Ten on Tuesday

1. Loved yesterday with Zane. I miss him so much when I'm at work. On those days I see him with his eyes open about 30 minutes max. So I loaded up on cuddles.

2. Zane's new favorite thing to do is to have us hold him standing in our lap and then he will suck on our fingers and proceed to laugh. He likes to suck on his own fingers/hand too but it is so much more difficult to get into his mouth. If we are lucky he will talk to us a little bit while he is standing too.





3. Zane also loves his panda bear toy on his bouncy chair. There is a lion toy which he completely ignores while he has long conversations with the panda We have flipped some of these conversations, which are priceless. I love it because panda bears were my favorite thing when I was little.
4. In sad news I tried to have Zane wear his little sandals to Target yesterday and they are too small now. Sad face, I guess we will move on to our next adorable pair of shoes.

5. We are excited about Grandma Blakley coming into town tomorrow. She will hardly recognize our big boy.

6. I got to come home early from work today since I only had two kids. I got home, took a shower, and then my boys showed up. It was so great to get to play with Zane a little bit before he went to bed.

7. How funny is the look on Zane's face in this picture. I can just hear him saying "Mom stop taking my picture."

8. I think I have injured my right knee. Possibly when I was doing my extreme P90x. It is bugging me and standing up for hours at work isn't helping.

9. I can't decide if I am excited about OU football starting. On the one hand I always get excited and then soon there after heart break sets in. Trying not to get the hopes up again, but I know in about a week I will be emailing my friend Jeff (fellow OU alumni and football fanatic) talking about how we are going all the way. That will soon be followed by the email saying " dang it we got our hopes up again and now we are horrible, why do we do this every year." At least I know what to expect.

10. I want to say a big thank you to all the wonderful people I work with. They have all been so supportive to me since I started back to work. I know I'm not as fun as I use to be since I have so much on my mind, but they have been so kind and I literally couldn't get through the long tough days at work without them.

A thought on kindness

Everyone knows the saying " Treat others the way you want to be treated." My parents told us this on numerous occasions as a children, mainly in relation to some sort of sibling dispute. As we got older they would use this simple phrase as they taught us how to interact with our friends and strangers. There is nothing complicated about it, just to the point, be nice to people.

I recently have decided I think that adults should use the phrase " Treat others the way you would want to be treated on the worst day of our life or at a time when you are going through hardest thing you have ever faced." I know it isn't as catchy and not as simple so probably not good for the kids. But as adults this is what we should strive for. At my job I routinely am working with people who are going through the hardest thing they have ever faced and often on the worst day of their lives ( i.e. the day they child is diagnosed with cancer, seizures, or some other horrible unforeseen thing). So at work I try to treat my patients and families the way I had thought I would want to be treated during such a time. Often things beyond my control prohibit me from being able to make their lives easier such as when I have to tell them "I don't know when the doctor will be here," "No we don't have the test results back yet," " I'm sorry but your child will have to stay another day" ect. ect.

Recently, I have been put in their shoes as I am currently going through the hardest thing I have ever faced. And turns out the words and actions of strangers carry greater weight now for some reason. The simplest thing, whether it is kind or mean, hits me much harder. For example, after my long shift at work yesterday I accidentally got on the elevator going down instead of up in the parking garage. Not a big deal, I rode it down to street level and then back up to my floor. But after I hit the button for the floor and it didn't light up the people on the elevator said, " That isn't going to light up, we are going down" to which I responded, "It's been a long day," thinking that would be the end of it. But they said " Also, there is a big arrow outside the elevator that lights up showing you that it was going down." Why do you have to be hateful about such a simple thing? There have been other instances of strangers saying or doing things that are kind as well, but that situation in the elevator and a few other insensitive things said by strangers led me to think about the need for the change to the common phrase.

You can't pick out the people in a crowd who are going through something terrible or who are going through something amazing for that matter. And the simplest things you do or say to them, kind or not, could make or break their day or their week. I believe that everything happens for a reason and I spent a lot of time in prayer trying to find a reason for why my baby has to go through something so hard. So far I haven't gotten an answer to that and Zach reminds me that maybe the reason is for Zane to find out, not us. But this lesson has shown itself to me over the past few weeks and I am taking it to heart as something good coming from my difficult time. I thought I would share it with all of you, give it some thought. Thanks for all of your kind words and actions over the past months they have carried great weight in our lives!

