Ten on Tuesday

1. Today at work was The Love Light Festival, I had no idea what this meant but I soon found out. There was all sorts of fun visitors, presents, food, and the day ends with the lighting of the Christmas tree and turning on of all the Christmas lights. Here is the list of visitors we had today:
* Two Rams players who I didn't know ( every one here was hoping Sammy B would show up. Since we both went to OU he would have loved to visit with me, we are BFF).
* Rampage, who is the Rams mascot. He is my new favorite mascot, what a great name.
*Two Mizzou players
* Ronald McDonald
*Maggie Moo of Maggie Moo ice cream
* Santa and Mrs. Clause who delivered present bags to all the kids
* A guy dressed as a huge shampoo bottle ( Great Clips something, I don't know, very strange)
* Sylvester the cat
*Snerdlihc - Children's Mascot ( childrens spelled backwards - he is a red furry creature that terrified me)
*Multiple people taking pictures and camera crews - I was not looking cute for this.

2. Today the "State" inspectors were at the hospital. This means everyone was way too stressed out. We couldn't drink at the nurses station in case they showed up. I was thoroughly dehydrated by the end of the day. We were also very jumpy and on edge, this led to the frighting Snerdlihc situation. I guess I thought the State people might be dressed as a furry creature just to throw us off?

3. Zane started eating peas a couple days ago. I had been dreading it because everyone warned me that he would hate them, but he has done pretty well with them. Not sweet potatoes good, but he didn't throw up and actually ate quite a bit.

4. I got two present for Zane at work today which was a pleasant surprise. Andrea got him the book "Things that Go" which is big book about all sorts of vehicles, he will love it. Then Erin came in at 3pm and brought me the build a bear that her and her kids had made for Zane while he was in the hospital. It is super cute and dressed in a monster outfit. Big thanks to you both and to Mollie for holding all my stuff on the shuttle since I had to stand.
5. Today was Zane's first day back to daycare. He woke up at 5:30am, being super cute. I thoroughly enjoyed my 20 minutes with him today since he was asleep when I got home :( Of course the daycare ladies were very excited to see him and were amazed at how big he has gotten over the past month. They said he had a great day, ate, played, slept, the whole nine yards.

6. My friend Michelle, at work, is 20 weeks pregnant and not finding out what she is having so I did the old Indian pencil test on her and it says she is having a boy, so she and I are both confident that it is a boy. Her baby is getting big and moving around at work. How fun! I wish I felt that good when I was pregnant.

7. I started my holiday decorating yesterday since our Korenak Family Christmas in SEMO is going to have to be Dec. 11th, due to my horrific work schedule. I am very reluctant about decorating or really having Christmas at all, but I'm trying to get in the spirit. We put the tree up downstairs on Sunday and I started upstairs yesterday. I am not inspired, but trying to get that way.

8. I really was planning on buying all my Christmas presents yesterday online but got distracted by my cute little boy. He was having a blast in his new saucer play place/jumper. I didn't buy anything, which means I still have that on the to do list, dang it.

9. Zach has, what sounds, like an ear infection. He also has a soar throat and feels generally awful. I am lysoling everything like  a crazy person in hopes of keeping Zane well. He did start daycare this week so I'm sure he will be coughing and having a runny nose soon, but I can dream. Poor Zach feels miserable though, hopefully the doctor can fix him up tomorrow.

10. Lastly, happy move home week to my brother Able. I am so excited that he will be closer to the family. and his girlfriend. It is going to be hard to be the only one far away, but I'm pumped that when I go to OK I can see everyone!!                                

Korenak Thanksgiving Festivities

This weekend Zach and I headed South to celebrate Thanksgiving with his family. It is nice that we live close enough to at least one family to be able to go on quick weekend visits. I got off on Friday, praise be, so we ended up getting there around 3:30pm instead of 11pm. Zach's parents had a wedding reception to go to so we headed over to Trina's for dinner and fun with the niece and nephews.

I am amazed at how big all the kids are getting. Clay informed me that he can and I quote "read anything" now. He is half way through second grade so I am sure he can. Blaine is trying hard to catch up to Clay's reading and spelling capabilities and doing well. Adeline is as sassy as ever, she told me that she needed "something beautiful" for her upcoming fourth birthday, so I will need to start looking into a present to bring the girls only tea party she will be having. I can hardly wait! Levi is a full fledged little boy now at a year and a half old. He is busy running around trying to keep up with the big kids and is way too adorable. I do miss having more time to play and chit chat with them now that I have my own baby, but it was great to see them. They are huge happy thoughts in my life, which I really need all I can get of those these days.

We were back to Amy and Mike's and had Zane put to bed for they got home. Amy could hardly stand that she had to be away while Zane was there, but got in plenty of cuddles over the next couple days. Saturday was the big Thanksgiving festivities, which were held at Trina's house this year. There was enough food to feed a small army when really there was just the six adults and five kids (including Zane), but don't worry we put a huge dent in it. I made the Dotter Family cheese ball, see my mother's blog post for the recipe. It was epic and I am pretty sure is going to be a staple at all upcoming Korenak events because it was a huge hit, of course. Zane had a complete blast in the saucer play station and Aunt Trina graciously gave it to us at the end of the weekend. Thanks Aunt Trina!

After we were thoroughly full and worn out we went back to Zach's parent's to watch the bedlam football game (Oklahoma vs. Oklahoma State). Usually I watch bedlam with my family, the kids being OU grads and Dad being a OSU grad, always made for a lively evening. Dad pretended not to care and constantly talked about how bad OSU was, but secretly was really stressed out about the game. The three of us were always openly stressed out about the game and always enjoyed giving Dad a hard time. Usually OU would win which generally means we would go to the Big 12 Championship, as was the case again this year.

The weekend was harder, emotionally, than I had expected. Being with Zach's family, which is so similar to my own, really reinforced what is missing from mine now. Zach's Dad is an amazing man and a lot like my own father in many ways, so seeing him with his children and grandchildren and just seeing their whole family being together was  a little heart breaking to me. I'm so grateful that Zane will have such a wonderful Grandfather and I am happy to know that a lot of what he will be missing out on, by not knowing my Dad, he will be able to do with Mike.  I went outside at half time of the football game to look at the stars ( I so miss the country) and talked to Dad a bit. He said hello with two shooting stars, one when I first sat down and one right before I headed in. I'm so blessed be part of Zach's wonderful family, thank you for such a great weekend and for your support and patience as I try deal with my new reality.

* Sorry there are no pictures, I realized when I started writing this that the camera never made it out of the diaper bag, darn it!

Black Friday Regrets

Let me start by saying I have never gone black Friday shopping, on purpose. I have, twice, gone black Friday shopping accidentally and immediately regretted it both times. There are two reasons for this.

