Ten on Tuesday

1. We had a wonderful birthday weekend of celebration for little Rowan and had a great visit with Grammie and Papa. Thanks so much for being here for Ro's big day. We all miss you guys already. Here they are with the boys.

2. On Friday and Saturday the weather was in the upper 60s, perfect for a little boy's birthday bash. However, by Sunday it had gotten a little bit chiller. We braved the wind and ventured to the, newly found, neighborhood park. It isn't very far away and has everything you need in a park, swings, slides, and a rocking car. I'm sure we will be taking a lot more walks there in the future. Hopefully with warmer temps soon.

 Rowan is quite the big boy, climbing on everything and sliding by himself.

 

3. Learning letters continues here, though admittedly not everyday. Yesterday's letter was M, which happens to have lots of words that start with it. We made muffins with Grandma, ate Mac and Cheese for lunch, and had meat balls for dinner. I thought he had gotten it down pretty good, right up until we started today's letter, N, then he was thoroughly confused again. He has A-L down pretty well, struggling with E and K (kind of important on for him), but we press on and he seems to like it. I don't know if they will be doing letters yet in the three year old room at school, but I'm sure he will be learning lots of new things there as well.

Yes, Rowan knows how to climb into Zane's tower now. I'm sure that is going to end terrible at some point, but so far they have done well together in it.

 I remember now why I don't take pictures with my kids, I'm huge.

4. This morning we got to go see Brendan's First Grade music program which was entitled Aesop's Adventures. It was very cute and Brendan had a speaking part as part of the Wolf group. He brought out his deep voice for his speech and did a great job. All the kids knew their parts and sung their little hearts out. As an added bonus Rowan and I got a work out running around the back of the gym. Zane was very excited to Brendan, but was quite sad that after the program was over he couldn't stay and play with him.

5. I mentioned in yesterday's post that Rowan is a man of many faces. Well here is my current favorite Rowan face, the monkey face. He sticks his little lips out like this all the time and it's just too cute.

6. The sippy cup battle rages on here with a little bit of improvement shown last night and today. The saddest thing is when I try to cuddle him in his room and he waves his little hand at the table where his bottle use to sit and cries. I'm not sure if he is waving good bye to them or if he is trying to point to what he wants, either way it's very pathetic. He did drink quite a bit of water and milk last night when he woke up. So maybe he is starting to give up the fight. It's just so sad to see him so devistated.

7. I'm not sure I mentioned in the birthday post that Rowan got his bug quilt from Grammie for his birthday. Zane has his on his bed and Rowan has enjoyed crawling around on his the past couple days. Zane has taken inventory of which bugs Rowan has that are also on his quilt and noted that there weren't aliens on his (possibly a little jealous). All the other gifts Rowan got have gotten lots of play time over the past few days as well, mainly from big brother, but that's ok.

Here is Ro checking out his quilt. My favorite part are the bug buttons that Grammie sewed on.

 The elephant ball popper is now not only used to pop balls, but doubles as Zane's hair dryer. Very entertaining.

 Here is Zane riding Rowan's giraffe, which is way too small for him, but he doesn't seem to mind.

 

8. I don't think I put Rowan's 12 month pictures in the post yesterday. They were taken a few days prior to his birthday so they could go on his birthday photo banner. I loved how they all turned out and am so glad that I spent the $8 on the stickers and kept up with taking them throughout the year. I compared Zane and Rowan's birthday banners (per Zane's request) and they each definitely have their own look.

 This is his giggle face and his little crossed feet, so cute!!

 

9. Today I tried to get all my new hire stuff done for my job, but apparently I'll be returning on Thursday to try again. Unorganized people annoy me. Just get everything done in one appointment and lets move on. I did get yet another TB test so I will have that read Thursday then back to HR for more paperwork. Sigh...

10. Here is Rowan with his new big boy hair cut. He looks so much older and his head looks so much littler now. Oh, and he also looks a lot more like his dad.

This morning when I was combing it down Zane said, "oh no mamma, his hair turning white." Funny boy!





