Ten on Tuesday

1. This week we celebrated Brendan's ninth birthday. He is a big cool kid now who told me that it felt bad to be nine, while holding back a big smile. I love him dearly and occasionally he has conversations with me now, against his better judgement I'm sure, but maybe Aunt Audra is cooler than previously thought! Happy Bday B! 

 Aunt Audra and Uncle Able love to party. 

2. My sweet little Ro baby is doing great with his potty training. He made it through a day at school in underwear, including nap time, then had one little accident the next day.**These two sentences were written yesterday. Today has been a disaster and I am hoping/praying he has whatever GI issue Zane had yesterday but things went off the rails this morning including poop in his bed. He has pooped more today than he usually does in a month, not an exaggeration, so I gave up and he finished the day out in pull ups.  But we power onward and he is very motivated to not wear diapers again because, "he's big like Bobo." So hopefully figures it out.

 Too big!

3. So my fun, randomly getting cancelled last weekend has turned into a slight career crisis since I only worked eight hours last week. I hear that this is always the slow season for Flex Pool, what with all the travel nurses, winter bonuses, and drop in NICU census. None of that makes it easier to sit around and stress out about whether or not I'm going to get to work/get paid. I'll stick it out awhile long, maybe go back to Flex II, which is a five dollar an hour pay cut, but less frequently cancelled. Who knows, but very stressful and a terrible reminder that I have no backup plan and do not actually enjoy my career path. Tomorrow I'm training in MRI, so who knows what that holds. Prayers are welcome!

4. I tried to pick up on Saturday, but of course they didn't need me, so I tried to hide my boarder line mental breakdown with a deep interest in Australia. Zane wanted to learn about his new Koala bear, which he got after his cardiology appointment, so I jumped in and turned our house into the Australian Outback. We have a Eucalyptus tree in the living room, koalas, kangaroos, wombats, and all sorts of other Outback creatures. I found masks for all these animals online, so we had all sorts of Outback animals roaming around. I didn't even plan our interest in Australia around today being Australia Day, but it is so we were ready to celebrate!

My little koala boys, Rowan is a baby, of course, so needed to ride around on the daddy's back. Did I mention we checked out four books on koalas at the library. We know everything about them and wombats, next week's library trip I'm sure will be all about Australia as well.

 Kangaroo Zane, Rocking his scar!

 

 Today's addition were two little platypuses to go in the pond which we made for under the Eucalyptis tree. We also brought all of Rowan's stuffed dogs out to be Dingoes, hopefully all the animals can get along, it's quite the habitat. 

 

 5. Oklahoma's earthquakes continue and our two little boys are used to them at this point. So much so that they use them as excuses for lots of things. This week Zane told me there had to be have been an earthquake because all the stuff on the shelf, above his bed, had fallen down. Right, I'm sure he didn't take it all down and play with it when he was supposed to be sleeping.

 6. In related news we had family Lincoln Log night and built an entire village, using every piece, of all four Lincoln Log sets Zane got for Christmas. Of course the next morning, when multiple house were knocked down Zane claimed it was an earthquake. What else would cause them to be knocked over, definitely not Zane running around crazy!

I made this watch tower, complete with a ladder, which I am very proud of. 

7. Yesterday Rowan took Verny for a ride on his tricycle. No real story beyond that and the fact that it was the cutest thing ever. He talked to him the whole time, and checked to make sure he hadn't fallen out. Then Rowan pretended that the front yard was a park he was taking Verny too. 

Verny and I at the "park", taken by Ro!

8. Rowan is also very into dressing up and changes costumes multiple times a day. His favorite costumer remains Snoopy, which has had to be mended a few times now from lots of use, but he also is often Batman, Iron Man, Yoda, Pirate, and yesterday's addition a pumpkin. 

 Little pumpkin head!

9. Zach is officially prepared for his certification dive in once we get to beautiful Puerto Rico. He and Able will be scuba diving while Kari and I try to figure out what very expensive hobby we are going to take up to to even out the scuba diving investment. You only live once I guess, right?? Yes, I have done my research on the Zita virus. I am not pregnant, nor plan to be pregnant in the near future, and will bring plenty of bug spray so think I should be fine. However, with me recent luck I wouldn't be surprised if I came down with a rare tropical disease right about now. 

10. Speaking of my terrible luck, I think I might have passed it onto my son. Today we were informed that even though we played on The Lake Monster during the last season that was available for t-ball there is not a spot for us on that time for Spring ball. Apparently we were not informed during the fall season that we were just filling an empty spot The Lake Monsters had in the fall and that come spring time they would go back to their "spring roaster," whatever that means. None of it sounds fair or by the rules we were informed of when signing up, but I did spend a large part of the evening trying to explain just how unfair life can be to my crying five year old. I personally want to not do it again because our little one season switch was at least $100 investment, but Zane really wants to play t-ball so who knows where we will end up or what we will do. A t-ball battle did not need to be added to my ever growing list of struggles, but apparently it is now firmly on my long list as well.