1) I am lazy. Plane and simple, I will never want to wake up at the butt crack of dawn to go spend money I don't have.
2) It is totally worth whatever amount of money I might save shopping that early, to not have to be a part of that craziness/stand in those insane lines.

The first time I made this stupid mistake I was in Oklahoma and decided I wanted to buy a new camera the Friday after Thanksgiving, not because it was black Friday, just because I wanted a new camera. I was at my sisters house in Edmond and decided to drive down the road to Best Buy. As soon as I walked in the door I realized the mistake I had made and turned around. The camera could wait, that place was insane.

The second time I made this mistake was this past Friday. I had gotten called off work and had been trying to go buy a new coat ( due to my obesity not just randomly wanting a coat) all week. So I thought I would use this extra time to "run" down to Khols and get one. I leisurely drove into the Khols parking lot, wondering why people were being so aggressive about parking places, but maintained my positive attitude, until I got inside the mad house. When I walked in the door I yet again immediately regretted my decision, but  I also knew it was freezing outside and I needed a coat, so I forged ahead. After picking out a coat and strolling through the kids clothes I decided that the sales really weren't anything special and then I saw the line that was almost half way around the store. This is when I decided I needed to escape while I still could.

In the line I noticed the crazy look that was in the shoppers eyes. The people behind me had been awake since 3am ( it was 9:30 at this point) and had already been to Target, Walmart, Macy's, and bough multiple TVs and Ipods. They were discussing lunch options at 9:30 but were not sure they were going to have time because they really needed to get to Gordmans ASAP lest they not get to buy stuff they probably didn't need.

Luckily I got out unharmed and with $30 of Khols bucks, I had no idea what this meant but everyone in the line kept talking about it and how excited they were about it so I was pretty pumped about my $30 worth. I now officially am vowing to never go black Friday shopping again. If only I could remember when black Friday was, I will have to try harder. God Bless anyone who braved that craziness, hope you got some great deals!

Thanksgiving 2010

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!! Today was Zane's first Thanksgiving and his first snow all in one. How fun is that. He thoroughly enjoyed his day as did Zach and I. We slept in until 8 am then started the day off by watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, of course.  I was disappointed to find out that it is only on one channel here, which makes it less fun. Growing up we would flip back and forth between the three main channels and that way avoided most of the commercials and sometimes we got to see our favorite balloons twice.

During the parade watching Zach started smoking the turkey he got for free from his work. I cleaned the house up a bit while Zane played and napped. When Zane woke up from his nap we put him in his Christmas outfit and had a fun photo shoot for the Christmas card. We had to get it made and ordered by December first to get in on Shutterfly's big sales. I ended up saving $22 on my card order, very exciting.

After the parade we moved right into watching The National Dog Show. This first became a family tradition after the Ultimate Voyage, to D.C. for Thanksgiving, when I was a freshman in college. Mainly because it is on immediately following the parade, but it is fun to pick your dogs and see all the crazy looking breeds. I didn't do well picking who would win the different groups but when it got down to the best in show group I totally guessed the Irish Setter winning it all. She was a beauty.  I G-Chatted with Able during the dog show and we both agreed that we want a Neopolitan Mastiff they kind of look like a sharpie but really only their face is wrinkly. Able told me he found two puppies for $3,000 so really the choice is buy some dogs or buy a used car??? Zane wore his doggie overalls for the occasion.

We had tons of fun watching the dog show and during it we noticed that it was snowing outside. This was odd since our thermometer said it was 40 degrees, but it was a beautiful snow, with big flakes, which of course didn't really stick much. We put Zane in one of his two snow suits ( which was way to big for him) and headed outside for a photo op in his first snow. He seemed thoroughly confused as to what was going on but we enjoyed it.

The preparation for our turkey dinner was a bit of debacle, but turned out pretty good. There was a bit of crisis when the meat thermometer broke after Zach brought the turkey inside to finish cooking in the oven.  Zach went to try to find a new one at Walgreens or Dollar General but didn't have any luck. He returned home pretty stressed out, but I assured him that people had been cooking turkeys without meat thermometers for years and I was sure it would be fine. I said this with very little confidence, but I was hoping it was true for the sake of our, already rather pathetic, Thanksgiving dinner.

Things turned out fine and everything was ready by 6pm ( there was a point where I thought we might be eating dinner at 9ish, but we pulled it together). We had a delicious smoked turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potato biscuits ( that Abbey made while she was here and froze), stuffing, and pear pie for desert. The dinner really could have used some gravy but we can't make gravy so we just had to power through without. We decided to not make any veggies because on Thanksgiving you eat them because they are there, but really you just want to carbo load, so that's what we did! We currently are sitting on the couch moaning, like you do after you eat until you can't breathe.

Hopefully you all had a wonderful Thanksgivings with your family. It has been a good day and a very strange day all in one. We have so much to be thankful for this year but I also have a lot of heart ache at the thought of never sharing a Thanksgiving with my father again. It has been hard to be away from my family today, I love you all, hope you are having a great day! I have to work tomorrow and then we are heading down to spend the weekend with Zach's family, it should be a blast!!

Ten on Tuesday

1. Today was suppose to be my first day back to work, but as luck would have it I got called off. So I got one more day at home with my baby and this means that he gets another week at home before having to go back to day care. Daddy takes over child care tomorrow, hooray!
2. Zane rolled from his belly to his back on Sunday. It was the first time I had put him on his belly since surgery and I told him if he rolled over I wouldn't put him back on his belly. He rolled over in about a minute and that was the end of tummy time for the day. So now he can officially roll both directions, but still doesn't do either very often.

3. In other exciting Zane news the sleep schedule is working pretty well. He doesn't always put himself to sleep but he is always much easier to put to sleep after  some alone time in his crib. He put himself to sleep by himself Friday night and Saturday he put himself to sleep for two, hour and a half naps. Sunday he was off sleep, only taking two short cat naps, but yesterday he did wonderful again. I am sure going back to daycare will throw him completely off this lovely schedule, but it was fun while it lasted.

4. I did two scrapbook pages for Zane's surgery this weekend. I debated if I wanted to do pages for this, but there were things from the hospital I wanted to keep and he needs to know how blessed he is in the future. You got a second chance at life little buddy, be proud!

5. I desperately want to go to the spa. I go every year on my birthday but I really have been wanting to go recently. I think I need some stress relief. 

6. I rejoined weight watcher Sunday and then realized Monday that joining weight watchers the week of Thanksgiving might not be a great idea. So I am going to wait to start tracking my points until next week in order to avoid the huge failure that this week is inevitably going to be. But it's my favorite holiday, I have to eat it up.

