Ten on Tuesday

1. Well it has been a rough few days here at the Korenak Casa. Luckily Grandma flew in to the rescue Sunday night. Zane woke up sick on Sunday and hasn't been himself since. He randomly throws up, a couple times a day, doesn't want to eat or drink much, and just feels crummy. All he really wants to do is watch movies or play the iPad all day. If Zane will lay on the couch for any period of time without moving you know he is sick. I think we might have turned a corner this afternoon, but we shall see.

2. Here Zane and Grandma at breakfast yesterday. We mistakenly thought that since he hadn't thrown up since Sunday before lunch that we were good to go get cheese and eggs at Panera. WRONG!
Midway through our grocery shopping it became obvious that he was going to throw up. In an amazing act of parenting, or act of God, I found a Ziplock in my diaper bag, avoiding a disaster. He looks totally fine in this picture, not the case. Yes, rowdy came to breakfast with us.

3. Yesterday was inauguration day which would usually means it was Brendan's birthday. However, the 20th feel on Sunday so late birthday wishes to Brendan.  He was born on inauguration day, in D.C., which is a pretty fun fact. No there wasn't an actual inauguration going on the day he was born, but still fun. Happy sixth birthday to B.W., he told me the present we got him was "awesome" so I think I have succeeded. Well, not totally succeeded because this year is the first year that I will be missing his birthday party, sad face. Thanks to little Rowan keeping in the STL for the foreseeable future.

4. While lounging around with a sick boy we did watch a lot of the inauguration coverage. It's always fun to see all the pomp and circumstance surrounding inauguration day. I couldn't help but think just how young our country is, this is only president number 44, that's crazy! Here is Zane watching his first inauguration. He promptly fell asleep, no surprise there.

 When he sleeps I can still see his little baby face on that little boy face of his. I love it!

5. Zach flew out to Arizona for work yesterday. I am beyond grateful for my mother, who actually came in for a fun visit with us, but it has turned into possibly more than she bargained for. There has been your classic middle of the night vomit and laundry, an overly emotional little boy, and one very pregnant mommy. Many thanks for saving the day again Grandma. My house would be a disaster and my kitchen would be over flowing with the dishes at this point were you not here.

6. Mom has also cooked us tons of things that we have frozen in preparation for Rowan's arrival. We now have mini meat loaves, pulled pork, ranch burgers, and ham and cheese pockets waiting for us in the freezer. I know this will be a great blessing in a few months or weeks when I no time or energy to cook anything.

7. It is four months until I turn thirty. I am excited about a new decade and always happy to have another birthday to celebrate. It is better than the alternative. I will have just barely got two kids in under thirty, which was always a goal. Now I am ready to join my much older siblings in the thirties!

8. Speaking of birthdays, happy birthday to dear friend Brandi, from high school, whose birthday is today. She complimented me on actually knowing her birthday. I'm not on Facebook so if you get a happy birthday text from me it is because I actually know your birthday, not because I'm cheating and saw it on Facebook   Also, early happy birthday to my friend Emily whose birthday is Friday. I will go ahead and throw my brother in law Brent in on this too, his birthday is Feb. 1st. It is a ways away, but I'm sure to forget it between now and then.

9. Here is Zane playing his iPad with his puck bucket on his head. No there hadn't been any puck in it yet, just keeping it near by just in case. This morning, when he initially felt a little better, before sliding back down hill, he made his little puppy that he rides around "throw up" in said puck bucket then cleaned the puppies face off. Funny? Sad? or maybe just a great way to sum up the current state of affairs here at our house.

10. Lastly, it snowed a beautiful, light snow here today. It came out of now where, since I have been out of touch with the outside world, and was quite lovely. Huge flakes that fell quietly, without any wind, or storm to go along with it. Zane and mom put old bread out for the birds, which I try to do all the times and no birds ever show up. However, mom is a bird whisperer so today we had a huge flock, of some bird I had never seen before, show up and eat all our old bread. It was a beautiful scene outside my back down that I did not capture on camera, sorry.

