Questions From The Backseat 2.0

I feel like questions from my backseat might become a regular feature on my blog. I know everyone is over joyed! Usually I love seeing how my children's minds work and what they are thinking about. Also, I want to remember how I answered these big questions when they were thrown my way. In this weeks installment of Questions From My Backseat we have two, very different, very deep questions.





I'll start with the funny one, to which I had no answer, but it cracked me up. Rowan once again asked me why the sun was moving. We had a  refresher course on the earth moving, the sun being stationary, and the clouds moving past the sun (which had prompted his question). Rowan asked why the sun didn't move and I told him it was a star (I don't know why stars don't move to be honest). Then he responds with, "Mom, seriously???? The sun is a star?? No way?" All of this is said in his best, "your out of your mind" voice. Also I would kill for a recording of him saying seriously because  it was seriously hysterical. Then he moved on to the question I did not have an answer for "how was the sun made?" So I went with an honest answer "God made it, remember you bring the sun and stars in during the creation story at church." This answer sufficed and I was left ponding how was the sun made?? God, right, I remember.








Now to the second question that ripped my heart out and brought me to tears. It's not a new thing
for the backseat questions to bring me to tears. I'm asked why my dad is dead at least once a week in the car, but this was a new kind of hurt. A new kind of parental heartache I never truly experienced before that I can't quite stop thinking about. A few weeks ago, on the way to baseball Zane told me that they had gotten a new PA system at school and it had been announced that an intruder was in the building. I knew they have intruder drills, which in itself is terrible, but I wasn't sure what their code word was for that. So I asked if that's what they say for the drills. He proceeded to tell me whatever their code sentence is, which means there is an intruder in the building. He told me that when they hear that they "go hide in a corner, pull down the blinds, lock the door, and are as quiet as a mouse." My heart exploded envisioning this scene. Twenty three terrified first graders huddled in the corner, in a darkroom, praying for their lives.








At this point I was driving in stunned silence, not sure what to say. Then this question was hurled at me from the backseat. "So mom when you were in school what did they say over the intercom when you had intruder drills?" Perfectly rational question for Zane to ask, but cue the tears from me. I told him we didn't have intruder drills because up until my freshman year in high school there had never been an "intruder situation." The images of the kids running out of Columbine with their hands on their heads came flooding back. The scene outside Sandy Hook where parents were frantically trying to find their babies, and the now all too familiar school shooting scenes flashed through my head.




School shootings weren't a thing when I was a child. The front doors to my grade school were always open. The people in the office knew every single person who would walk in the building and most likely could never have imagined the horror of a potential "intruder" situation. Zane was shocked that I had never had this drill as a child, but also he said this "well I mean it's just a drill, no bad guys ever come into schools." Oh my sweet innocent boy. How can I shield you from the terror of the world around you? By this point I was obviously crying and he was confused as to why. So I took a minute, but then decided he probably should know that this was a thing that had happened, in the United States, frequently. That there have been instances of bad guys coming into schools, for God knows what reason, and doing really bad things. That's why you have to have drills for it now. That's why when you walk into his school you're in a little glass cell, doors locked all around you, to make sure everyone gets checked in and is supposed to be there. But let's be honest, locked glass doors won't stop a crazy person with an assault riffle. No one needs an assault riffle.








I'm not sure what Zane thought about all this or if any of the realities of the world around him sunk in, at all. He quickly moved on to asking about his baseball game. However, this conversation broke me. Absolutely cut me to my core. This conversation made me realized just how easily I could be one of those crying parents looking for their kid. It could be my baby's face on the news. These tragedies can happen anywhere at anytime to anyone, and we as a country are doing absolutely NOTHING to try to prevent it. Not a thing, except having our children practice huddling in corners of their grade school classrooms, terrified, being quiet as a mouse.