7. Zane loves nursery rhymes. Sunday night, when he was fighting sleep hard, we gave up and took him back out to the living room. I decided we should read a book. I busted out my Mary Engelbreit's Mother Goose Nursery Rhyme Book, thinking he wouldn't pay attention to the book very long and we could just read a couple nursery rhymes. Oh no, little man sat through the entire book. We sang, we giggled, we learned knew nursery rhymes I had never heard, and we both had an absolute blast.

8. This little adventure also made me realize how few children's books we have. We don't have any of the classics besides the complete works of Beatric Potter, Where the Wild Things Are, Good Night Moon, Guess How Much I Love You, Cat in the Hat, and Green Eggs and Ham. It's a start, but I have to start getting this kid some books. 

9. Last night, after watching a Modern Family episode about trying to find chirping smoke alarms, we were yet again woken up by a chirping smoke alarm. This time it was the smoke alarm in our room and it was terrified me. Luckily Zane slept through it, but I probably lost some years off my life. I think we have officially changed the batteries in all our smoke alarms now.

10. I am trying to get excited about Thanksgiving. It is difficult to not be with my family, but I'm excited about a Thanksgiving with just our little family here. Hopefully we can head down to SEMO to see Zach's family this weekend, if everyone remains well.

Last Day of Leave

When you have a baby you don't usually have maternity leave and then medical leave four months later. However, this apparently is how Zane and I roll. I was off for three weeks for Zane's surgery. Most of the first week we were in the hospital. The second week was a rough week, dealing with pain issues, dressing changes, sponge baths, medications, and what not. The third week was all about Mommy TLC for my baby boy.

Though I truly hope and pray that I will not be needing to take a medical leave with my next baby, I have to say it has been a great blessing to have this time with my baby. The leave has included the hardest times of parenthood, but also some of the most wonderful moments with my sweet boy. Of course seeing Zane go through all the pain and difficult times in the hospital was terribly difficult. But seeing him heal, regain his strength, and getting to spend my afternoons cuddling, laughing, and playing with Zane was amazing. Of course there were some very trying times at home as well, what with little man being in pain, but I am going to try to forget those. 

So tomorrow I return to work and Zane returns to daycare. He will only be in daycare one day this week since they are closed wed. -friday, so he will be home with Zach. Which makes me feel a little bit better. But mainly I am devastated at all that I will be missing each day. The days I work I rarely see him awake, which is heart breaking. I thought, before I had him, that I would enjoy the "break" from motherhood during my 3 days of work each week. This has turned out not to be the case. I love being a Mom and really don't want a break away from my baby. At least not breaks that include 14 hour days away from him.

I am trying to be grateful that my baby's heart is fixed and that we are all happy and healthy. But I am having a hard time thinking about all the smiles I will miss tomorrow. Say some prayers that I don't cry all day.

SPOILER ALERT

Anyone who hasn't read the Harry Potter books and just watch the movies, like myself, the following post contains spoilers of the new movie. If you have read the books and knew about all the death and destruction that awaited me in this new movie, WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME!

I love Harry Potter as much as the next guy, but there was way too much death in this movie. I'm sure this probably wouldn't bother people who aren't trying to death with and morn the death of a dear loved one, but for me, at this point in my life, it was a bit much. Every one and their owl and elf died in this movie ( yes the two most adorable characters died). Not to mention Harry trying to deal with his parents death, including a trip to the cemetery and the location of his parents murder. Yes I cried, but that isn't really saying much these days.

The movie as a whole was good and I can't wait for the last one. But that being said it was extremely dark, with a lot of HUGE snakes, murder, scary incarnations of demon souls, torture, sex ( one scene don't freak out too much Mom), and death. I also could have done without the scene inside Dumble Dor's grave, I'm just saying. There was a kid, probably ten years old, sitting behind me who I am confident that won't be sleeping for months. I might not be sleeping for a while myself.

It was nice to have a night out at the movies though. Much thanks to Maggie for watching Zane, who of course was a little angel while we were gone. Next time we are going to see something much more light hearted, hopefully with little or no death involved.

P.S. If you are ever sitting in the handy cap seating in a movie theater and a little old lady with a walker asks you if you can move so she can have your seat because she can't climb stairs GIVE HER (and her granddaughter) YOUR SEATS!!!

Turkey Cookies

To celebrate Zane's 5 month bday, and I guess Thanksgiving, Zane and I made turkey cookies. I bought this cookie cutter last year while Anna and I were at Crate and Barrel buying bowels we didn't need. I had forgotten I had it, but I found it while reorganizing my closet yesterday and new I wanted to make some turkey cookies ASAP.

This afternoon, after Zane had taken one of his two fantastic naps, we cut out the cookies and had a blast. He started in his bouncy seat, but it quickly became obvious that he wanted to be a bigger part of the action, so I moved him to his high chair to be part of the fun. He watched very intently, grinning and giggling, as I tried to think of Thanksgiving Day songs to sing. Couldn't really come up with that many, so we just sang fun kids songs while we worked. He particularly liked when the timer went off, he found that hysterical.

He stayed in good spirits the entire time and I so wished I could have shared some of the dough with him. He kept smacking his little lips like he really wanted to try it to, next year buddy you can have all the dough you want. The cookies turned out good, though quite a few of the turkeys lost their legs while being transferred to the cooling rack. I'm sure they will still be tasty.

This last picture is his, "I'm so happy to be alive" 5 month bday picture. Isn't it priceless!!!

5 Month Update

Zane is finally 5 months old!!!!  His heart is fixed, though it will never been perfect. He is going gang busters and over the past couple weeks I really have started to realize that Zane isn't a baby baby anymore. He is getting so big, doing so many fun new things, and time is really starting to go by too quickly.

As far as looks go his adorable baby white hair fell out and new baby boy white hair is coming in. It is getting really long which kind of makes him look more like he did as a new born, which I am loving. His baby blues get bluer every day. They are much bluer than Zach's and of course nothing like my green eyes. I am hoping they will tip over and be super blue like my Grandma Dotter's/sister's. I also see more of my Dad in him each day. His little ears, I think I have decided, stick out like my Dad's did in his baby pictures, his round face, and of course the hair all scream my Dad. It is neat but also makes me cry.

As I mentioned in the pediatrician post he is very long which makes him look like such a little boy. He has new fat rolls all the time which I am loving. We switched his clothes over to 6-9 month sizes around the time he got home from the hospital. There are some 12 month t-shirts in the rotation as well, which he loves because he can pull them up and show people his manly scar.

