Heart Party 2012

Today marks two years since Zane's heart surgery. It is a day to celebrate life and our many blessings. The farther removed we are from the actual surgery the more I can't believe we ever made it through the entire ordeal  Also, the more that the gravity of our blessings hit me. I don't know if he would be alive if he hadn't had his repair. Maybe he would still be alive, but I know he wouldn't be running circles around me like he is now.

Here is my big boy, celebrating his heart birthday. Yes, that is a Mickey Mouse sticker on the wall behind him.

This past week was the first real time that Zane has noticed and asked about his scar. It's always been there, almost like a birth mark, you don't know you have for awhile. But Monday, in Target, while buying a brownie mix for his heart birthday, he actually noticed it was there. He pointed to his belly button and said "my heart" and when I corrected him, telling him his heart was up on his chest, he pulled his shirt up and noticed his scar. Here is the conversation that followed, "It a boo boo mamma?" "Yes, it's a boo boo, but it's all better. They fixed it, that's why we are having a party." "Why boo boo mamma?" The question I had dreaded since the day he was diagnosed. The question I have been asking myself since that day as well. My heart dropped and I burst into tears. " I don't know why you had a boo boo baby." He gave me pats, "It's ok mamma." Because to him it's fine, no heart ache attached to it for him, just a interesting scar on his chest.

I pulled myself together and finished my shopping. When we were checking out Zane put the brownie mix on the belt to be checked out and quickly told the lady, "it a heart party" and pulled his shirt up to show her his scar. The poor women I am sure thought he was critically ill, especially after looking at his mom, who was a bit of a hot mess at that point. She gave him a sticker, which he promptly put on his boo boo. Nothing strange about this situation to Zane, "boo boo sticker mamma."

I know that conversation won't be the last about the situation. The two year old mind can't wrap around the gravity of it all, but some day he will need/want to know what happened, and the big question of why. I don't have an answer to that one, I still ask it a lot myself when I let myself think about how his heart isn't really fully "fixed." There will be another surgery, another battle. Another battle that he will be fully aware of and remember.

Here is Zane showing me his boo boo today.

Today was full of joy. We were pirates for most of the day, made brownies, cleaned the house, watched some little Einsteins, had a dinosaur train dance party, played in the leaves, and with our pumpkins. He announced, "it's a party for my heart" when Daddy arrived home. He also told him that he had super powers, which was adorable. We had pizza, which Zane said was "delicious." Followed by heart birthday brownies. Nothing says 'I'm happy to have a working heart' like pizza and brownies. Zane got a present, a pirate ship, what else. He has spent the rest of the evening playing with his new ship and watching Robin Hood. What a perfect celebration. It was a celebration of life. The precious life of my happy little boy. He lights up the world with his happiness, so today we celebrate that. I love you so much little boy. You never cease to amaze me. I wish I had more answers for you, but just know mamma and daddy love you so much and you are stronger and braver than you will ever know. Happy Heart Birthday!

Here is Zane captaining his pirate ship, a.k.a. his bed.

 Loving his new toy!

 Ending the night with a kiss for mamma.