Game of Questions

A few months ago Zane made the transition into what I like to call the Why Phase. Anyone who has ever met a three year old knows this phase well. This phase is tons of fun and terribly frustrating all at the same time. It's fun to see them discovering their world, questioning why and how things work, or what things are. All of these questions are very serious to them, from "why is the sky blue" to "why do I need to wear pants?" They legitametly don't know the answers to any of these questions, but a simple answer won't suffice either. "Because you can't go to the store naked" doesn't answer the question at all. One answer leads to another question, then to another question, and so on indefinently. Everyone who has been in one of these epic question sessions knows that it can get frustrating at times.

There are a few ways of dealing with this stage. I have used both in my numerous years of dealing with preschoolers. The first tactic is used when you don't have time to answer the questions of the world. You just need to get the pants on, the teeth brushed, or get out the door. Answer all questions with I don't know or because that is just how it is. Again, will most likely be met with more questions, but stops the constant string some what.
The second tactic is more fun, if you have the time and go into with full expections of a never ending conversation, most of which they will in no way understand. This is where Zach and I are currently. The two best examples came this week. The first took place on the 15 minute car ride from Zane's daycare to our house. Along the route is a miniature gold course, prompting the intial question of "What's that?" I called Zach, about ten layers deep into the why, what, how game. At that point Zach was discussing Scotland in the 1700s where golf orginated. I don't know that Zach was enjoying said conversation, but I found it beyond entertaining. I could just hear Zach's in depth answers and Zane's continual "well.... why?"

My most classic conversation with Zane so far happened a few days ago when Zane randomly brought me the garlic press from the kitchen, armed with the question "what this?" How do you explain a garlic press to anyone, let alone a two year old? It was a winding conversation, with descriptions of garlic, other kitchen tools, random machinery that smashes things, and tutorials on how it works, ending with one of the two plausable endings to this game, "Because God made it that way." Yes, God made the garlic press, don't question it. The other ending of course is the "It was formed that way in the big bang." And then things get all controversial so we end it there. My least favorite question comes after I tell Zane I have to work that day or the next morning. "Why mamma?" Which leads me to think of the long storied history of why I am working and not staying at home with him, but generally just answer with "because mommy is an adult so I have to go to work," and move on.

The third tactic used to deal with this phase is to turn the tables on the two year old. Go all political and answer a question with a question. "Mommy, why my room a mess?" (Yes, this is a normal question in my house.) My answer "Why is your room a mess Zane?" Or "Why poop in my diaper mommy?" "Why do you poop in your diaper not the potty Zane?" There usually get extrememly comical answers like. "I don't know mamma. I too tired to poop on the potty." Or other random, made up answers, if not a cute "I don't know mamma." But the conversations are shorter and less frustrating.

Hopefully soon these conversations begin to stick and he will begin to have a better grasp on the world around him. I know that a lot of the time he actually knows what things are, but can't resist the urge to ask why. There are some days that I think he might actually be listening, soaking up some knowledge, and then there are days where it all really is just a big game of questions, too fun to resist.

Thinking ahead.... or not.

For weeks now I have been trying to mentally prepare myself for all that is about to come. I find that I lack confidence in how to handle the baby phase again, because I have no memories of the last time we went through it. I have recently gotten out Zane's baby book, looked at pictures from the first few months, trying to remember what happens, but the memories aren't there. I remember the photos, but not the time. I hadn't looked at them in a long time, mainly because looking at the pictures makes me sad. I don't let myself got there. They are sad for many reasons, the biggest one being the fact that I don't get to do that moment, with that child, again. I have healed and Zane has healed, but that time is gone. Years from now, when Zane is grown, the fact that I have no memories of that time, will still be heart breaking to me. Looking at those pictures will still be hard, and that is sad.

As I started to look at pictures and read old blog posts, I began to find myself highly stressed out about my upcoming maternity leave. For a long time I have thought that the fear was of something equally as terrible happening again. Rowan being diagnosed with some rare disease or condition at birth, an unexpected death, basically replaying what had happened previously. I have been mulling that concept over for months, and I have come to realization that that isn't the fear. I truly believe that Rowan's little heart has miraculously been formed perfectly and that all will be well. But the sadness and sheer terror comes when I let myself think about how unbelievably sad I was for such a long period of time. After coming out the fog of sadness, you can look back and see just how bad off you were. In the moment I thought I was doing pretty well, all things considered. Looking back on it, I was not. I was heartbroken, upon stressed, upon devastated. And the fear I have now, comes from actually letting myself think about that time. When I think about those months I find that I am unbelievably terrified of ever being that sad or in that dark of a place again. Not just after Rowan is born, I'm terrified of ever being that sad again, ever.