He is big into playing with all his toys these days. He chews on everything ( still no teeth) and has recently started putting his binki and other toys from one hand to the other. He doesn't roll over as much as he did before surgery but I'm sure he will get back to that soon. He scoots himself around on his blanket to get to whatever toy he wants at the time. He has also started to try to play with his toes. Most babies I know can do this easily but apparently Zane inherited his Daddy's inflexibility because he really has to work hard to reach them, but loves it when he finally succeeds.

Since he has gotten home from the hospital his sleeping patterns have been out of control. He gets up at least every two hours at night and fights going to sleep hard. I don't really know how to fix this but it is no fun. He still likes to sleep in his swing but his little feet stick out past the end of it, which is pathetic, but sometimes it is the only thing that will work.  We are on day two of trying to see if he can put himself to sleep. So far it isn't working and mainly just makes me feel like I am putting him in his room so I can go blog or something stupid and then I feel bad. He doesn't cry really, he just plays and puts his blanket over his face ( not good, but it is crocheted so there are holes in it). We will see how much longer I can handle that.

The eating is still a work in progress. I feel like he understands how to swallow better than he did a month ago but really doesn't eat that much and doesn't seem to enjoy it at all. So far we have tried bananas, carrots, sweet potatoes, peaches, butternut squash, and yesterday we started apples. So we push forward and I am sure he will grow to love eating as much as I do.

Other new Zane developments. He has officially found his voice this month. He loves to talk, coo, and blow rasberries while he plays and knows how to use his voice to get attention as well. He just recently has started talking and yelling randomly to keep himself awake. Now he also screams and throws fits when he is sleepy, hungry, crabby ect. Which are really convincing with his new trick of turning bright red when he cries ( thanks to a functioning heart). His little voice can be really adorable and really frustrating depending on the situation.

We are loving our healthy baby boy and I am going to miss him terribly when I have to go back to work. I love playing with him, seeing him giggle and smile, and it is amazing to watch him learn so many new things each day.  It has been an amazing month, I am so excited that it is behind us, it can only getter better from here.

Good Day

I figured if the terrible days deserve a post a good day deserves one as well. Today went amazingly well, with only a few minor fits from my little man. It was the first day of trying the sleeping schedule. We tried it, it didn't really work, but we will press on in hopes of having some sort of routine in the future.

The day started with Zane miraculously sleeping until 7:00AM and snoozed in his swing until 8:00AM. This was amazing and the extra sleep I'm sure had a lot to do with the day going so well. Zane and I played for about two hours and then it was time to put Zane in his crib, as advised by our doctor. He was getting tired at this point, but had yet to rock over to freak out mode. I gave him thirty minutes to chill, kick, and play by himself. When he started crying I came in, fed him a little bottle, and put him back in his crib, not fully asleep, but he quickly was out like a light for an hour! Hooray!! This gave me plenty of time to reorganize my closet, tons of fun.

When Zane woke up we moved to the basement for a change of scenery. While Zane played I rearranged the basement and brought the treadmill out of storage so I can get back on the weight loss wagon. During his late afternoon nap I made this awesome wreath. I make wreaths pretty much every year because I think it is tons of fun. I usually make them at a family arts and crafts day, however, I won't be going home for any holidays so I decided I would make one myself. This could possibly be my best Christmas wreath yet. I want to sell them on Etsy but I don't know how.

It has been a lovely day and I have thoroughly enjoyed my time with my little man. Tomorrow is his fifth month bday, I can't believe it!

4 Month Doctors Visit

Yes Zane will be five months old in two days, but we had a few other things going on when he turned four months old. So today we went to see Zane's primary pediatrician to talk about wonderfully boring things like eating solid foods, sleeping schedules, developmental milestones, and getting four month vaccinations. It was great to have such normal conversations and to be able to leave a doctors visit without feeling sick to my stomach.

Here are the vital statistics. Zane weighs 17lb 12oz which is the 75th percentile, 27.5 inches long, 95th percentile, and his head is 42cm (they didn't tell me the percentile on that one). He is doing great. She was happy with his weight gain post operatively, said his scar looks wonderful, and she was happy with all his milestones. He is cooing, reaching for things, rolling over, and doing all the fun things that a five a month old should be doing.

She did have some suggestions about how to get him on some sort of schedule, sleep wise. She said that we could put him in his crib when he is sleepy and see if he can put himself to sleep. I have my doubts, mainly because I'm concerned that he will smother himself with his blanket. We shall see though because I would love him to have some sort of schedule. She also told us that we should let him play/fuss a little bit at night to see if he will put himself to sleep. Again, I have my doubts because when he wakes up he plays and wakes himself up even more, but we will give it a shot. Last night was a disaster, I'm functioning on 4 hours of sleep currently, so it can only get better.

He got all his four month vaccinations ( four shots, one oral) and did pretty well with them. He just briefly lost his mind and looked at me like I had betrayed him some how. I kept telling him that he made it through open heart surgery with flying colors he can surely handle four little shots, but he was having none of this rational. He quickly pulled himself together and took a long nap while a did a little shopping and woke up just in time for lunch with Daddy.

Ten on Tuesday

1. For all of you wondering how the butternut squash went, it went much better than peaches but not as great as sweet potatoes. I guess that is our scale now: peaches...................sweet potatoes. So funny!

2. My hair is officially falling out in chunks, as I had been warned that it would do after having a baby.  Abbey said to expect it around four months and it very well could have started then and I just didn't notice it, but now I am noticing it and not enjoying it. Hope this passes soon and that I don't go bald.

3. In super depressing news I'm scheduled to work on Christmas. This means I will not get to be with my family for yet another Christma and I will be missing my kids first Christmas.

4. Zane had a rough night last night for unknown reasons. The kid has absolutely no schedule which is exhausting 5 months later. I have completely given up on the idea of him sleeping through the night anytime soon. A rough night leads to a rough day so I am struggling a bit right now.

5.  I go back to work next week and am dreading it. I have loved my time with Zane, even though he has had some pretty rough days. I am nervous about sending him back to daycare. He will be a month post op but I know that he is going to get sick and with having such a major surgery he won't be able to fight it as well. We will see how it goes, pray for a healthy winter for our little guy.

6.  I'm depressed that Prince William got engaged. I really felt sure that he was going to come to the States and we were going to fall in love, in turn I would get to be a princess. I have been holding on to this dream since I was about 12 years old, sad to see it go. I wish them all the best, of course, but not really.

7. Zane officially hates his PJs. Every night after bath time it gets to the point where the jammies should be put on and he looses his mind. I think he knows that this is a sign of us possibly putting him to sleep. Really bath time is pretty early so he could play in his jammies but for the past couple days we have let him play in his diaper until it is for real bed time. So silly!