Outside time

It has been blazing hot here with crazy high humidity since Zane was born. On one hand it is good because people don't have colds/the flu when we are out and about, but on the other hand it has led to Zane and I spending a lot of time in the living room or, on occasion, the basement.

This week we have had a bit of a cool front roll through with weather in the low 80s with low humidity so Zane and I have taken advantage of it. We took a walk yesterday morning, which I was thinking was going to be a leisurely stroll around the neighborhood, but it turned out to be a pretty good 30 minute work out. This evening when Zach got home we played outside while Zach grilled.

Zane really enjoyed looking around at all the new scenery during our walk, but the sun getting in his eyes did annoy him. Luckily there are a lot of trees in our neighborhood so we were able to stay in the shade for the most part. Mainly he smiled and laughed at me which made for a very enjoyable workout. This evening he hung out in his bouncy chair outside. Initially he looked very confused as to what was going on but after he took in his new surroundings he had a great time. He spent most of the time working hard on getting his hands in his mouth and I have to say he is getting better at it. I got some mosquito bits but I didn't see any on Zane during bath time this evening so I think it was a huge success. I can't wait for it to be fall ( well there will be about two weeks of fall then straight to snow) so we can go strolling around parks, the zoo, ect. Hope fall comes before his surgery!

p.s. It is adorable how bald he looks in the pictures we took outside since his hair disappears in the sunlight. Too cute:)

A boy and his blanket

Yesterday's positive post, enjoy!

As mentioned before Zane's magic blanket is a white fleece winnie the pooh blanket. Zach left his blanket at day care on Tuesday but luckily the back up blanket I had ordered arrived yesterday. I didn't open it until today because he was doing fine with the crocheted blankets and I started to think I was crazy for ordering another one. But while he was playing in his bouncy chair I got it out of the box and gave it to him. He was so excited!!! He hugged and loved on it for 45 minutes and would have longer but I had to change his smelly diaper.

He has started to try and put things in his mouth, for example he works hard at trying to get his little fingers in his mouth. He is successful occasionally but still needs some practice. He also loves to rub his little face on his soft blanket and try to eat it. This is slightly concerning at times because I'm afraid he is going to smother himself. I'm so glad he has his lovey back and that he can have one here and one at day care.

The video below is of Zane and I having a conversation while he plays in his bouncy seat. Zane and I have an agreement that Mommy won't cry if he doesn't cry. I work hard everyday to focus on what an amazing blessing Zane is and how much I love being his Mommy, instead of the many other stresses in our life right now. How can you have a bad day when this is what you wake up to:)

p.s. Zach posted another adorable video of Zane on his blog last night. Check it out here.

Can't catch a break

Today my goal was to post a positive about how much I love being a mother and the fun Zane and I have since usually my blog is a bit of a downer. However, other situations arose which screwed with my plan and has me very frustrated, so that is what I'm blogging instead, sorry. I do love being Zane's Mommy and we do have fun, I promise. But here is my frustrating story.

So when we met with the NP yesterday she asked us about Zane's eating which I feel has been slowly decreasing over the past week or two. We were thinking it was because he was getting tired due to his condition and was pulling away from the bottle more often. When we told her this she said that based on the anatomy of his condition he shouldn't be having problems eating and that she thinks he may have acid reflux. I questioned this immediately because he isn't fussy after or during eating he just takes breaks. Well were I went wrong was saying "he isn't fussy" out loud. It's like saying that it's slow on the floor at work, you have just bought yourself at least five admissions or some crisis situation. Today I became the proud mother of a baby who was fussy when he ate. He only ate one or two ounces at a time and got fussy during and after eating. After his first bottle this morning he threw up all over me. Super, acid reflux!! Poor kid he can't catch a break. He felt crabby on and off today and had multiple screaming fits which then lead to purple hands and feet which equals sadness all around.

The NP consulted with Zane's cardiologist and primary pediatrician who all agreed that it sounded like acid reflux and he is being started on Pepcid tomorrow. I hear from friends and family whose children have had acid reflux that this is liquid gold and will cost us around $150. This also means I have to go back to Children's tomorrow to pick up the $150 prescription. I know that pretty much every baby has some form of this and it isn't a big deal, but it was just frustrating to have something else added to our plate. It causes him to be upset more and in turn make his little heart work harder. Here's hoping the liquid gold does the trick and helps him feel/eat better soon so he can continue to get bigger and stronger.