Thoughts and prayers and hashtags about standing with different cities do not do anything. Posting "insert city Strong" on social media does not save lives. Changing your profile picture to show support for the most recent cities torn apart by gun violence DOES NOTHING.  Moments of silence and flags at half mast do not bring anyone's loved ones back. On average every day ninety three people are killed by guns in this country. Ninety three families EVERY SINGLE DAY are torn apart, devastated by gun violence. That's almost a twenty five percent higher rate than that of every other country. We can and have to do more. I can't keep having these conversations with my children. I can't explain these numbers and ALL the tragedies to them, it's too hard, it breaks my heart, and in the country where we claim to be the greatest country in the world we have to do better, we have to do something, to protect our citizens. And just for the record in the event of my untimely death (because anyone who dies at the hand of gun violence died before it was their time to go) politicize the hell out of my death. My untimely death will be the exact right time to talk about gun control, just fyi!


VOTE!

Tales of a Tet Baby: Seven Years Later

So the other day Zane had a really bad splinter in his finger. We found it right at bedtime and sent Rowan to bed while we went to try to dig it out of his hand. What should have been a quick little procedure turned into a forty five minute ordeal. We soaked his hand in soapy water, we tried tweezers, we tried a needle, we did everything. Zane was very brave, but eventually ended up in tears hugging his blanket. Thatcher was crawling around on the ground by his brother, pulling up on the couch to get a better look. I'm sure he was wondering why his big brother, who is never anything but full of smiles, was crying. In the background of this scene I could hear Rowan crying in his room for his brother. It was the most pitiful cry. I went to try to comfort Rowan while Zach continued working on Zane's hand in the living room.

What I found was a heartbreaking scene. Tiny little Rowan, curled in a ball, in his little bed cave, clutching his blanket, crying about his big brother. "He's my favorite brother!!!!!! He teaches me everything!" He teaches me how to read!" (Side note this is not true, but Zane is Rowan's motivation to learn how to read.) "Is he going to be ok? I miss him?" Just a blubbering mess of sadness. Part of me found it really entertaining because Zane was having a splinter taken out of his hand, so was in no way in any danger of dying. The other part of me was stricken with panic, flashing forward to Zane's next surgery when he won't be coming home for a few days, he'll be in actual danger of potentially dying, and little Rowan will have to deal with all of that most likely without his parents present. Obviously he'll be older, but I am beginning to think about and/or worry about how his future surgery is going to effect our whole family, not just how terrifying it is going to be for me.

That pretty well sums up this year on our heart journey. This year there has definitely been a turn in the road of our heart journey. I feel like we've started on the next phase where surgery isn't imminent, but it's also not a decade away. It is becoming more of a reality and I find myself worrying about much more tangible, real things not just hypothetical. I've spent most of this year in a panic/rage about the on going healthcare crisis in this country. My child, with his pre-existing condition in right in the center of that mess. Praise God none of the absolutely horrific bills became law. There's still lots of battles to fight on that front all of which can easily affect many aspects of our future journey. Just one example, the executive order to not fund the Affordable Care Acts subsidies could easily cause our out of pocket costs for future care to sky rocket.

Once again this year Zane asked if he could take snacks for his class on his heart birthday instead of a random day in May, for his June birthday. So today he took Oreos to share with his class and once again answered questions from his peers about his heart journey. Most everyone knew he'd had heart surgery since earlier in the year he'd missed a day to get a his MRI. This year the questions ranged from "How old were you when you had surgery," to the very common, but unexpected from children, "Did you mom and dad know your heart didn't work you were in your mom's belly?" Zane couldn't remember how old he was (Mrs. Blue helped him with that math), but he did remember that we didn't know his heart was broken when he was in my belly. I love his confidence and I love that his classmates are getting to see and understand that kids just like them could be going through very different things that they don't know about. Everyone is fighting a battle, you can rarely see it from the outside.

Today was also dress like your favorite sports team day for Red Ribbon Week. I thought it was quite fitting that he wore his baseball uniform. Our little heart warrior has grown to adore baseball this year. It's not lost on me what a huge blessing it is that our heart warrior is healthy enough to play the game.