Ok I'm off to bed early. I'm starting to feel sick, which would be devastating since we have all been drinking out of the same sippy cups around here during sippy cup training. Pray we all aren't sick tomorrow!

Rowan at One

Rowan had his one year doctor's appointment today, which told us what we already knew, which is that Rowan is a little guy and will most likely stay that way. Here are the one year old stats.

-Weight: 20lbs 6oz - 34th percentile
-Height: 29 3/4 inches - 46th percentile (per his doctor this equals out to him being 5'11" as an adult)
-Head circumference: 46 3/4cm - 68th percentile

Today he got three shots, none of which he had gotten before, and he handled them surprisingly well. The doctor gave me his speech on head trauma, to which I told him he was preaching to the choir. After finding out that I was a pediatric neuro nurse he said, "So I assume you won't want to turn his car seat around now either." Nope, he will be rear facing indefinitely. Otherwise he is meeting all his milestone and is a healthy little boy.

Currently little Rowan is pretty miserable, mourning the loss of his bottles. Let me be really clear, Rowan HATED his bottles, all year. He would only eat them when taken into a dark room, seduced by his cuddly blanket and songs. The past couple months he has only drank a bottle in the morning, before his nap, one before bed, and then whenever he woke up during the night. The rest of the day he had been absolutely loving his big boy sippy cups. As of Saturday his bottles were taken away and he now absolutely hates all forms of sippy cups. Well he does love the one's that he can get out of the cabinet, that are empty. We power forward on this battle. He doesn't need to eat over night and he is still peeing so I think we'll make it. So far he will take random sips from the plethora of different sippy cups we offer him and occasionally drink out of my camelbak water bottle, but of course not his miniature camelbak. He is eating lots of applesauce and even got a little taste of a water and apple juice combo tonight.

 Here we are enjoying our matching camelbaks. This didn't last long. You might notice he also has a sippy cup in the bottom picture. There are all different types floating around here these days.

Other big changes in his one year old life include putting himself to sleep. This was not really our plan, so much as he won't cuddle, at all, without a bottle. So into his crib he goes, alone, and screaming. Last night this lasted all of eight minutes, which felt like an eternity. Today at nap time it was maybe two minutes. I remain hopeful that all this will even itself out, just in time for daycare to screw up all his life and any semblance of routine we might have.

 Here is my sleepy baby on his birthday. Yes, he still loves his binki and no I do not plan on taking that way anytime soon. Not that cruel.

Which brings me to his next big change which will start next week. Rowan will be heading back to daycare, after a four month hiatus. To a one year old four months is basically half his life so I'm sure he has no recollection of  being in daycare. The thought of him at daycare literally rips my heart out and makes me cry multiple times a day, to the point that my ears are swollen and I've had a splitting headache for two days. I just envision him walking around aimlessly, so confused as to why we would leave him with strangers, in a little room. I can't even talk about it without bursting into tears. At least Zane can understand what is happening, Rowan has no idea. So terrible. Beyond Mommy guilt.

In less traumatizing news Rowan got his first real big boy hair cut today, using the clippers. He looks much older and wiser, compared to the haired out look he has been rocking for the past couple weeks. I was waiting until after his birthday to cut it, in case it looked terrible, like it usually does. Those are all the big changes, all of which are putting him in a pretty miserable mood. There has been lots of whining and crying the past couple days, without really being able to be consoled.

Otherwise, at one, Rowan is fun little guy. He has mastered walking and wonders around the house all day, picking things ups, taking them to different places, bringing me things, finding random toys to play with, and trying to survive the attacks of his brother. He loves chasing Zane around or following him around like a little puppy. He stands at the bathroom door and cries when Zane is taking a shower or going to the bathroom. He climbs on Zane and is starting to hold his own a little better with Zane's rough style. Rowan gets his pushes, hair grabs, pinches, and sometimes even bites in to get even with all Zane's abuse. Rowan doesn't really cry when Zane pushes him over, sits on him, or hits him in the face with pillows. Zane thinks this means "Rowan likes it." In turn he thinks he shouldn't get in trouble, false! Their relationship is often frustrating, but remains very loving and adorable at times as well.

