Ten on Tuesday

Ok here's the ten on Tuesday in no particular order.

1. Today Zane went back to school after a great fall break. This week is Red Ribbon Week, where Zane gets to learn what drugs are! I'm not sure that is a great thing, but it is what it is. I might have dressed him in his 70s outfit this morning, only to read the Red Ribbon Week email a few minutes before it was time to go to the bus. Oops! So he rocked his CHD Red shirt instead. Tomorrow is his 6th heart birthday! Can you believe it?

 2. Wednesday Zane finished his kindergarten sight words, finishing his rainbow of words. He is reading faster, better, and more these days. They are working on sounding out words and word families now, which he's eating up. Here is is reading books during book time last night.

 3. Sunday evening we went over to Uncle Able's to help with baby Alice's nursery, well Zach helped we played. But first we stopped at the park and Rowan conquered the huge slide. He was so proud of himself and bragged for days.

 While Zach and Able worked, Rowan and his worker guys had a lot of wood blocks to work with as well. Rowan always has lots of work to do!

 4. This weekend Great Grandpa's party got postponed, after Grandpa got a kidney infection. But the fun continued with lots of fall excitement. Such as camping in the woods with Daddy and Uncle Able. Maggie and Zane slept in the woods all night and were rock stars!!

I can't count the number of marshmallows the kids ate over their three days at the farm. I think Maggie had about ten marshmallows a day.

 Rowan and I visited the campsite in the woods briefly, but didn't stay long after we heard some howling coyotes.

 5. Rowan and E had a blast at Grandma's as well. They are best of friends and found all sorts of fun to do together.

6. There was lots of hay bale jumping. This is a classic fall activity at the farm. Brendan taught Rowan how to jump bales this year. It was adorable and he was such a good teacher. Rowan is now a master of hay bale jumping!

 7. Fall at the farm means lots and lots of campfire, morning, noon and night. With lots and lots of marshmallows.

 This is Zane at the morning fire, cuddling a chicken. Mom's chickens are very tame and easily caught. The kids caught them all day for three days, poor birds.

 8. Thursday, before heading to the farm, we went to Pumpkinville with Grandma and Abbey's kids. Great times!

 9. In the morning we went to a pumpkin patch to buy some pumpkins for carving. It was a yard full of pumpkins, but it was loads of fun!

 10. Lastly, this kid got a rave report at his parent teacher conference last week. He is doing great and his teacher only had good things to say about him. Of course he was at the conference, which I found weird, but I assume that she would have told us if something terrible was happening. He's such a big kids!!

Tales of a TET Baby: Success!!!!!

I'm six years into being a heart mom. In those six years there has been a lot of hurdles, a lot of milestones, and a lot of lessons to teach. From the very beginning there were a few things that I wanted to make sure I got right. First of all I wanted to make sure Zane knew about his diagnosis. I wanted him to understand it and not be ashamed of it. I wanted him to know what he went through and to be proud of the scars he bears. I also wanted him to feel comfortable talking about. I didn't want this one part of his life to define him, but I wanted it to be a part of his story that he could celebrate. Through the past six years there have been a lot of long talks and lots of looking at pictures. From when he was very little he wanted to know about when he was in the hospital and I wanted to tell him. I've discussed on various levels of learning from "you're heart had a boo boo that had to be fixed." To our most recent conversations about what would have happened if they hadn't fixed his heart. As he grew our conversations grew.

All of this hard work, for me, was preparing him for when he exited his little perfect bubble at home and went out into the big bad scary world of school. Where no one knew his story, where kids were mean, and he needed to be able to stand strong in his truth, in his story. I am happy to report that after a few months in kindergarten and I think I can officially say all of our hard work has paid off. On the second or third day of school he told his teacher about his surgery and his scar, after she didn't ask him about his "I'm conquering CHD" tshirt. Then this month I saw that his birthday was listed on the 19th. It was a happy accident leading to him being able to celebrate his heart birthday at school. A week or so ago he told me that he had "told his class about his heart surgery." He told me that his teacher had asked him to explain his heart birthday to the class. Then my six year old, brave, confident, proud, heart warrior stood up and told his peers about having heart surgery as a baby. He explained that every year, on the day he had surgery, we celebrate his heart and his life. He didn't show his scar, because he "was embarrassed," which I don't believe, but I'm sure everyone had already seen it.

