The Tale of the Yellow Family: A Kindergarten Story

I should start off by saying that this story has been going on for months. I never mentioned any of it because I felt sure it would pass. When school started all the little Kindergarteners were placed in "families." Zane was put in the yellow family, at the table in the very back of class. The reasoning for this, I've since found out, was two fold. Zane is super tall so could see from back there, and being at the far back table means he can wiggle around and get up if he needs to. The other people in his family were initially one other boy and one other girl (who I'll refer to as little girl A). Initially Zane was ecstatic about having a family and was making plans for them to all wear yellow shirts together every day! Of course he just knew they would all be best friends and everything would be amazing. One thing I know for sure about Zane is that he is the eternal optimist!

A few weeks into the year we started hearing stories about how the girl at this table said he bad coloring skills, called his drawings scribble scrabble, all things that he took really hard. Zane would randomly tell us things like, "she just lies, she tells the teacher I'm teasing her when I'm not." Random things, out of no where. At first I found it really entertaining, because he would get so worked up about the supposed lying five year old at this table. And yes I know she is five because that has been mentioned several times, "she's not even six mom!" (So disgusted at a five year old). "Well she just judges me mom, she judges my coloring skills even though her cutting skills are terrible." (Lots of judging had begun without the yellow family.)

Right before Halloween a new little girl came to the school and joined the yellow family (little girl B). Side Note: I should say that I have met all the children in this story. They are all perfectly lovely, kind, cute, children who appear to like Zane, and always give him hugs and talk with him at the multiple events I've been too. About the same time that the little girl B arrived the other boy in the family started having to sit by the teacher most of the time and rarely was actually at their table, making things worse. This left Zane in a yellow family full of girls. "Mom they girls always just chit chat." "They can't sit by each other during circle time because they talk to much, but won't talk to me." So much drama in the yellow family!

Of course the two girls became fast friends. From what I hear they "do everything together, are always saying the same things, whatever little girl A does, little girl B does the exact thing, they talk like babies, ect. ect." They now both call his coloring skills scribble scrabble, they say he's babyish, they tell the teacher he's mean (when obviously there is NO WAY that could ever be true). All of this according to Zane of course. "Mom they are just ...... so ANNOYING!" "They talk baby talk." And on and on. At one point I did tell Zane if he didn't like people saying he had bad coloring skills he could work on improving his coloring skills. You know focus on something he could control. I have suggested, on numerous occasions, that Zane ask his teacher if they were ever going to change seats. When I asked how he was doing sitting still at parent teacher conferences she mentioned sitting in the back of the room lets him move around, so I wasn't concerned about him getting a seating change.

Over Christmas break Zane remained stressed out about going back to school and "being annoyed" by the two little girls. Yesterday was his first day back. When he got home he told me that the girls "hadn't started to annoy him until the afternoon" then he didn't say anything else about it. I thought this might be progress, I was wrong! Later in the evening Zane got in minor trouble about God knows what. Nothing big, I think maybe I told him to take a shower and he said no, I have no idea. But this sent him into a rage, which I knew couldn't be about a shower. So when I asked what in the world was going on, he started crying, and fell into a puddle of emotion.

After lots of cuddles and tears last night, and months of stories from the yellow family I think I figured out the problem. Zane is very concerned that he isn't best friends with every single child in his class. I had him list all the people he considered really good friends last night. This was about ten people, which out of class of eighteen is pretty freaking good if you ask me. But after he told me who all he considered his friends he said, "see mom, that isn't everyone, the girls at my table don't even like me." Translation they don't consider him their best friend and the two of them sound like they are best buddies without him. It's really eating away at his little soul.

Once I thought about it for a bit Zane has always made fast friends with everyone he meets, but has never really had to spend extended time with any of these "friends." In preschool/pre-K he only went two days a week so not a lot of time for people to get on his nerves. Everyone there was always excited to see Zane on the few days he actually went to school, but had he gone every single day I'm sure there would have been some people who rubbed him the wrong way and vis versa. At child watch, at the gym, he would get the whole place playing together. He knew everyone's name, and left with tales of multiple "best friends." But he would never be there for more than an hour or so a day, not time enough for anyone to annoy him or for him to realize they might not be best friends. Now the tough lessons of life are starting to set in. Not only will some people not want to be his best friend, turns out HE himself might not love every single person he meets. But you have to get along with all types of people and it's ok if you don't love every single person you meet.

So I held my huge boy, and wiped away his tears. In his sad, crying face I could see a tiny glimpse of the little boy from years before. The little guy who, from his earliest days, loved so fiercely, and so freely that I can remember watching him on the playground as a toddler fearing the day when his innocence and loving spirit might be crushed by reality. I don't think it's been crushed by any means, but reality is setting in and it's hard. His tender little heart struggles with it. So we talked for a long time about ways to ignore the girls if they were annoying him, things he could focus on instead of focusing on their baby talk, focusing on his school work, focusing on things he can control because you can't control other people, remembering all the new friends he has made, being kind to everyone even if they aren't being particularly kind to you, and I once again threw out the option of asking the teacher if they would ever be moving seats this year. After this long conversation, he did say, "and sometimes when I'm at school my hug sack just gets empty." Me too buddy, but we filled it up and I reminded myself that no matter how big he gets he still actually is pretty little and needs lots of mommy cuddles which so love to give.