Happy heart birthday Zane. I could not be more proud of you and the way you handle the life story you've been given. You rounded out your heart birthday playing with your best pal Maggie J and then heading to a Cub Scout Pack meeting with your dad. We love you more than words sweet boy!



Weekly Update

1. This past week I've finally gotten down the winter clothes for the big boys. In good news we have clothes that fit everyone, for the most part. Added bonus I found these matching shirts that were Rowan and Zane's when Rowan was a baby. Now we get a second go around of cuteness. Look how chubby baby T is, he's going to pass Rowan any day now.

 2. Thursday the boys and I made a quick trip up to the farm. Abbey's kids were there so the kids had fun exploring the farm together. Here are all the grandkids, minus baby Alice, decorating pumpkins. T had fun crawling around the porch trying to eat leaves.

 Here is Maggie J swinging with baby T, she's a great help with the babies as is Brendan.

 T's favorite toy at the farm was the tiny piano, he's quite the little musician.

 3. Saturday we had a little family vacation to Alabaster Caverns in Western Oklahoma. It's gypsum mine, one of only a few left in the world. It's very interesting to watch the landscape change so dramatically as you head up towards the panhandle. We made this quick trip because, due to the terrible state of Oklahoma's budget, they might have to stop giving tours of this awesome cave. So glad we went, the boys loved it. They saw lots of bats and are pretty sure that's where Batman lives. Also there was a snake outside when we left as a perfect added bonus. I spent most of the time trying to not fall to my death while baby wearing Thatcher. There's over three hundred stairs covered with bat poop and wet mud. I'm happy to say we all made it out alive.

Here we are ready for our adventure!

 We didn't plan it, but here are our boys rocking their Antler Pride sweat shirts. It's the only hoodies we have at this point.

 Sweet Baby T!

 Waiting for our tour to start!

 4. All the way there I kept telling Zach that Dad use to tell us about how the state use to be under an ocean and that's how the shale mountain type formations were formed. I didn't remember the details, but vividly remember him talking about this all the time during our daily bus rides. So here are my boys in front of the sign telling about how the Permian Sea use to cover the state and it's multiple rises and falls were what created the multiple lays of rock/shale formations seen across the Northwestern part of the state. I remember now Dad!

 5. Here are the boys post tour. Thatcher was ready to get down and try to find some leaves to eat. The other boys got to pick out something in the gift shop (our continued attempt to fun the tours I guess). Zane got a book about Oklahoma's reptiles and amphibians (because we definitely don't already have twenty of those books) and Rowan got a tiny stuffed bat.

 

 6. We had thought about going to another State Park before heading to the lake, but opted not to, in an attempt to beat the storms that were rolling in. We had just enough time to get unpacked, roast some hot dogs, and make smores, before the winds changed and the storm rolled in. It was a lovely, cozy night at the lake, if not terribly restful. Thatcher was wide awake at 4am for some reason.

 7. We made another stop by the farm on our way home. The boys did some painting on the tree house

 Rowan also worked on perfecting his technique of climbing the big Elm tree. He's doing great.

 8. In other news Thatcher can now officially pull up on everything, crawls around everywhere crazy fast, and has even started cruising along the couch. This is making parenting harder for sure, but he's so dang cute when he's following his brothers around.

 9. Zane is a fantastic reader and we're trying to find new books to keep him interested in it. This week he read one of my all time favorite childhood books, Mike Mullagan and His Steam Shovel. I love listening to him read.

 10. Monday we just so happened to through together and sibling lunch on a moments notice. The big cousins were still out of school on fall break and Uncle Able came to join us too. Here's the whole cousin crew. They are all with their age buddies and all so adorable. Baby T was not having any of this photo.



Ten on Wednesday

1. One of my favorite things to do in October, in OKC, is going to Pumpkinville at the Myriad Gardens. This year their theme was Cowboy/Western. It was Thatcher's first trip to Pumpkinville and our little pumpkin head was so adorable. We had a great time.



Here is my favorite scarecrow from this year, Bullseye and Woody!