I can't imagine having this strength, this confidence in myself at six years old. I'm glad that he didn't go into the gruesome details of how they cut his chest open and tied it back together with wire. I am beyond proud, that at six years old, he has the words and understanding of his diagnosis to tell his peers his story. So today he and his class celebrated his heart birthday. He was quick to tell his teacher that this wasn't the actual day of his surgery, but close enough. In his class there is a birthday bag that each child takes home. They bring back their favorite book, snacks for the whole class, and two pictures of him and his family. Zane picked out a family photo (per the instructions), then he asked if he could take a picture of "his surgery." After telling him I didn't have pictures from inside the OR. We settled on the scrapbook page from when he was in the CICU. I could see his first childness shining through, since the page had four pictures on it and the rules said to bring only two pictures, but we powered through and he brought the whole page.

Of course I had to work on his big heart birthday celebration at school, but he brought cookies, his favorite book "The Naked Mole Rat Who Gets Dressed," and his pictures. When I got home he was wearing his birthday crown and told me he'd had a great day. He said his friends called him brave and were all "happy he is ok." Aren't we all big man. Tonight I will rest a little bit easier knowing that this kid has is a proud heart warrior, ready to tell his story and proud of what he's been through. May you never loose your confidence young man! I love you so much!!

Ten on Tuesday

1. Zane finally was well enough to go to school on Friday after being sick with strep all week. This meant that Rowan and I got to join Everett and his mommy on their day of fun. We went to the opening day of Pumpkinville, which never disappoints. It was tons of fun and the boys were full of cuteness.

 The Willy Wonka scarecrow was by far my favorite.

2. Rowan had been feeling great until this morning when he told me his head hurt and it hurt when he swallowed. So back to the doctor we went today. Yep Rowan has strep over a week after his brother. I thought we all had made it out of the woods, but of course that's not the case in my life. Now both boys are on antibiotics and I'm just bidding my time until my turn. I spent most the day trying to explain to Rowan why we couldn't go anywhere because he was sick. He couldn't grasp it because he felt fine. I talked in circles all day and there were lots of tears.

3. Zane missed most of fire safety week, but was back in time for the trip to the fire station  on Friday. Here's his little kindergarten class. He's friends with everyone and his best friend changes daily. Aren't they adorable!!!

Friday evening he was bubbling over with all sorts of fire safety knowledge that he wanted to share with us. He called Zach and I on not having changed our smoke detector batteries/have detector up in all our rooms. And he also told us repeatedly he needed to draw a map to the mailbox and we needed to have a fire drill. You'll be happy to know that we have done all those things! Fire safety on lock!!

 3. I worked Saturday but was cancelled on Sunday so I got to take part in the fire safety activities and got to take a special trip, looking at nature, with Zane. We were at the park but Zane wanted to look at trees, flowers, and well... nature. We had a great talk and I desperately miss my time with this sweet boy!

 5. As of late we have started Sunday night dinners with our whoever in the family can make it. This week Brendan led the kids in some fire safety drills include stop drop and roll, running to dial 9-1-1, climbing under smoke (aka the slide), and feeling doors to see if they are hot. It was very entertaining and Brendan always relishes being in charge.

 Rowan stop dropped and rolled every time, these were not Brendan's instructions, but he has this skill down.

6. Look at Mr. Cool Guy yesterday in his skinny slacks, button up shirt, and shades. Love this kid. He wears a button up shirt pretty much daily. So crazy!

7. Zane's doing great in school and has almost made it through all his rainbow site words. Per Zane he's the first in the class to do so. Who knows if this is true. They have started a little bit of math, which Zane complains he already knows, but has had a few mistakes on his homework so looks like he could use some practice. Parent teacher conferences are next week and  then fall break. It's going very quickly but I'm glad it's been going so well.

8. Rowan is still trudging away at learning his letters. He really likes practicing writing them more than learning what they say or trying to find them in books. He's doing good, we've gotten through G with S, R, and Z mixed in. He has gotten extremely good at coloring, mainly at Child Watch at the Y. The way he learns is completely opposite from his brother's so all the tips and tricks I had from struggling with Zane are doing me NO good.

9. I'd like to wish all the many October birthdays Happy Birthday. This weekend we'll be celebrating mom's birthday, last week was Aunt Kari's, then there's a big birthday party for Great Grandpa, followed by Uncle Able. Lots to celebrate this month, it should be tons of fun.

10. Lastly, baby's doing great. I have an appointment again on Friday where I don't think we're doing anything exciting, but we'll check in on the little nugget. Many thanks to everyone who has sent well wishes and for everyone sending up prayers for our little peanut. We'll take all the prayers we can get. I am feeling better, still coughing, but that's not the baby's fault.