I also have found that I won't let myself envision any sort of maternity leave. I really don't think past the day of him being born. This comes from having such a clear set visions of what maternity leave was going to be like with Zane. We were going to cuddle all day, I was going to scrapbook, and read. We were going to go to Oklahoma for a week, so Zane could meet family and friends at home. I was going to work on loosing the baby weight, have friends over to meet my new baby, and take him out for fun days together before I headed back to work. None, and I do mean none, of that happened on my maternity leave. I mourned the loss of those plans and visions for so long. Now I think if I just leave the space in time blank, I can handle whatever comes. If it is wonderfully relaxing, fantastic. If it is hard, stressful, or sad that is fine too, no loss of plans or disappointment. I think it is a good way to live life. Let whatever is suppose to happen, happen, and be happy with it.

I have a general plan, like Zane will still go to daycare a few days a week. Mostly for his sanity as much as mine, because he will be going stir crazy in this house with a less than energetic mom. He won't stay the whole day, but will get to see his buddies and I will get some rest. Zach will stay home for a week again with us. Mom will come and visit/save my life after Zach goes back to work. I want to get newborn pictures taken in the first few weeks, probably here, so as not to have to leave our house. Anna will come up at some point to save my life again, then Abbey's clan is coming in March over spring break. That's as far as the plan goes and I am ok with that. Oh how time has changed me, for the better.

Ten on Tuesday

1. I feel like I have a lot I want to blog about but time is flying by and then it's Tuesday again. So here are some highlights from our busy life. I seriously am going to try to blog some other things soon.

2. Friday I had a certification class until two thirty so afterwards I got to pick up Zane. We had a mini date, since we never get to go do things, due to the freezing cold. We went to Cold Stone Creamy, got the Gotta Have It ice cream bowl and went to town. Zane ate way more ice cream that I thought he could, or than what was probably appropriate, but he loved it. Then we headed to the park. It had been 60 degrees all day, while I was stuck inside, and by the time we got to the park it was beginning to get cold, but we powered on. He ran off the ice cream and I remembered just how much I miss park time. Here is Zane fixing things at the "shark park."

 3. This weekend was one of only a handful we have left, where I won't be working, and we will both be home. We got a lot done, cleaning, organizing, taking down decorations, and daddy worked on finishing up the basement ceiling. Of course this involved a family trip to Lowe's for supplies. Zane had his tools and hat, at the ready, to help daddy as soon as possible. He wore this get up to Lowe's, fixing his car shopping cart the whole time. Yes, he was wearing his fireman rain boots as well, just in case.

4. Zane has a new routine of getting up between 5:45 and 6:00. He is wide awake, hungry, and ready for cartoons at this point. We have tried, numerous times, to get him to go back to sleep, with no luck. This helped with getting lots done before nap time this weekend, but also meant tired mommy and daddy. Sunday morning Zane and I had this conversation, " Oh no Zane, you and Rowan will never sleep at the same time. It is going to be..." Before I could finish this sentence Zane filled in the blank with "AWESOME???" Ummm... I was thinking terrible, but sure we will go with awesome. 

5. I have begun researching make ahead/freeze ahead meals for maternity leave. I didn't make any of these before Zane, but had a lot made for me while Abbey and Mom were here for Zane's surgery. It was a great help and so nice to have actual food sometimes, when you really don't feel like cooking. I have found quite a few recipes, but am open to other ideas if people have suggestions. I made a ton of enchilada's Sunday night (possibly a larger recipe than I realized at first). Zach made a bunch of breakfast burritos this evening, and I'm hoping my dear mother will help me with this task while she is here with me next week.

6. Yesterday morning was yet another class for work, but it was done early so a friend and I had a mini girls day afterwards, while we waited for our kids to wake up at daycare. I got a mani/pedi, one last pampering before baby, then did lunch. I never know what to do with myself on days without my little man side kick. What did I do all day on my days off before kids??? Who knows... but Zane loves when I get to pick him up early from daycare. We came home, played kitchen, ate snacks, watched cartoons, and got lots of snuggles.

