After reading Abbey's September 11th story I decided I wanted to record my own story for my future self and my children. It is one of the few days in my life where time stood still. There are only a hand full of other days like that, April 19th, the day Zane was diagnosed, and the day dad died are the only ones I can think of right now. Their are parts of the day that are burned in my memory forever, and then there are large portions of it I don't remember at all.
I was 18 years old, starting my senior year of high school on September 11th, 2001. I went to a tiny high school, with a class of 44 kids, most of whom had been in my class since kindergarten. My dad had taught at this school since before I was born, so the teachers there had all watched my siblings and I grow up. I lived five minutes from the high school so the morning of September 11th I was at home watching the footage of the first tower while getting ready. I remember Matt Lauer talking about how a small plane had flown into tower one accidentally, possibly a pilot with a medical condition. I'm not sure why I didn't actually leave for school, probably engrossed in the footage, but I was home when the second plane hit, watching it live.
I saw the plane coming into the shot and remember thinking, "that's weird, there is another plane flying by, awfully low, oh God." After I saw it hit I knew, like the rest of the world, that this was no accident. My heart sunk, feeling confused and scared. I watched a little more footage then quickly headed to journalism class.
Once at school I was relaying the information of what I had seen to my friends in class. Looking back on it, we were in a room full of computers, but weren't searching the internet or watching the news on them, not sure why not. In the midst of the rumors flying through the room, my dad came and found me. He of course was in tears, as he told me that the mall in D.C. was on fire and there had a been a car bomb by the white house. We would find out later that this wasn't true, but at the time this was the point when the shock and horror for our country turned personal. My sister was in law school at the time, a few blocks away from the white house. Dad and I hugged and cried together for a moment before we became frantic to get hold of Abbey and Brent to make sure they were safe. However, this was before everyone and their dogs had cellphones, so it would be a long wait before we could talk to either of them.
This is the point where the day and my memories get very foggy. I remember I didn't go back to journalism class, not sure why, but I set out on what would be an hour or two of doing random things for different teachers to keep busy as we waited to talk to the Richards clan. I don't know if dad set this up or if the teachers did this on their own, but during that period of waiting I was kept strangely busy. Mr. Gallagher met me at the top of the stairs when I left journalism, with some random task for me to do. Then I remember Mr. Deckman finding me right at I was done with that task, with a huge stack of papers he wanted me to copy, and this went on, with different teachers finding me, until my friend Brandi found me with the news that Brent was on the phone, finally. I rushed to the office, as Brandi took the famous note to dad telling him that Abbey was ok. I talked to Brent briefly, and was shocked by his calm, I wouldn't be now, ten years later I now know that Brent is the calmest person I might have ever met. He told me that Abbey was walking to Georgetown, that he could see the smoke from the Pentagon, but that they were fine, and he was staying in the lab. During this time, where I was walking around in a daze, I remember feeling strongly that the Lord was working my life, keeping me busy, protecting my family, and some how keeping me pulled together. At 18 I remember feeling a great since of peace even in the midst of all the fear and heartbreak around me.
The rest of the day the whole school (again, not a lot of students) sat in classrooms with TVs watching the events of the day unfold. I remember the towers falling, I remember murmurings from the senior boys (all of who were 18 or soon to turn 18) about how they would be going to war, we saw the Pentagon and Pennsylvania footage, on and on. At some point I remember eating lunch in an unbelievably quiet lunch room and then heading off to a different room to watch more footage until school was out.
The drive home is one of the memories that is burn in my mind vividly. I remember getting into my periwinkle neon (yes that was my awesome first car) and I began to cry. The emotions of the day hit me like a ton of bricks. In the midst of my mini breakdown the song "
Somewhere in Between" by Lifehouse started playing. I don't remember having heard this song before this moment and the lyrics were exactly what I was feeling at that point in time.
I can't keep
Losing sleep over this
No I can't
And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing
Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening
This is over my head
But underneath my feet
Cause by tomoroow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy
Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomoroow
I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this
Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening
Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real just a dream
As I walked in the door at our old house the phone rang. It was someone from the Enid News Paper. They had seen in Abbey's wedding announcement that said she was moving to D.C. after she got married and they wanted to see if she was alright. What they really wanted was a horribly tragic story to tell, because when I told them that she was fine, though a little shaken up, they quickly hung up with me. Dad called me a short time later, from school, telling me to go to the elevator to get gas. Even my 18 year old self questioned the rational of this and told dad I didn't need gas and wasn't going to sit in line for no reason. He, of course, was a nervous wreck and I'm sure went and filled his truck up after he got home from school. The rest of the night doesn't exist in my memory, expect the phone call when I finally got to talk to Abbey. She told me about her crazy journey home and seeing the black smoke from the Pentagon all day.
The weirdest part of looking back on this day is the fact that so many people, who are extremely important in my life now, didn't exist in my life then. Some of them, like my nieces and nephews didn't exist at all. But others like Anna and Zach, existed I just didn't know them yet, which seems odd. My future husband had to send his draft card off on September 11th, I'm sure thinking he was headed to war any day. The other strange part is my mom isn't in any of my Septemeber 11th memories. I obviously saw her at some point, I was living at home. But I don't remember her account or experience of that day at all. I only vaguely remember talking to Able that day, but have no idea what he said. He was at OU at the time and I have never heard his September 11th story either, ten years later, kind of strange. Anyway, that's my account of the day that defined my generation. Not fun to remember, but I want my kids to know my story. It makes me sad to think that my kids and my nieces and nephews never got to know the so called "pre-September 11th" world.