First Trimester Recap

I'm fifteen weeks pregnant today and thought I should do a recap of the first trimester since I wasn't documenting it as I went along. I found out I was pregnant the earliest I ever have with this baby. Making for an incredibly long first trimester. I think by your third one you just can tell that something is different with your body and with me in particular I start feeling horrible right away, which is always a sure sign. The hardest part of this long couple weeks was waiting to tell the boys until after the first doctor's appointment. I couldn't face telling them and then having to explain a miscarriage to a six and three year old. So we waited and Zane frequently questioned why I was throwing up and feeling miserable all the time. He was suspicious to say the least, but didn't know all those things went with being pregnant so never guessed.

As I said in my previous post the first doctor's visit was less than thrilling, but I did see our little alien baby, squirming around and heard a nice strong heart beat. I think I did a post about hearing the baby's heart beat during Rowan's pregnancy. How with Zane the heart beat was everything. If we went to the doctor and heard a heart beat there was a big sigh of relief, everything was right with the world. If there was a strong heart beat there was nothing to worry about. Little did we know that the heart beat we were listening to was the one thing that would actually be wrong with our sweet boy. So when I was pregnant with Rowan, and now with this baby, hearing the heart beat gives me a twinge of anxiety and wave nausea washes over me. I feel like I have heart beat PTSD. I have flashbacks to holding a screaming baby down for echoes and the many tears that followed. I know it's irrational, but that's the truth.

The evening of my first appointment Zane had a t-ball game. When the game was over I told the boys I had a surprise for them when we got home. I'm sure they were expecting presents or candy, but I think they were equally excited to find out they would have a new baby brother or sister in the spring. Zach recorded me telling them the good news. Zane's face was priceless and I don't know that Rowan really understood what was going on. Zane had a face of pure shock/horror. He had come down firmly on the "not wanting mommy to have another baby" side of our year long debate. Rowan had always said he wanted a brother, but doesn't get the long wait that comes with creating a human. We showed them the picture of the baby, which at that point didn't look much like a baby, but kind of helped with the concept. I'm glad we'll have the video for the future, even though it's less than flattering of me.

This pregnancy has been quite a bit like the last two, feeling miserable most of the time, but with this baby I have been the sickest at night, from around 6pm until the morning. This has led to missing quite a few t-ball games, moaning on the couch, unable to face the 90 degree weather. There have been lots of sleepless night wondering why this sweet baby hates me, feeling sure it has to be a girl if it's being this brutal to me. The day time was slightly better, which was good for working, but still exhausted and felt crummy most of the time. I did finally get some Zofran at 12 weeks which helped and the past week or so has been better pregnancy wise, just in time for my yearly cold/cough!

Unlike with the boys I am exercising regularly during this pregnancy, trying to keep up my routine of going to the gym on the days I'm not working. I've been doing great, minus having a sick boy at home all this week. I feel good while I'm exercising, but then have been struggling with nausea once I'm done. I have almost thrown up in the pool a few times, but haven't yet. I'm loving swimming while I'm pregnant because in the water you don't feel like a huge cow, you're weightless. Less exciting to get in the bathing suit and out of the pool, but it's just me and the old people, and a few Olympic swimmers, in there in the morning. Guess I should find a maternity swim suit soon, but the thought of that makes me want to vomit.

As of late Rowan has been talking a lot about being a big brother. He talks to the baby, pats it, and gives momma lots of hugs and kisses. Rowan tells everyone he meets he's going to be a big brother, most recently Zane's doctor got the news the moment he walked in the room. Rowan also uses his new found big brother status as excuses to not do things or as a reasoning why  he can do things. "Mom I can do ..... I'm a big brother!!!" God forbid you tell him he's not a big brother yet, he will quickly correct tell you he is already a big brother. Aunt Abbey and I made this mistake last week and Rowan was not too happy about it! Last week we also found lots of big brother shirts in the winter clothes box so he spends lots of his day changing out his big brother shirts and parading them around for me. Good thing he is so tiny because these shirts were worn by Zane when he was barely two and Rowan is three and a half. 

Zane is remarkably less excited about it and rarely, if ever, talks about the baby. When you ask him if he's excited, he always says yes, but quickly moves on with life. He is quick to tell Rowan he is already a big brother so it's no big deal to have yet another younger sibling. Zane has also been less then sympathetic when it comes to my sickness. "Mom you just feel terrible because you're pregnant." I'm going to be honest that his lack of sympathy he probably got from me, but still not a lot of love coming my way from the big man. I know he'll be a great big brother and a huge help, but he does remember how his world exploded when the last baby arrived.