 Looked at this sweet little baby face!

 

2. Thatcher continues to speed right through all the developmental milestones. Last week he mastered crawling, he makes his way all over the house now. Saturday he started trying to pull up on the footstool. Yesterday he got himself up and started pushing his little play table around. At work on Sunday there were multiple ingestion kiddos with not such great outcomes, a pretty clear reminder that we haven't baby proofed this house yet. That's next up on our to do list. This kids going to be in to everything any minute.

 Oh and this happens in his crib which means sleeping is a thing of the past.

 

3. Yesterday we dug up our sweet potato crop. Grandma brought us one sweet potato plant and we got these two huge sweet potatoes, not bad! It's definitely the biggest crop we've had from anything we've planted in our numerous gardens.

 

 

 

 4. Look at this adorable kid. Nothing makes me realize how green my eyes are until I take a picture with Mr. Blue eyes. I'm in awe of my biggest boy. He's such a great big brother, he's always a helper, he's kind, he's loving, he's funny, and he's growing up too quickly. This fall season of baseball he's worked so hard, practiced twice a week, with one or two games a week as well. He has loved it and in the process our big man has lost seven pounds and his pants are fall off him. He comes up to my shoulder and I just love him.

 5. The past two nights were double header at the ballpark for my boys. They were chilly fall evenings so Thatcher and I were bundled up watching the games. Rowan did great last night getting two big hit, all the way to the fence, and getting a couple outs at home when he was playing pitcher. Rowan has a make up game left on Tuesday, but I'll be at work so last night was my final night at the ball field for this season.

 

 

 The Lake Monsters played their last game last night. The night before they had their only loss, to a far superior team. They won last night with a great showing. Kids who never got hits during the season got hits and got to run the bases. The boys had a great time and their crazy coach remained crazy. It was a bitter sweet night for me because it's very unlikely that this team will be back together next season (see crazy coach mentioned above). I have grown to love all these boys. I've loved watching them grow and improve so much together. They have all become good friends and we've become good friends with the parents. I'm not sure how it will play out, but it was sad watching them all play together probably for the last time.

 

 



Zane does not know that his team will likely be breaking up next year, but he shed tears at the thought of baseball being over for the foreseeable future. Spring time is a hundred years away for a seven year old. He's truly grown to love baseball. He's so tender hearted he is going to miss his friends too.

 

 6.  It has finally started to feel like fall, at least in the mornings and evenings. Thatcher is wearing 12- 18 month clothes. These are the clothes I have memories of Rowan walking around wearing when he was one. He's huge and adorable. Look at him in this darling hat. This was how he greeted me when I got him out of the car to go into the gym! Love these blue eyes, they look EXACTLY like Zane's.



 

7. Yesterday my nephew Everett got to spend the day with us after his morning dentist appointment. Rowan and Everett are the best of friends and are so adorable when they play happily together. They are the exact same size and they crack me up. They spent a solid thirty minutes sitting together in this chair chit chatting. Who knows how long they would have stayed there had I not come out to take their picture.

 



 

8. Last night, before the ball games, we went to Zane's parent teacher conference. We got a great report. Zane is doing great in everything, reading at a third grade level, speeding through his math facts, and is a wonderful friend to all his classmates. He needs to work on his handwriting, stop breaking his crayon and playing with his scissors, and ask questions when he doesn't know what he's supposed to be doing. I'm so proud of our little first grader.

 

9. Monday I went back to the rheumatologist to report on how my new meds were working. I had been taking them for three weeks and the only thing that had changed was that I felt miserable Thursday-Saturday. The doctor said I should be seeing some improvement and thought my hands actually looked worse. So we are now on to injectable medications. I will start taking them, giving myself shots once every two weeks, just as soon as the doctor can convince my insurance that I truly need them. Who knows how long the hoop jumping will take, until there my hands are not any better.