8. Has anyone ever ordered anything from diapers.com? I have ordered formula from there twice and both times they have sent me something random, not formula their first try. The first time I ordered formula they sent us four packages of organic, chlorine free, pull ups. They let me keep the pull ups and subsequently sent me the formula. Today, my second try at ordering formula arrived, it contained a pink and purple baby thermos sippy cup. It looks pretty awesome, but I was really hoping for some formula. Hysterical!

9. We go to Zane's primary pediatrician tomorrow for his four month appointment, two days before he is five months old. I am dreading the immunizations, he did not do well with them last time and he is already a pretty crabby little dude these days.

10. Zach and I are going to see the new Harry Potter on Saturday! I'm super excited, hopefully Zane behaves himself for his baby sitter.

Who doesn't like peaches?

The answer to this is, shockingly, my adorable son. All last week he ate his sweet potoatoes with little to no complaint and my reward to him, for becoming such a great eater, was that I was going to let him try peaches. Some people don't let their kids eat any fruits until they have had all the veggies, but I find this kind of mean and pretty pointless, so all week I told him about the wonders of peaches. I love them surely he would too.

Yesterday marked the end of Zane's sweet potato week and when Anna I left for our shopping adventure I made sure to remind Zach that Zane got to start eating peaches at lunch. I left feeling like such a nice mother. When we returned and I started to get Zane set up for dinner I asked Zach how the peaches had gone at lunch, expecting to hear that he ate the whole container and loved them. Zach off handedly tells me that he had vomitted at lunch, but was pretty sure it was due to him  being crabby. I held out hope that he would do much better at dinner.

You guessed it, it didn't go better, actually it went worse. After one tiny bite he vomited, hard core. Not a little spit up, a full fledged gag and vomit, at the table, not very polite. We tried again today and he started to gag again so I quit. What kind of crazy kid doesn't like peaches?? Maybe he will like butternut squash, we shall see shortly.

Fairy Godmother's visit

Zane's Godmother and my BFF came in for a visit this weekend. Zane and I were both thrilled to see her and we had a blast. I had been feeling slightly under the weather all week so it was great to have some help arrive.

Anna arrived early Friday morning and got to come to the post op doctor's visit with us. It was a huge help to have a second set of hands to help with all of Zane's "stuff." Friday afternoon Anna watched Zane so I could take a nap, in hopes of feeling better, and then we had tons of fun playing with Zane. Anna was amazed at how big Zane has gotten and how much more fun he is to play with. He now loves toys, giggles, and laughs with you. So much fun!

Saturday  morning I was feeling pretty bad and went ahead and got a Zpack earlier than normal in hopes of keeping Zane healthy. Anna helped Zach watch Zane while I was able to take some naps and by Sunday I felt better. Sunday Anna and I went on a mission for new sofa pillows for our new couch downstairs. After a day of going to numerous different stores looking for pillows we ended up at Target and got some that I love. Of course we had to stop at some cute stores in Kirkwood along the way as well. We had a great time and it was wonderful to have a day out with a girl friend sans kid. I wish we lived closer to each other so we could do this more often.

This morning we took Auntie Anna back to the airport. Zane took a long nap when we got home after much cuddling to get him to sleep. He was very cuddly when he woke up too, such a blessing. Now we are going to have a fun day of playing, hopefully sans breakdowns!!! Thanks Aunt Anna for a great visit, we had a blast, come back soon!!!

Post op check up

Today was Zane's post op check up with his cardiologist and surgery NP.  We picked up Anna from the airport before we headed to the hospital. At the hospital we started, as usual, with a weight and then to the heart station for an EKG and and Echo. He weighs 17 pounds, up from 16 pounds at surgery.

We met with his cardiologist and the surgery NP after the tests to talk about the results. We had been told when we were discharged that there was till some residual blood flow through his VSD ( the hole between his ventricles), at the time they told us it was minimal and today they told us that it was totally fine. Also, when he was discharged they told us that his tricuspid valve, the valve between his right atrium and right ventrical, was "leaky." This was news to us and we weren't sure if it was due to his TOF or if it was something new. Today the cardiologist told us that it was just a little "leaky" and it was something that he had been born with, really not associated with his other problems. It wouldn't be a big deal even if he didn't have TOF but since his pulmonary artery valve doesn't close any more the pressure in that side of his heart is low anyway so it is even less of a big deal. The doctor tried to explain how this valve being leaky would help measure something in the future but I really didn't understand what he was talking about and just took away that it isn't something we should be worried about.

They assured me that his new found crabbiness isn't from any problems with his heart, which is good to know. They gave me some ground breaking advice, wait for it.....  he might have gas. Thanks, I bet I'm paying a lot of money for that little tid bit! So basically he is just a baby with possibly more energy to be crabby now that his heart works. His pepcid dose didn't need to be changed based on his weight gain, which I thought might have been a possible reason for his increased crabbiness, but I guess not. They decreased his lasix to once a day, so maybe he can sleep better since he won't be having huge wet diapers all night. In even better news we don't have another appointment with the cardiology people until FEBRUARY!!! Can you imagine, I am very excited.

We go to see his primary physician next week to try to get back to where she is really his main doctor. I feel like she doesn't really know him and hasn't really taken care of him yet, what with everything else going on. We got the first, of what apparently will be monthly, RSV shots on Wednesday. I didn't realize that he would need monthly shots but since he had open heart surgery he is at increased risk to not handle RSV well. It does make me feel more confident that he won't be getting RSV, but he did not like those shots. He will finally be getting his 4 month vaccines next week as well, they were put off because they were going to be too close to surgery. I am so glad we are getting back to some what of a normal doctor visit schedule.

He had a good day and took a 2 hour nap when we got home, worn out from his big day. He is drooling like a maniac, I think we will be seeing teeth soon.

We love sweet potatoes

I have been struggling with getting Zane to eat again after surgery. He had eaten bananas before surgery and had done well with that, but since he has been home I have been struggling trying to make other food that he will eat. I had been trying to puree carrots and sweet potatoes, but was struggling to get it thin enough for him to do well with it. He did ok with carrots, though there was some gagging, and completely hated the sweet potatoes I made him.

So after getting really frustrated with the whole situation I decided to at least price out the baby food at target today. Turns out you can get two containers of baby food for $0.97 which I thought was completely worth the decrease in my stress level. When we got home Zane started to act hungry so I thought I would see how he did with the baby food sweet potatoes.

The results were... HE LOVED IT!! He did amazingly well and ate half the container. He kicked and bounced in his chair with excitement and really wanted to be in control of the spoon. I went past the point where I really thought I should stop feeding him because he kept acting so excited, so he did throw up just a little bit, and we were both covered in sweet potato but it was fantastic!

