about the hell Zane had to go through as his body got tired and he became unable to do the things he loved.









There was definitely a turn in the road of our heart journey this year, a gigantic, hard, sharp, painful turn. The biggest part that is missing from these fears of the future that I listed was what turned out to be the hardest, most gut wrenching part of his next surgery, that I had NEVER thought about, trying to talk my child through their fear of dying. Holding your child while they say, "I'm scared I'm going to die Mom" is the worst thing a parent can go through short of actually losing your child. I'd never envisioned seven year old Zane going through the pain, the stress, and the fear of another surgery. We were caught completely off guard, but somehow we made it through it. We just kept going, one day at a time, and when that was too much, one minute at a time. We warriored on, we all found strength we never knew we had, we did all the hard things, and lived to tell about it.



Zane's second heart birthday came quickly and by surprise, it felt much more traumatic than the first, possibly because it is so fresh in my mind. Looking back on our eighth year on this journey I feel a great deal of pride for my heart warrior. He truly has earned that title after the year he's been through. He handled every obstacle with a great attitude, all be it scared, he warriored on. His heart story became much more real to him this year, not just stories I had told him about a surgery he had as a baby, but real life, horrible memories that he can look at and say "If I made it through that I can do anything!" Now that he's through it he's telling his story, he's going to be the face of CHD for others to see and be inspired by.



Zane also understands there will be a third heart birthday at some point, I'm less quick to push that fact to the back of my mind this time around, that fear sticks around now, always at the front of my memory. Every time Zane says he's tired my heart stops. Every time he complains of his chest hurting (his stripe still hurts when he sneezes) I feel sick. Every time he needs to rest to catch his breath, has a fever, goes to the dentist, anything, I briefly panic. I missed the warning signs last time which means from now on I'll be hyper aware, something I have to learn to manage and find a new normal with in the ninth year of this journey.

So this year Zane's eighth heart birthday fell on harvest party day at school. There was an author's visit, it was dress up as your favorite literary character day, and class party day all in one. Zane was dressed as Willy Wonka (his Halloween costume which also happens to be in a book, which he hasn't read, no big deal). We are bringing treats for his class on Monday to celebrate his special heart.

 





Since having heart surgery Zane has become a teacher's favorite. His specials teachers all took great care of him this summer, coming to visit him in the hospital and at home. They come and get him to do special things with other children who have been through difficult things. There is a third grader who has leukemia and a fellow second grader whose mom died of cancer the same day Zane had surgery. These three get to be in all the pictures, get to meet all the fun people, get to be in the front of the line at the walk-a-thon, a broken kids club of sorts. Zane told me one of the girls had "kind eyes," and one "seems so strong." Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” — Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

So Zane this year my pray for you is that you may continues to find beautiful people to surround yourself with. I pray that you can continue to become a beautiful, strong, kind, empathic young man through the trials and struggles that life you have gone through. I pray that you may never forgets how supremely blessed you are to be on this earth and never wastes a moment of this life. I pray that you know how proud I am of you and that I love you dearly. Happy First Heart Birthday Zane, warrior on!



Fall Break 2018

Well turns out I forgot to put fall break on my calendar, which meant I scheduled myself to work the week right in the middle of fall break. So instead of going somewhere fun we tried to find fun closer to fun. The weather turned cold this week with more rain and it officially feels like fall. Thursday we headed to mom's with Abbey's kids to explore the farm.

Here is T infront of the huge mulberry tree that was on this farm when they staked the claim. It will out live us all.

 Able and baby Alice came up to join the fun as well. Alice nearly gave me a heart attack on the bridge, picking up rocks. Everyone survived the rock throwing adventure.

 Maggie and Zane were representing Hufflepuff Thursday and had fun playing wizarding school in the tree house with their brothers.

 A must do in the fall at the farm is hay bale running. The bales were farther apart than normal, which made for a little more challenging jumps, but everyone faced their fears and ending up doing a great job.

 Even little Rowan, with his broken arm, braved the big jumps and did wonderful. He didn't always make it, but we learned that you just get back up again. When we left he said, "mom can we come back to the hay bales later. I have got to get back into my fears." If you're scared, do it scared!

 Sweet sweet baby T was just as adorable as every toddler is when they are toddling around the farm. He's big enough to wear the buffalo plaid jacket, which is a big milestone. He and Alice toddling around was just the cutest thing I have ever seen.

 The big kids made a club house and Thatcher joined their meeting.

 These two little nuggets spent a lot of time finding bird statues in the garden, there are lots of birds so this kept them busy for awhile. Each bird got pats and waves hello.

 Of course they also need to see the fishies in the pound.

 However the highlight for Thatcher, by far, was getting to see the moo moos. Thatcher is a huge fan of cows so getting to say hello to some real ones made his day, "hi moo moos!" Look at his darling little hand.

 The big kids went on an impromptu snake hunt and found on little garter snake and one big snake skin.

 Thatcher and I came home Thursday evening, which was a good call since he ended up spiking a fever Thursday night when we got home. I think he must be getting more teeth because nothing else seemed to be wrong with him. Look at this silly face. We had the morning to ourselves while the boys had more fun at the farm.

 Friday afternoon I took these two kiddos and Zane to see Hotel Transylvania 3 at the dollar movie. I could have done without seeing that particular movie, but the boys liked it and we had a great evening out.

I worked all weekend, which is great since I've been getting canceled a lot lately, but also meant that I missed some fun. The boys went the Mended Little Hearts, OKC event at the pumpkin patch. The OKC Little Mended Hearts group is still in the beginning phases, I think this was their first event. Per Zach the pumpkin patch was maybe geared to a younger crowd, but everyone had a good time. I think that Zane was hoping to meet more kids his age who also had stripes. I really need to find a camp for heart kiddos for him to go to next summer.

 



 

Monday the boys were also off of school so we had a fun morning at the very spooky zoo. It was a gorgeous morning and I dearly miss when this was what I did once a week, trips to the zoo, funtivities with my kiddos. Now we rarely get to go do stuff with all three of them. Thatcher loved having them all here for a few days. Tuesday morning Thatcher was back to wondering around looking for his brothers.