 

10. After years of waiting and hoping that one day we would have a child who bear crawled in the grass, today little Thatcher did just that. Zach's mother has a picture of Zach that looks just like this from when he was a baby. I think Zach was in a diaper, as I recall, but some idea. Thatcher was not a fan of crawling in the grass, but did have fun playing in the yard with the big boys.

 

Ten on Tuesday

1. Most of last week we spent dealing with the stomach bed going around our house. Rowan, who has  seriously only thrown up three time in his whole life, even was taken down by it. I had to call into work, Rowan spent Friday on the couch, and Thatcher is still recovering from diarrhea. Oh so much fun this week at the Korenak household.

Here is Rowan after saying "Mommy can you get me my blanket and a blanket?" I love his little face.



2. Before getting sick Rowan hit up some friends of mine, selling popcorn on behalf of his brother.  He wears the hat and even has a little speech that he gives. It's adorable and we are only four sales away from filling up our entire order form.

 3. Rowan's skeleton costume has arrived! He's working on learning all his bones and I think he will have them mastered by Halloween. What a cute little skeleton.

 

4.The jury is still out on what Thatcher is going to be for Halloween. Today we tried on a Santa costume, an elf costume, and last we tried on Rowan's horse costume. All were too small so it's still up for debate.

 

 

 



 5. I worked all weekend and while I was gone Zach was a rock star single parent. Sunday he got both boys to Sunday school, took every one to baseball practice, and rounded out the day by hosting a Cub Scout den meeting at our house. Rock star, he's now joke folks. They made gourd birdhouse, planted bulbs, and went on a nature walk, as well as all the Oaths and Laws that are required at all Cub Scout events. Thanks Zach you're amazing!

6. Next week is fall break for Zane's school. The year has kind of started off with mixed results. I think academically things are going well. Today I asked him what part of his school work he has a hard time with and his response was "none of it, because I'm very smart." Great he also is not lacking in confidence. However, there's been quite a bit of drama from the playground and the bus. Misunderstandings, hurt feelings, all sorts of things, but he's done well working through them. Parent teacher conferences are next week, we'll see what the teacher has to say about the year so far.

7. Thatcher had his six month doctor's appointment today. He weighed in at 20lbs even (87th percentile), 27.5 inches long (78th percentile), and he has a huge head. For comparison sake Rowan weighed in at a whopping 15lbs when he was six months old, but was around the same length. Zane was an inch taller and a pound lighter. I'm not sure I can handle a larger child than Zane, but if he's going to be as big as Zane he's going to need to be as tall. He got all his shots and then I sprung a flu shot on Rowan just to mix it up. Two screaming kids, lots of fun. It reminded me of the one time I scheduled baby Rowan and 3 yr old Zane's doctor's appointments at the same time. Both got shots, both were crying, it was a nightmare. I'm pretty sure I left crying. Today I was totally fine with it. I handed my screaming baby over to the doctor, while I put my four year old in a full blown wrestling hold, then everyone was fine by the time we walked out. I think I've mastered this parenting thing. I guess that means it's time for the next stage. Dang it.

8. Yesterday it was hot and muggy, highs in the 80s, until right around the time baseball games started last night when a cold front came blowing through freezing all the baseball players and their families. Luckily I knew this was coming. I bundled up the baby and brought blankets to share. Today it was chilly and gloomy. It felt like fall, which on the one hand is great (even though tomorrow we're back into the 80s) but on the other once it's fall it is a fast slide into the end of the year. Halloween snowballs right into Thanksgiving and then I'll blink and it will be the first of the year. For some reason this time of year goes by so fast I can't keep up. I am trying to prep myself to slow down and take it all in. We'll see how that goes.

9. Thatcher and I stayed home from this evening's ball game because it was too chilly. Good news that I did because Thatcher was one crabby baby who, wait for it..... wanted to cuddle me!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wish he could be less crabby and more cuddly on a normal day.

10. Thatcher's eyes are changing. They look exactly like Zane's eyes. They are lightening up, becoming more bright blue. I love those eyes. Rowan has my eyes, which is nice, especially on the kid that doesn't look like me at all, but I do love these blue eyes.