7. The baby prep continues and is going well, I guess. The little bottles are washed and put away, which led to a minor panic attach on my part when I saw them all drying. I guess I forgot just how many bottles it really takes, since all they do at first is eat and sleep. Rowan's new binki's are washed, Zane found them briefly. I might have screamed like he had a knife, freaking out Zach, but all was well. We quickly told him they were for baby and hid them, without incident. The baby swing, chairs, and other containment devices are all down and Zach and I continue to try not to be sad, remembering little, sick, Zane sleeping in the swing because he couldn't breath. We are ready for some happier newborn memories, that is for sure.

8. I worked today and feel like I have been beaten with a baseball bat upon arrival home. I work again tomorrow which should be interesting. I am on my feet a lot and my poor, non existent, abdominal muscles just can't handle it. Everyone at work is very helpful, but I still am ungodly exhausted at the end of the day. My feet might fall off after tomorrow. We shall see. 

9. Zach heads to Arizona Monday  for a week away from home. Luckily mom is coming to stay with me the first three days and then Zach's parents are watching Zane Thursday and Friday while I work. Hopefully we make it through without any major issues. I am more concerned about the second week of February when he is going to be gone and I am going to be here for three days alone.

10. Zane has become quite the song bird as of late. He now randomly starts singing songs and I can now understand what the song is. This is a new development. His current favorite range from "Clementine," which he knows pretty well, to "Never Ever" by Taylor Swift. I do not own this Taylor Swift song it is just on the radio, apparently a lot, and he he randomly will bust out "never ever ever, getting back together," in his precious two year old voice. It is highly entertaining. He can successfully sing along with all his nighttime songs and I feel like I need some new ones in my rotation, but have pregnancy brain, so nothing comes to mind. 

Baby Brother's Blanket

As many of you know I am a self taught crocheter. I taught myself during the 2006 World Series, prior to being quite as avid of Cardinals fan that I am now. I have grown fond of watching the Cardinals every night, well into October, but at the time it was a little much. After that I use to crochet blankets for everyone I knew having a child. I loved the lengthy process, where I would spend hours, working on a little one's blanket, filling it with love and prayers.

After Zane came into my life this process was narrowed down to my nieces and nephews, meaning since Zane's blanket I have made one for Everett, which I barely got done, and now Rowan's. I wish I had the time and energy to do more, but such is life. I started Rowan's very early, because I knew it would take me forever, and it did. A few rows here and there, after weeks of trying to actually get it started, and now it is finally done. I have learned that these blankets are loved a lot, getting stretched out to incredibly long lengths over the years. So Rowan's is starting a bit shorter, but I am sure will grow with him.

When I went to take a picture of the blanket in the crib, Zane thought he would join in the fun, leading to some adorable photos. He got his current favorite baby, Colored bear, to assist in the photo shoot as well.  I got colored bear one Christmas when all of us got teddy bears. Abbey got a white one, Able a brown, and I got the oh so special Colored bear. He use to be brighter, but has been dearly loved over the years. Now Zane uses him as his "baby" or playmate, for ring around the rosy, jumping on beds together, and all sorts of other fun.

After modeling the blanket for me, Zane and Colored bear jumped and played in the bed, like old friends. Too cute!!

 Spinning!!

 Zane and his baby!

The blanket has now been broken in, complete with some big brother snot, I am sure. It is thicker than Zane's, because it's winter, but just as soft. So that's the first, of what I am sure to be, hundreds, of pictures with this little blanket. Can't wait to wrap our little man up it in soon.

Ten on Tuesday

1. This weekend we had Korenak Family Christmas in SEMO. Zane got an easel for painting and drawing, which he is thoroughly enjoying. The whole painting process with Zane stresses me out, but he loves it. We also got an ice creamer maker to make homemade ice cream this summer. It is electric so we don't have to crank it the whole time, so we should be all set. Zane thinks we should make ice cream all the time. He doesn't quite get that it takes a long time to make homemade ice cream, but I know he will love it.

Here are the Korenak Grandkids. They were quite the lively crew this weekend. Things get a little crazy with  five kids under ten, but it's great fun!

 Here is our little family, Merry Christmas!

2. Here is my beautiful little niece Adeline. I love her dearly and she is growing up to be quite the young lady. This is Miss Adeline with her new American Girl doll, whose name escapes me, Kasey maybe. Uncle Zach and I got her these matching outfits, aren't they a sassy pair. She is also a new daisy girl scout this year. Uncle Zach and I gave her some sales tips for her cookie sales. I'm sure she will be tops sales daisy! Thursday is her sixth birthday, so happy early birthday to Miss Adeline Claire.