Next week has to be better... right?

Tales of a TET Baby: Cardiologist Day 2016

This is my least favorite day of the year. It's the toughest day, in that it is the one day a year where I cannot be in denial about Zane's congenital heart defect. I can't put on a smile and say, "oh no he's fine, he's a crazy person, totally fine." Which is only half of the story. He is fine, he is a crazy person, but the other half of that story is that he will eventually need a pulmonary artery valve replacement. There is still much debate about how that valve will be placed, but there is no debate whether or not he will eventually need one. He will need one because currently his pulmonary artery valve doesn't close. This will eventually put too much strain on his right ventricle, which will begin to enlarge, and then it will be time to place the valve.

Today was pretty much the same song, sixth verse. Each verse has been slightly different since surgery. There was the first appointment since surgery,  the one a year after surgery, first Echo as a toddler, last year in St. Louis, first year with a new doctor, and this year was the first year that I knew even if we had stayed in St. Louis we wouldn't have been able to see Dr. Murphy. Dr. Murphy will forever be ingrained in my memory as the person who had the terrible job of delivering the worst news of our lives to us. After that he became a very supportive, happy face in our heart journey. This past year he moved to a new job in Chicago where he is the head of Cardiac cath lab. He is on the forefront of the research trying to find a way to do valve replacements via cardiac cath instead of by open heart surgery.

 Traditional breakfast at Panera Bread before his appointment. This year he brought Spidey, his Build-A-Bear with his CICU heart in it. He explained it very well to the nurses at the clinic, who were all very impressed.

I have worked extremely hard at making Zane's heart condition, stripe, and yearly cardiology appointment something that he is proud of and something special. Apparently all my hard work has paid off because this year Zane was ecstatic about his "heart doctor appointment." He has been counting down for weeks. I think this is mainly due to the fact that he gets to pick out a toy at the toy store afterwards, if he is well behaved. This was a tradition from previous years when holding still during his echo was very difficult. His Echo is now no problem, but the tradition apparently remains and he picked out a stuffed koala that he was going to get on his heart doctor day a few weeks ago, adding to his excitement.

I am less excited about the day. Every year, when he lays down on that table to get yet another echo, I replay every single echo from the day he was diagnosed until now. That's a lot of echos. I've lost count, but each one left a little scar on my heart and the images will be burned into my memory forever. I used to sit on the table with him and wrestle with him to hold still the entire time.There use to be lots of crying and bribes. When we were finished Zach and I felt like we had run a marathon. But that has all changed as he has gotten older and the routine has become familiar to him. The past two years he has walked into the echo room with a bit of swagger, it's old hat, no mommy holding needed. The echo's we've had in Oklahoma seem to not take nearly as long, I'm hoping that is just because we aren't fighting with him to hold still and not because they aren't as detailed as in St. Louis.

We were the only people at the cardiologist office today so everything went quickly without much waiting. In good news the waiting room got fish since last year, to Zane's great excitement. That was the first thing he noticed last year, "why don't they have fish at this one?" Zane's biggest challenge of the day was sitting still for "his arm hug" (a.k.a. blood pressure). He sat perfectly still as they turned him into a "Christmas tree" (a.k.a his EKG). And of course he sailed through the magic wand portion of the day with flying colors (a.k.a his echo). I wonder what nicknames other heart mom's have come up with for all the tests that become so familiar to our little heart warriors.

The doctor comes in at the end of all the tests, every year, and says the same thing. "We don't see any major changes in his heart right now. His right ventricle hasn't gotten significantly bigger, but it's only a matter of time until it does." Then they ask my favorite questions, that is the comic relief of the entire day, "Does Zane have any problems with lack of energy? Is he able to keep up with the other kids?" Decidedly not, my biggest concern at the moment is his complete inability to ever hold still. This question is asked as Zane quite literally is trying to climb the walls of the exam room.

 Pouting face after I told him to stop playing with the otoscope covers on the wall behind him.

 

This year the doctor did throw out the possibility of his valve being placed in the cath lab vs surgery, which he didn't mention last year. I guess the science made it to Oklahoma this year. The doctor did say that depending on the anatomy of Zane's heart, at the time he needs a valve, this option may or may not be a viable one for him, since he has had a previous repair and patch placement. Something about there needs to be a good landing space for the valve to sit on and fit tightly, which may not be possible since his pulmonary artery has been previously patched. My take away from the chat with the doctor was to pray for advancements in heart valve technology. It has come a long way already and in the next five or ten years there could be valve options we have never even heard of. I'm praying Dr. Murphy comes through with a miracle for us so we don't have to have another open heart surgery later.