The Saga Continues

Today we met with the nurse practitioner for the surgeon who will be doing Zane's surgery. Zane was doing well today and in good news his oxygen saturation was 100%. It kind of makes me question equipment some where and makes me remember that oxygen saturation is a very finicky measurement, but it's great that he is doing so well today. It's hard to not get excited that he is "doing better" when we know he won't do better until after he has surgery.

The NP walked us through what will happened the day before surgery, the day of surgery, and during the post-op period. I'll bare you the details but it is going to be a very difficult time. The day before involves a lot of tests; an other echo/ekg, chest x-ray, blood draws to do pre-op blood work, and meetings with the anesthesiologist and the surgeon. She talked us through what will happen during the surgery as well. The surgery itself will take 4-5 hours. During this time we will be given updates from nurses in the OR. Post-op he will spend 2-3 days in the cardiac ICU, with the first couple days intubated and on a ventilator in order to let his little heart and lungs rest. As a nurse this is possibly more disturbing to me than the thought of cutting his heart open. I have never seen a heart surgery, but I have seen kids intubated and on a ventilators. It looks terrible and even though I know he is on it to let his heart rest I can't help but think about the kids I have seen who were on this for much more serious issues. After the ICU he will go to the heart floor where he will be weened of the stronger pain meds, start eating again, finish is IV antibiotics, and get ready to go home.

It was a lot of information to take in and we still really have no idea as to when the surgery will actually be. He is still gaining weight and looks good. The surgeon has yet to weigh in on the situation but we do have an appointment with him next Thursday. I wish the cardiologist would never had said they might need to move up the surgery to the end of September. It was devastating news at the time but over the past week we had adjusted our mind set and had almost gotten prepared for that. Now we are back to looking at probably October some time, if for no other reason than the cardiac surgeon is the only one at Children's doing heart surgery right now so it is really hard to get on his schedule. I still really want him to have it before cold/flu season at the hospital which starts some time in November. We want whatever is best for Zane but there is defiantly a since of just wanting it all to be over with so we can stop looking at him and dreading what lies ahead.

Zane is worn out from the big day and has been sleeping peacefully in his swing for quite a while. It was great to get to spend the day with him and see his smiling face. I missed him so much yesterday!

Ten on Tuesday

1. I went back to work today. I got up with Zane at 4am and started my very tough day. I cried when I left home this morning but remained pulled together at work ( wore the water proof mascara just in case). Everyone there was super supportive and helped me get through the day. They even made me a welcome back sign ( thanks night shift).



2. I had really cute patients today, which helped. I got two pieces of art work and multiple stickers which is always proof of a great day as a pediatric nurse. I also played a mean game of guess that animal with a five year old and didn't do so hot. She was really good.



3. We are going back to the doctor tomorrow to recheck Zane's oxygen saturation levels and to talk to the surgeon's Nurse Practitioner about the surgery. Hopefully she can answer some of our questions and try to get a clearer picture of the plan. It keeps changing which is really frustrating.



4. I also have a doctor's appointment tomorrow with my new general practice doctor. Dreading getting on the scale, but I needed a regular doctor now that I'm not pregnant.



5. We are loving all the fresh fruits and veggies we are getting at the farmer's market.



6. On that note I made the best batch of fried okra I have ever made Saturday so I repeated it on Sunday. AMAZING! Can't believe I let Zach eat any of it, that is true love.



7. Mom is coming back up next week which will be good. I know she has been missing my baby.



8. Zane went to day care today for the first time and did great. He made a friend (who is a girl, little ladies man). They of course love him there and reportedly had a good time. Zach said he was all smiles when he picked up him which is good.


9. I am slightly panicked because due to a minor miscommunication between Zach and I, the magic blanket was left at the day care lady's house. I said " be sure to bring the magic blanket home" Zach heard "you don't need to bring the magic blanket home." I did order another one to leave there, but that hasn't arrived yet. I will probably need to go pick that up on Thursday.



10. In good/bad news Zach got him to sleep this evening with out it. He said he did enjoy his little lovey that the girls at work got for him. However, this meant that Zane was asleep when I got home. I think I will go pick him up. If he wakes up, I would love to stay up with him.