Of course I called Zach to share the exciting news. However, my beloved son made a liar out of me. When Zach got home and tried to feed him again he wouldn't eat and spit everything out. That little rascal :)

Ten on Tuesday

1. Zane rolled over for the first time since surgery today. Hooray!!! He did vomit and freak out a little once he was there but I'm excited that he is back to doing it.

2. Zane is a drooling, teething fool now. We have tons of teething toys but nothing beats his entire fist in his mouth. I keep trying to feed him when he is chewing on his hands and he gets mad, really just wants to chew on the hand. Go for it kid!!

3. It now gets dark here at 5ish and that will get earlier soon. I hate it, I miss the evenings outside, but I guess that is part of winter :(

4. I am trying to do a little Christmas shopping here and there instead of doing it all the week before. I am trying to do this for a couple of reasons, first of all it spreads out the money we are spending, and secondly I don't think Zane is going to be up for a marathon Christmas shopping day. I have already bought a couple fun things and have a few more ideas so hopefully it works.

5. On the Christmas note I updated my Amazon wish list over the weekend. It is crazy how different my wish list is this year from last years. This year I have booster seats, baby toys, and other kids stuff for Zane with only a few things I could think of for myself and I'm totally fine with that.

6. One of our fished died yesterday, Quincy. Thankfully Beverly is still with us, but Quincy made a good month or so run, not bad. Rosemary, our other new fish seems to be doing well. In case I haven't mentioned this we name our fish in alphabetical order, so we have been through a few fish in our day.

7. We are two weeks post op so I thought I would put some pictures of Zane's incision on the blog. Any of you who are squeamish skip down to number 8. The first one is a couple days after we got home. It looks orange from the betadine that was used to clean the incision and the little pieces of tape were kind of holding the incision closed.  The two little puncture wounds were from where his chest tubes were and have one little stitch holding them closed. The second one was from yesterday during a brief play period in his crib when I finally decided his incision was healed and the bandages could come off, hooray!!

8. Zane is officially in size three diapers after major blow outs two days in a row. They look really big on him but he weighs within the limits on the box and he needs something to contain the poop, seriously. TMI??

9. We are loving our new furniture. We got a new table and a sectional for downstairs and we already love them.  It is great to have a table big enough for everyone to sit at and a place for us to sit downstairs.

10. In good news Zane had a great day. He played, ate, slept, and went on an outing to eat lunch with Zach, all without very much complaint. It was a great day, here is hoping tomorrow goes as well.

It's just you and me kid

Today Mom headed home which left Zane and I here by ourselves for the first time in about a month. The Grandma's had been here the two weeks before surgery and Mom was the last of the surgery visitors. It is noon and I already miss her help terribly. I know she thought she wasn't doing much but it was really great to have another person to give Zane to during a melt down or just so I could go to the bathroom without him screaming. However, we are managing pretty well, though it has been a trying morning. Here is the run down.

0815- Smile and wave to Grandma, possibly Zane's first smiling and waving experience ( which is a very important family tradition he is going to need to master). Come inside for Tylenol dose #1.

0830 - Zane begins to freakout, I try to get him fed before he takes a turn for the worst. While making the bottle he rocks over ( this is where someone else entertaining him comes in handy). So we head to the magic rocking chair to try to calm down.

0940 - Finally, after much rocking, singing, diaper changes, clothes changes, and multiple attempts at eating Zane gives up and goes to sleep. I ever so gently put him his swing because I have no confidence in him sleeping his bed. I lay down on the couch and immediately fall asleep.

1007 - Zane wakes up screaming, I wake up terrified because I had no idea where I was or how long I had been asleep, slight moment of panic that I had left him in his swing all day. Oh no, don't worry it had only been 27 minutes. I get Zane and head downstairs for a change of scenary.

1015-1100 - We have a lovely time playing in our new found basement. We played with our new fun toys and I decided it was time to try the jumperoo again and see if Zane is tall enough for it yet. I was happy find that Zane's feet just barely touched the floor and he had a blast jumping in it and playing with all the fun toys that are attached to it. The jumperoo also helped him poop, hooray after yesterdays struggles with this, but not hooray when I finally took him out.

1130 - I witness the largest blow out I have ever seen in a child his size. I was frankly kind of terrified but had to laugh because it was such a hot mess. Of course the stripping down and sponge bath that followed lead to a very unhappy baby so once he was cleaned and clothed trying to settle him down, feed him,  and put him to sleep began. 

1200 - Zane is finally alseep. I run to the kitchen, make a sandwich, and eat it like a crazy person for fear of him screaming at any moment. After inhaling my food I am pretty sure he is down for a while so I put together his four month pages for his scrapbook, send Zach pictures of Zane in his jumperoo, and start this blog.

1220 - Zane wakes up but seems content in his swing so I just bring him over to the table by me where he plays, until I hear the all to familiar sound of him vomiting.

1230 - Dressing change, outfit change, Tylenol dose #2. Zane watched me blog for a little bit and then was bored so we head back downstairs.

And here we are, Zane is playing with rattles and watching some TV. I am finishing the blog and hoping Zane stays happy for a while so we can play.

Crabby baby boy.... sad face

One of my biggest fears pre surgery was that Zane wouldn't be as happy and smiley as before surgery. I am starting to think this fear is becoming a reality. Over the past week Zane's crankiness/freak out time has creeped up earlier and earlier each day. At the beginning of the week he had ultimate freak outs lasting about 2 -3 hours starting around 7pm. Each day the freak outs started a little earlier until today they started at 7:30 AM. They have gone from fighting sleep at night to completely random reasons as well as fighting sleep.

The melt downs are no longer a continuous 2 hours but they are frequent and for no apparent reason. Zane will be playing and happy and then out of no where he will be screaming bloody murder and be completely inconsolable. Some times he is hungry, but once the melt downs start he refused to eat until I have rocked, cuddled, and sang him almost to sleep, then he will drink the whole bottle. During these times he also absolutely refuses to eat anywhere but in his room while being rocked. It makes for very tiring, frustrating days.

Another change from pre surgery is that he is now easily scared, whether it be from loud noises, being left alone in a room briefly, or even when Zach sneaked up on him while they were playing. Now when he is playing in his chair in the kitchen and the pots and pans make a loud noise he gets scared and is thrown into a melt down. It is so sad and I think we all know why he may be a little jumpy and scared, probably a lot of loud noises and scary things happening in the hospital.

In between the melt downs Zane plays, laughs, smiles, and has a good time. However, I think he still is sore, hurting, and probably having some bad dreams from everything. I pray  that our care free little boy returns soon and that his memories of his hospital stay fade quickly because the screaming and crying is getting pretty hard to handle.