Shortly before this picture Rowan had been standing on top of his brother, who was laying on his slide.

Rowan's favorite things at one are (still) electronics, with his new toy remote that he got from brother being one of his favorite toys. He still fights and cries for the iPad, computers, and phones. Rowan loves climbing on anything he can find, so his new little slide/climbing place has gotten a lot of play. He climbs up slides and steps at parks, onto the kids picnic table, onto the couch, and his newest feat is climbing up into Zane's tower. Rowan has also started picking up, in his own little one year old way. He puts toys back into their basket, takes Zane's dishes out of the cabinet, walks around with them, then puts them away. He also brings me little pieces of trash or things off the floor to throw away.

While he is becoming a bigger boy, he still is quite the little guy. He is wearing 12 to 18 month clothes, with some 6-9 month old corduroy pants still in rotation. His bottom is still the tiniest thing ever and does no good at keeping his pants up. Though he is very little Rowan has a huge personality. He has a makes a million faces a day including some terribly dirty looks. He has quite the temper, which goes hand and hand with his complete lack of patience. He knows what he wants and he needs it now. Usually what he wants is whatever his brother has and vice versa. I can see that in no time Rowan is going to be the one doing the abusing. 

It has been a joy watching my baby grow into himself. He has a style all his own and oh so adorable. Though he still isn't cuddly, there are moments when he reaches up to be held, or puts his little arms around my neck, that just melt me. I love his babbling (not really any real words beyond mamma, dada and an occasional no/up), his big smile (with seven little teeth), his giggles, and all the wonderful things he brings to our family. Love you little one year old boy!

Happy First Birthday Rowan

Yesterday my little Rowan Boy turned one year old. It's hard to believe, he's such a little guy, and my little baby, but he is now one year old! We have had a great two days of celebration of our little man's first year. Yesterday Rowan woke up with some amazing birthday hair and got to open his present from Zane and enjoy his big gift from daddy and I. Rowan was needing lots of daddy cuddles, but sadly Daddy had to got to work. Completely devastating, but he powered through and had a great day. He took a, much needed, long nap. Grandma Blakley dropped by to hug and kiss the birthday boy and she joined us on our trip to the candy store to get some candy for Rowan's Zoo cake. We had lots of fun playing with Grammie and Papa, and enjoyed the gorgeous weather. It could not have been a bigger contrast from the blizzard that was happening last year on his birthday.

 Rowan is quite the daddy's boy.

 We got him a little slide, just his size. He has thoroughly enjoyed climbing all over it the past two days.

This is Rowan, wearing Zane's first birthday shirt. Somehow Rowan looks so much littler in it than Zane did.

 

 Fun with Grammie and Papa!

In the evening we had some of Rowan's favorite foods, turkey meatloaf, broccoli, and sweet potatoes. Of course this was followed up by celebratory cupcakes. This was, by no means, Rowan's first taste of sugar, or cake. But he stilled thoroughly enjoyed it. Uncle Able and Aunt Kari came up to visit the birthday boy, brought party balloons, and joined in the birthday fun. Everything went well, lots of love, lots of fun, and lots of looking back on Rowan's first year. The evening ending with what was suppose to be Rowan's last bottle. Turns out that Rowan woke up every two hours over night, so he got a few more bottles than we had planned.

Love this big boy, smiling, green face! Classic first birthday shot!

 Messy fun before bath time.

 

Today was party day!! Zane and I had decorated the house on Thursday, lots of Zoo Animal fun, birthday banners, picture banners, party animal masks, and animal shades. Zane has been so excited for Rowan's birthday and has loved celebrating these past two days. We had a wonderful, small party, with Grammie, Papa, Uncle Able, Aunt Abbey, Everett, and Aunt Anna. Ro got lots of wonderful presents, that Zane got to open for him. Rowan could have cared less, but enjoyed playing with them later. All things considered, Zane did wonderfully with everything. He did get a few presents of his own and did a great job showing Rowan his new toys. This afternoon the weather was warm again which meant lots of outdoor fun, including a water table, something I didn't think Rowan would be able to have at his February birthday party. We did miss Maggie and Brendan, who were celebrating their other cousin's birthday in Dallas. Happy Birthday John!!