The rest of the day was Zane's day of fun. Per Zane's request we went to Tucker's and got a cheese burger for lunch (his Uncle Able was very proud), possibly not the most healthy choice for my heart patient son.  Then on to the toy store to get his Koala, who he named Hermine or Ron, he has yet to solidly land on a gender. Zane helped me pick out a few gifts for Rowan's birthday. Then we journeyed South for a visit with Uncle Able. The spice shop was hopping and Zane was very happy to show off his new koala friend to every one there. He of course showed off his stripe to a few people as well. Last stop was the candy shop before heading to pick up Rowan. Usually Zane's day of fun includes us going to a movie after lunch, but we have seen all the kids movies that are out right now, so we made a fort in our living room and had movie fun there instead.

So another year has come and gone and all that fills my mind is how quickly the past five years have passed. With each trip to the cardiologist we are one year closer to the year when everything shifts and changes again. At some point Zane's day of fun will end in tears, fear, and uncertainty even though we have known from the movement the last surgery was over that there would be another one. Denial works well most of the time, "it's not happening now so no need to worry about it." This one day a year I worry about it. I truly try not to the majority of the time, but last night, while mentally preparing myself not to cry in front of Zane, and throughout today I worry about it. I hate it. I do not want to be apart of this club. I want to turn in my heart mom card and pretend like none of it ever happened. Sadly that is not an option. So until next year I will begin pretending all is fine once again, tomorrow.

Ten on Tuesday

1. I got cancelled from work this weekend so we went ahead and started the big potty training journey with little Rowan, while Zach and I would both be home for a three day weekend. Saturday afternoon he got to pick out his big boy underwear and we were off and running. All and all things went very well, except one incident of pooping in his pants purely for revenge during dinner Sunday night, but Monday went well with multiple poops in the potty.... and there was much rejoicing!!!! Anything could be better than Zane potty training disaster. I wish I could post some adorable pictures of Rowan in his tiny underwear, but I have found there are lots of creepers on the internet so no can do.

2. When I got called off on Saturday it meant I got to go to our neighbor kid's birthday party. It was tons of fun and I find it adorable that Zane and Peyton are such great friends. Also the bowling at Main Event was much more fun than other bowling alleys so Zane was entertained by it longer than usual. Rowan and I spent most of the time going to the bathroom, but that's ok we didn't have any accidents at the birthday party.

3.At some point yesterday I turned around the boys both had Harry Potty scars on their foreheads, courtesy of Zane of course. Hysterical!

Wizard face!!

4. When we were at the toy store, getting Peyton a present, of course the two boys had to get something fun. This is why I never buy toys at toy stores, but I had put it off too long to get my usual amazon present. In good news Rowan found some strikingly adorable Snoopy slippers, for three dollars no less!!!!!! How freaking cute!!

5. As a mother of two boys and an aunt to five nephews I very rarely get to buy sparkly pink things. This week I got to make both of my nieces very happy with a little pink and sparkle! I got Adeline my favorite gift of all, a helmet, pink of course, for her new found love of horse back riding. And I got Miss Maggie J. the cowboy boots of her dreams, that she got to pick out herself. They were pink, with glitter, rhinestones, and butterflies! Apparently Maggie had had a rough day at school Thursday and I was thrilled to be able to brighten her day with her fancy new boots. She was all smiles by the time I left. I know how difficult girl friends can be and sometimes you just need a little sparkle to make it better.

Adeline had gotten her pink boots from her parents, apparently they are are a must have these days!

6. This week Rowan decided that Verny was hungry so back to the attic I went to find Verny a bottle and a better fitting hat. Yes, Verny remains the love of Rowan's life and brings him great joy. And no Rowan hasn't worn pants all week, so pictures with at least a shirt on are going to have to do.

 

7. This week Zane has taken a big interest in math. He has chosen to do addition worksheets when it is learning time. He is getting better at it and enjoys it much more than reading or writing. I did invent a new game where he shoots sight words with his new dart gun, which he seems to enjoy and I think that we are making headway with learning time. Dollar Tree is a wealth of learning workbooks, flashcards, and random other things that are helping Rowan and Zane's academics. So far Rowan knows the letter A, his colors, and a few shapes. Slowly, but surely I guess.

8. Zane's current struggle, or should I say life long struggle, remains sleeping. There are days that I'm not sure whether or not he has slept at all at night. If Rowan wakes up early, say 4am, Zane wakes up and never goes back to sleep. He opens and closes his door a million times, and I find all sorts of toys in his bed. He NEVER SLEEPS. After a terribly rough day on Sunday, with waking up early, and not napping, new rules have been put into place, his bed has been moved to a new location in his room, and prayers have been said that he can sleep better. We are still trying to drop naps, but with terrible sleep at night and very early mornings it isn't going so well.