Toy Time

Zane officially loves playing with toys. Aunt Trina graciously gave Zane all of her kids baby toys and Zach's Mom brought them to us when she came to visit this week. We spent a day washing and sterilizing them all and now we are thoroughly enjoying them. Up until this point Zane had about five toys besides the stuff that hangs off his gym. There was Sophie the giraffe, Dolores the Duck, his sock monkey friend, and the two new toys I got him after surgery, his ball and his new flutter fly. Truth be told he probably would have been fine with just these toys but now he has a ton of different stuff to choose from.

He loves to play in his pack and play surrounded by all his new fun toys. There is one that he can kick with his feet and control the music, which is very entertaining to everyone. He keeps kicking it until he finds a song that he likes, it is hysterical, but also may drive me crazy. He has a ton of new teething toys which are going to be helpful in the coming months and all kinds of things that make fun noises. There was enough that we now have two big baskets full or fun, one for upstairs and one for downstairs, where he gets to layout on a big blanket since the floor is softer. I can't wait until he can sit up, fun times ahead!

Another new trick Zane has is he has learned how to suck his thumb and has done it a couple times over the past couple days. It is the cutest thing ever and maybe he can suck his thumb at night so we don't have to go in and give him a binki when he wakes up.

Ultimate parenting tests

As a new parent you know that you are going to be faced with with a lot of challenges, new situations which you have to find the solutions to though you have no idea what you are doing. As a pediatric nurse, former day care worker, and seasoned Aunt I felt pretty confident in my ability to face these parenting test and succeed. I might even go as far as to say I was a little cocky. Well all my confidence went directly out the window when Zane was diagnosed with a congenital heart defect. I immediately became unsure about everything that I had been so confident about before hand. I don't know why this was, nothing really changed, he never really had any major problems from his heart defect, but it shook me to my core.

However, the biggest parenting tests have come since his surgery. The first one being the moment we first saw him after surgery. When we walked into the ICU we were escorted down to Zane's room (10) and were greeted by his nurse, who being a CICU nurse was pretty intense. She knew her stuff and I felt confident that she was taking great care of my son. Once the initial shock of seeing our baby, all puffy, with a breathing tube, and multiple pumps/monitors, passed we realized that he was moving and moaning/whimpering out in pain. Zach and I both instinctively reached out to stroke his head, talk to him, and try to comfort him as best we could without holding him. Our nurse quickly stopped us and gave us our first and largest parenting test. She told us that post operatively, when babies are coming out of sedation, it is best if they have as little stimulation as possible. This means, no talking, no stroking, no patting, singing ect (all that a mother/father would naturally do to comfort their child). She did say that we could place one hand on his head, but no patting or stroking just place light pressure on his little forehead, and one hand could go on his legs. That was it, do that, be still, and send the power of your parenting presence and love through your hands to calm your whimpering baby. I looked at her like she was a crazy person, but I knew she knew best. So that is what we did for the first day. Each member of the family came and stood guard by his little crib and when he would begin to move around and cry out each person would place their hand on his little head and poor the power of their love and prayers into our little boy. It worked pretty well, but it went against all my Mommy instincts.

Once he started to wake up more we were able to talk to him, but very quietly and not for long because he was asleep most of the time and talking/singing would startle him. The more he woke up the more we were able to whisper our calming messages to him. We were able to stroke his little head, which felt like a full fledged cuddle after our day of holding our hands still, but we still couldn't move him or hold him, so still a huge struggle to calm our baby when he was in pain. This was heart breaking and I so longed to hold my sweet baby.

By the end of the second day, when Zane was inconsolable, even after medications, I was able to hold my boy again. It took two nurses about 15 minutes to get everything situated, untangled, leveled ect. but I could hold my baby and rock him to sleep. It was the greatest feeling and I hated to put him down but I knew being held wasn't really the most comfortable position for him ( another difficult realization to wrap your head around).

As time went by and more and more tubes/drains were taken out holding him became easier. However, picking him up and holding him became yet another parenting test. How do you pick up a baby whose chest was cut open? Exactly the opposite of how you picked up before his chest was cut open. So when he was crying in the night at the hospital it was a huge ordeal to pick him up. You had to get all his wires straight, make sure his pulse ox probe didn't come off, and then ever so gently scoop him up with your hand/arm behind his back/chest so as not to pull on his incision. Then the challenge of how to hold and cuddle him began. The things that comforted him before now hurt him. Sigh..... so frustrating but after a few times we passed this test as well.

Now we are home and things are easier. We passed the hardest of tests, though not without causing Zane some pain in the process. We are more comfortable with picking him up, we are use to the new way now. But I still want to put him up over my head and kiss his little face, which of course would be a bad idea. I want to bounce him on my knee, and did briefly yesterday, only to be reminded by Zane that that did not feel good. For the past two nights he has had major melt downs before going to bed. He had these about going to bed before, but now the more he cries the more his chest hurts, hence more crying, and it becomes a vicious circle. And the answer isn't always holding him as you would instinctively think, because again a cuddle that helped before now hurts, but sometimes it does help.... so frustrating. I am sure this phase won't last long but it has been very trying and heartbreaking to watch. I am blessed to have an amazing husband to be going through this with me, I couldn't do it without him.

 Needless to say I now have all my confidence back about being able to handle the normal parenting challenges and boy am I ready for something boring like teething or an ear infection!

Ten on Tuesday

I'm back with Ten on Tuesday after last week's crazy Tuesday.

1. Zane is still struggling with keeping his pain under control. Last night he had a major freak out that took me about an hour to get him pulled out of. It took me a while to get him calmed down enough to give him some oxycodone and he stilled freaked for a while after that.  It breaks my heart and hope this phase passes quickly.

2. Zane is back to eating solid foods. We took about a week off before surgery because the bananas were plugging him up and we couldn't try new foods until after surgery. He had his first taste of carrots last night and did really well with it. Hopefully the freak out wasn't because his belly hurt from the carrots.

3. We are getting better at the bathing, dressing change, medication routine. We have determined that giving the meds first, with the lasix last, bath, then dressing change is the best order. Zane does great with the dressing change but would really like to feel his scar, we work hard at preventing this. The worst part is how red his skin is where the tape goes, he still has a couple weeks with a dressing, poor thing.

4. We got our sectional for downstairs yesterday. It was an extremely tight fit. I was concerned for a second that they were going to have to take it back. But they made it work and it looks amazing. It will double our living space and be perfect when we have a little man who needs more room to run and play. Our new table gets here Friday then our old table will go downstairs for puzzling, games, arts and crafts, and extra eating space. Time to start inviting people over to our house.