  

The cake was of course a zoo. Zane helped with animal placement, with Ro Ro the hippo taking the place of honor on top. I think it turned out amazingly cute.

  

Rowan stood on this chair, checking the cake out, very seriously, while we sang him happy birthday. It was hysterical and Zane was pretty sure he needed to climb on the table to help Rowan blow out his candles. Rowan wasn't really feeling the cake today, so not so much messy fun.

Cool guy in his tiger shades and his very own birthday shirt.

 

 Then there was the outdoor fun!

Many thanks to everyone who sent gifts who couldn't be here and for everyone who has surrounded our little man with such love all year long. Thanks to all our friends and family who helped us survive the difficult first year. It's been a rough year at times, but I'm so glad we could end it with such a wonderful celebration for little Ro Baby's first year! Happy Birthday Sweet Boy!!!

Favorite picture from his birthday, I think. Look at that sweet smile.

Birthday week: A Year as a Mother of Two

This time last year I was putting Zane to sleep, as an only child, for the last time. As I sung him to sleep, it was bitter sweet as I knew how much would change. But his little two year old self had no idea what was about to happen. I knew that our night time routine would just be one of many things that would become completely different.

Now, a year later, I'm a proud mother of two amazing boys. I knew things would change but I never imagined just how much. I knew that I would love Rowan just as much as I love Zane, but wasn't ready for my heart to be pulled in two different directions at all times. If Zane is crying or sad then Rowan is wondering aimlessly around the house, by himself, often crying as well. If Rowan needs to be put to sleep or is crying, then Zane is off by himself, usually sad that I'm not with him. It's never ending and in all areas of life. My heart breaks with theirs and I can't stand to be away from them. I can't imagine being a mother five or eight or ten. How would your heart handle all that love and all that heartache?

Overall my year as a mother of two was by no means a normal year, where we could really adjust to the big changes of having two kids, because we were adjusting to a million other changes.  There were a lot of moments were I really felt bad for all the craziness we were putting Rowan through. He never was able to get into any type of routine. He too, I'm sure, was confused about where he would be sleeping each night, and why his daddy wasn't there every night. Due to all the change he is much more attached to his daddy and I than I remember Zane being at this age. Every time I start packing up for ALL of us to leave somewhere, he has a meltdown thinking that I am leaving him. I need to be in his eye sight at all times, which usually means me holding him while cooking dinner, folding laundry, or helping Zane do any number of things. It's exhausting, but I am well aware that this time will pass all too quickly and soon I won't be able to hold him at all. 

The logistics of being a mother of two are still a struggle. Things like going to the park are much more difficult now that Rowan can walk and Zane is all over the place. Not easy to keep them both in my line of sight and I don't trust either of them not to run away at this point. I think I've pretty well mastered us going pretty well anywhere together, just a lot more baggage, and takes a lot more time to get us ready.

There have been struggles, mostly involving big brother trying to adjust to not being the only child, but for the most part I have loved having another little boy to play with and to love. I adore seeing his bright and shinning face in the morning, even after nights with little to no sleep. I love watching them together, I love knowing that when I am not here anymore, they will have each other. I know they will be best of friends, even if they struggle to get along right now.

As much as I love it, the honest truth is, motherhood is freaking hard. It's emotionally and physically exhausting. I know I won't do anything more important in my life, than raise my children. I want, so badly, to do a good job at it, but know there are days that I don't. I'm tired, I'm stress, I'm scared, I'm sad, I loose patience, I'm human. This year, having two kids, instead of one it has gotten harder, but the rewards are twice as sweet. Tonight I got to sing and cuddle to boys to sleep, what a wonderful reward for all my hard work.

**Side note, turns out there aren't very many pictures of me and the boys, separate or together. I should work on that.