9. This morning did not play out as I had planned. The original plan was that I was going to go swim while Grandma watched Zane, Rowan, and E. But there was a swim meet so I got back home just in time to field the phone call from Abbey saying she thought she needed stitches. She did so took her to get stitches while the boys played with Grandma. Seems like a lot of people are needing stitches these days, good news is I know where to take people of all ages when they need them now. These were Abbey's first set of stitches, which made me feel kind of bad about my two year old who has already had facial stitches. Before I left for the gym I did get to witness the cuteness of three little Iron Men!!

10. Rowan has been begging to do science for days and today, after nap time, I finally gave in and set him free with water, vinegar, baking soda, food coloring, and all of Zane's science tools. I didn't set up any experiments or have him do anything in particular, I just let him pour and mix, refill, and pour again. He had a blast and was a very adorable little scientist. 

Ten on Tuesday

1. We have finally wrapped up all our Christmas celebrations, ending with Blakley Christmas at the farm. It was frigid outside, but we managed to have a great time in spite of Mother Nature. Rowan got his very own Spiderman sleeping bag, which fit right in with Zane's and E's during the big cousin sleep over on Saturday night.

 

 This little nugget let me snuggle with him during movie time Saturday which was a big highlight for me. 

2. Aunt Kari and Uncle Able arrived late Saturday which meant Sunday morning we could open presents!!!! Everyone got and gave wonderful presents. It was lots of fun and we spent the rest of day playing with our new toys. Zane got a Magic set so he and Maggie spent a lot of time working on their magic show. There was lots of remote control car driving, puzzles, games, music, and quick trips outside to brave the cold. The kids did get to jump on the hay bales on Sunday afternoon thanks to Aunt Kari and Grandma braving the elements. This hay bale trip was the first one where Rowan actually jump from bale to bale. The bales were touching each other, but still a big deal!!

 Everyone got puppets as well!!

 Taking your fist jump while bundled in Carhartts and full winter garb isn't easy, but Rowan did great.

These too are way too cute!

3. Sunday afternoon was spent being very workers doing ice storm clean up. This is a very familiar task around these parts. There are lots of limbs already on the ground that need to be cute up and hauled away. Some wood is saved for fall/spring camp fires, lots of sticks and branches are thrown over the bridge, and some trees have to be cut down completely. Zach got a chainsaw for Christmas from Grandma, actually all the Uncles did, so there were many hands and yes the work was made light! Zach even busted out the ax at the end of the day to show off his wood splitting skills. 

 I was too busy working to take pictures, until this adorable little boy came out in his namesake's stocking cap. That was too cute to pass up.

4. Rowan and Verny got their first taste of  baby burritos from the Cresent quick shop. This is the traditional snack on the trip to the city. I think they both enjoyed it.

 5. Rowan got his very own Batman costume from Grandma, which means I now have two Batmen to fight crime around our house. They take this job very seriously, as you can see.

 6. Daddy's CAT hat got left in the car and has been the boys favorite thing to play with and fight over the past two days. The biggest argument comes over who gets to wear it into the gym. Rowan seems to win this argument and looks hysterical in this huge stocking cap. He wore it the entire 1.5 hours he was in child watch yesterday while I swam and showered. Silly boy!

 7. Today temps crept up to almost 50 degrees which meant we were back outside riding scooters, bikes, and our tractor. We even ventured over to the park. Aunt Abbey gave Ro a new horn for his bicycle, which looks like a tiny, adorable turtle. I love it and so does he.

8. Cute little Rowan completely lost his mind yesterday using all the three year old tricks in the bag. He threw numerous epic fits, jumped up and down, pounded his tiny hands on the ground. He pooped in his pull up on purpose when he was in trouble (my least favorite 3 year old trick). He punched and kicked me at different points in the day, refused to pee in the potty or eat, lost iPad privileges, and not surprisingly went to bed at 7pm. Today has been slightly better, with fewer fits and his Thomas pull ups stayed dry all day!!!!! It is all made much more difficult to deal with because he is so tiny and his fits are so hysterical. I'm working hard on not laughing when he is melting down and trying to find something he cares about to help with discipline. 

9. In random news I cut almost five inches off my hair today. It had gotten incredibly long after my hair dresser picked up and moved to Cozumel. I loved my new hair lady, who happens to be Able's neighbor, and am thoroughly enjoying a lighter head of hair. Rowan was very confused about where all my hair went and why I, "Got my hair fixed." Can you tell how often I fix my hair??

10. All our Christmas decorations are down, after two days of boxing them up. The house always looks very bare once they are gone. On to the next season I guess, bring on the snowflakes and hearts!