5. I voted today and encourage you to do the same. When I went this morning I was the youngest person there by a solid 40 years. This did mean I didn't have to wait because I was willing to use the touch screen ballet, but is always disheartening to think that people my age don't vote. What is going to happen when all the old people die and no one votes. I am choosing to believe that all the people my age were at work and will be voting afterward, right???

6. Zane went on his first outing outside house arrest today. Nothing major, just a quick lunch at Panera Bread. We sat in a secluded corner by the fire and he seemed to do really well. He also rocked his baby pumas which are unbelievably adorable.

7. Speaking of baby shoes. I realized that Zane's baby shell toes fit, the day before surgery. They are the cutest thing ever, thanks Jess for all Zane's fun baby shoes. I don't know if he loves them but I adore them!!!

8. I cannot believe it is November. That is crazy, but I am so ready for this year to be over. I'm ready for a fresh start, surely next year will be better.

9. I hate the leaves that come with the fall. I don't understand how they don't just blow out of my yard, I guess because the wind doesn't blow 100mph here like it does back home. But Zach and I have decided to "break the rake" and just mow our leaves under this year instead of the constant raking and bagging we did last year. It drove me crazy, after a day of bagging leaves our yard was covered again the next day.

10. We had our first fire in our fire place on Halloween and I loved it. This is one of my favorite fall/winter activities. Nothing is more cozy than a fire. We will have to have another one soon.

A week later

I cannot believe it has been a week since Zane's surgery. When they told us about the surgery they said 7-10 days in the hospital so I was planning on coming home yesterday or today. But here we are, home for a few days now and settled back into our normal routine just with a little bit more Tylenol. At times I can't believe how quickly everything has gone. I feel like we were barely in the hospital and things just moved so quickly and went so well it was hard to keep up.

At the end of everyday I say a prayer for the families that we shared that space with who are still there. The families who had been their long before we ever arrived and who still are sitting in that waiting room day after day or at their child's bedsides praying for a miracle. It was tough seeing and living it from the view point of the parent. As a nurse I come in at 7am and stroll into these patients rooms, knowing that it wasn't a restful night, but I never fully grasped it until now. I now know the constant strain a family is put under.

Each night there was about an hour span of time were we debated where to sleep, who should stay up first, where should we shower and a laundry list of other random things. We were only their for four days and I have never been so exhausted. I cannot imagine how the families I deal with, who are their for months at a time, handle it. I kept thinking I would go home one night and sleep, but I now understand how that is almost physically impossible for a parent to do. As a nurse I never really thought about the security of the items patients and families had in their room/waiting room, but as a parent it was  a great stress. When we were in the waiting room some member of the family sat guard with our stuff while the others went and spent time with Zane. When we slept in the parent lounge a large reason why my sleep was so restless ( besides the uncomfortable chair) was the fear that someone would come and steel our stuff. I also now fully grasp how frustrating it is to wait all day to see a doctor for maybe a minute. We were up and ready at 6am when they "started" rounding and usually never say a doc before 7am. It is a helpless feeling, you are basically trapped in your room and then when they did get to our room their was never any ground breaking news ( thank the Lord). But this, day after day, got unbelievably frustrating and exhausting.

I am eternally grateful for the life we have. For how easy our stay at the hospital was and how fortunate we are for such amazing results, but I am heart sick when I think of those families that are still there. For a brief moment I was one of them and I'm sure I will see them again when I go back to work, in the same room, the same clothes, with that heartbroken, exhausted expression on their faces. I wish I could help them or ease their pain in some way, but I guess my daily prayers for their precious children is really all I can do.

Changes since surgery

There a few noticeable changes we have noticed with Zane since surgery. I cannot believe how quickly we have noticed a difference.

1. As I think I mentioned in a previous post he turns bright red when he cries now. Sadly he cries a lot more as well, but hopefully this passes soon. He gets red all over, especially his little head which you can see so well due to his white blonde hair. My sister assures me this is what babies with functional hearts look like, it will just take some time to get use to.

2. He breaths much easier. Before surgery we could hear him breathing from our bedroom ( it is just next door, but still). Now we can't hear him and when you go in to check on him he is breathing so much slower and just seems much more peaceful. When he is awake he also doesn't seem to be breathing so fast. He never worked really hard to breathe, he just breathed a little fast.

3. Randomly he burps a lot better. I have no idea why this would be, but it is true. He was a horrible burper previously, but now he burps easily and with every feed. However, if you forget to burp him he will vomit immediately which he did not do before. This is really strange to me, but is a noticeable difference.

4. He eats a lot more. I always thought that he was eating less because of his reflux but since surgery he has been eating a ton. He also doesn't need to take breaks when he eats anymore. I keep finding myself taking the bottle out to let him take a break, but he just freaks out and looks at me like "what are you doing mom, I'm hungry." He isn't breathing quickly so he has more energy, I guess. All I know is that he is truly going to become a chunker now.

5. Zane now feels really warm to me. I am constantly taking his temperature because I think he has a fever. Turns out he doesn't have a fever he just has appropriate circulation. This also leads to him getting a little sweaty because I keep bundling him in his blankets with his fleece pjs. He even feels a little sweaty when I am just holding him for a long time. I now have to reset my mommy hand thermometer which I had only barely gotten to work pre-surgery.

6. His little voice sounds raspy and some how lower. When he is in his gym talking to his toys he sounds like he has a little old man voice.  Also, when he cries his little voice gets really hoarse which makes his crying  in pain that much more heart breaking. I am sure his throat hurts from being intubated so hopefully this too will pass quickly.

7. He doesn't roll over. This I think is a good thing for now. The nurse practitioner told us before surgery to not stop him from doing stuff after surgery, but that he would not do whatever hurt him. He rolls to his side occasionally, but not for long. Before surgery he was rolling over like a crazy person so I am sure he will get back to that soon.

8. He has started to enjoy his toys more, this has nothing to do with surgery, but is a new thing for him. He plays with his duck and the new lamaze "flutter fly" toy that I got him the day after we got home. Aunt Trina is getting all her baby toys together to bring us when she comes to visit and I am sure he will have a ton of fun with them.

9. His heart beat still isn't back to normal and they told me at the hospital that he will always have a murmur. I listened to it when he was in the ICU and it sounded slightly better but not much. For some reason I am really sad that he will always have a murmur, I know it isn't a big deal but I was so looking forward to a normal heart beat. I listened to it tonight and I could hear a little bit of a normal heart beat as well as a murmur.

10. I feel like he has more energy, at times. I think some times he over does it because he has so much more energy which leads to him being in a lot of pain, but at the same time fighting sleep. I think once he is all healed up he will be going a mile a minute. 

And the biggest change since surgery, he has a functioning heart!!!!!!! This means his mother has stopped crying every night we she puts him to bed. What an amazing blessing, I love him to pieces!!!