Today's cuteness came when I asked Rowan what we should name the baby if it's a boy. His suggestion, Bob, after Bob the Builder of course. "We could call him Bobby." He's adorable and I love his pure excitement. The girl name is pretty well set already so Rowan didn't have any girl name suggestions. I love watching Rowan's little mind work. I can only imagine what he thinks is going to happen when this sweet little one arrives.

Now we've round the corner into the second trimester. This trimester includes the excitement of finding out what we're having, in mid November. And I guess at some point we should try to prepare our house for this new person. It should be lots of fun!

Ten on Wednesday

1. Fall ball is almost over, which means Zane is finally getting excited about playing and figuring out what is going on. It takes almost the whole season to get to this point, which is frustrating, but last week he fielded well, hit long balls, and ran fast. We missed last night's game as we are on day three of some random illness that has Zane laying on the couch all day.

 Very serious face Zane between innings. I have no idea why this is how he posed for his picture.

 2. We are almost two months into Zane being in kindergarten, but his little brother is still struggling hard with Zane being gone. We have afternoons of crying and needing lots of cuddles, multiple times a week. He misses his Bobo so much and just doesn't know what to do with himself. Imagine his confusion the past two days when Zane was here, but wouldn't get off the couch to play. It was like the world was playing some kind of sick joke on him.

 Reunited with his best buddy, it's all love and cuddles.

 3. If I had to sum up my life in one photo it might be the picture of these pants. For some unknown, insane, reason The Lake Monster's uniform includes white baseball pants. This is stupid on every level, but especially since they play on ball fields with shale red dirt that stains everything it touches. Last week I decided I'd try bleaching Zane's pants to get the red out of his pants so he would look somewhat pulled together. I bleached them, nothing. Then I soaked them in oxy clean all day, nothing. Then I soaked them in oxy clean over night and washed them. When I got them out of the wash, this is what I found, white pants, covered in blue crayon. At that point I threw them away and called in recruits. Many thanks to Grandma who bought Zane new white pants while Zach and I were at work.

The problem was not solved, as this was Zane after his Thursday night game.

4. We woke up Saturday morning to beautiful fall weather. We headed over to the big pond in our neighborhood for some fishing. Much to my surprise we caught a big catfish! Fun time!

5. This weekend we also completed the spookifying of our house. My favorite are my three new ghosts! They are adorable!

The boys painted these leaf painting for me, which also added a little less spooky fall décor to the living room!

6. Sunday Rowan woke up with a vision for his church outfit. It revolved around a bow tie, which he did not have, but he knew he needed. This is how it turned out! It was awesome and his style continues to amaze me. We got out his winter clothes yesterday and he spent all day changing his clothes.

7. Monday I got a call from Zane's school by 9:30am. saying he had a fever. I went and got him and this is how our two days since have looked. Zane laying on the couch moaning about his head hurting. He occasionally has energy to do things, after getting Tylenol or Ibuprofen, but then quickly returns to the couch. I'm pretty sure his brain is melting into mush watching Fineous and Ferb for two days straight. We went to the doctor who looked in his ears and swabbed him for flue. Both things were fine, so who knows. I'm going stir crazy and getting slightly stressed about his only complaint being a headache and low grade fever. We're home again today, as he spiked another temperature around three yesterday. Today he is slightly better, but still needing meds on schedule.

Rowan is easily convinced to be extremely lazy and has been playing games on the ipad pretty much all day. Feeling like a horrible parent today.

8. I did talk to Zane's teacher, to make sure we weren't missing anything big. Zane was pretty concerned he was missing art class and the library. Today we did some math in the morning, he's read me all kinds of books, and Rowan continually quizzes him on his sight words. Zane is almost through his rainbow of words so I'm sure he won't really  miss anything while he is gone.

9. For me the change of seasons means terribly allergies, fighting off a sinus infections, ending in a terrible chest cold. A week ago I had a slightly scratchy throat and I knew exactly how it would play out. I am now at the phase where I have a gunky cough and no energy. I can successfully ward off the sinus infection by inhaling tea tree oil twice a day, but haven't found a natural solution to the horrible cough. I also can't take me usual go to meds since I'm pregnant so I'll have a cough until about May.

10. Last night there were big storms at mom's house. The weathermen in the state had hyped up everyone about huge storms in the city but we didn't get a drop of rain here. Mom had gale force winds, ending in the cute little pointy part of the treehouse roof blowing off. The treehouse still stands though, but we shall see how the treasures inside held up. Hopefully we all get well soon so we can be healthy for fall farm camp and Great Grandpa's big birthday party in a few weeks.