3. This past Thursday Zane had a play date at the Science Center with my dear friend Amy. She is briefly back from her travels for the holidays and heads out again on Friday. Zane had a great time and really loved Amy's little sisters, even though I am not sure they really knew what he was doing, hugging them all the time. Many thanks to Allie who came with us and was a life saver, hauling Zane around for me all day. Happy travels in Denver Amy, we will miss you!!

Here is Amy, here sisters, and Zane after building the arch.

Amy and Zane trying to find pirate treasure.

4. Today temperatures reached upwards of 50 degrees so Zane and I headed to the back yard for some much needed outdoors time. He played in his sand for the first time in months, we took a "choo choo ride", and spent a lot of time playing fire fighter, a new outdoor activity. He put out tons of fires and had a great time! Oh how I miss warm weather.

Apple snack time outside, our favorite!

 All Aboard! 

 Fireman Sam, to the rescue!!!!!

5. Zane now randomly goes poops on the potty from time to time. There is no rhyme or reason to when he decides to do this, but he generally asks to do it and then enjoys candy afterwards. He never pees on the potty and has no idea when his diaper is wet. I really have no hopes of potty training success anytime soon, but we will take any fewer poopy diapers possible.

6. As you all know Zane thoroughly enjoys his iPad time. As of late I had been noticing that his iPad time was pretty much consisting of him watching cartoons. So I researched some new apps that I thought might be a little bit more educational, but still entertaining to him.  Zane's new favorite app is Earth School, which takes you from the big bang to dinosaurs. He now knows what a meteorite looks like, can recognize Saturn, and goes through this whole cycle numerous times. His other favorites include Farm School which mainly is identifying farm animals, which you can't go wrong with. And Bugs and Bunnies that is all about the environment. He recycles, composts, collects fireflies, and frees random animals, who are in jail, by matching things. It all sounds random, but I feel better about iPad time now.

7. I guess I should do a pregnancy update. Here it is... I am 32 weeks pregnant, I am getting larger, the number of clothes that fit are decreasing, and we are approaching the fine line where the adorable baby movements tip over from adorable to painful. Rowan is a my little night owl. We spend lots of quality time awake at night, to prepare us for our future together, I guess. Time continues to fly by and it seems our to do list isn't getting any shorter. This weekend we have a lot of lofty goals of things to try to accomplish, wish us luck.

8. One of our lofty goals is taking down the Christmas decorations. Zane is going to be devastated. There are still some Christmas decorations up around the neighborhood, which leads to conversations in the car about how not only is it not Halloween yet, it is no long Christmas time either. The poor boy is now thoroughly confused. The best we could come up with is that it is Winter Time, but nothing fun happens during Winter Time. Hmmm.... I guess Valentines day is going to have to be a bigger deal this year.

9.  Work is going to be crazy between now and when this baby is born. I have to get all my re-certifications and random classes done before leaving so nothing lapses while I am gone. This means that I am basically going to be working four days a week from here on out. Not all of those days will be 12 hr days, but at least three of them will be, I'm exhausted just thinking about it. On the one day off I have each week I will be going to doctor appointments. All I want to do is play with Zane, but I have no time. Oh did I mention Zach is going to be gone for a week, two different times, between now and the end of February... TERRIFIED.

10. Lastly, check out Zane's new "tiger ears" as he calls them. They are tiger headphones that we got to go with the DVD player Grandma Blakley got us for Christmas. We had hoped that they would arrive prior to our trip to SEMO, but they were waiting on our porch when we got home, instead. We have no road trips in our near future so Zane is now using them to listen to his music on the iPad. He was entertained by these for a long time today and they are oh so cute!

Ten on Tuesday 2013

1. Happy New Year everyone, welcome to 2013. It isn't as fun to say as 2013, but I guess we will get use to it soon. Per my usual New Years Eve routine, I went to bed at 9:30pm, because I had to work today. Then I was awoken, quiet suddenly, at midnight, by the downtown St. Louis firework show. Have you ever been woken up by fireworks? If not, let me tell you what the experience is like. It is like waking up in a war zone, sure you are under attach. This is how I have rung in the new year for about the past three years. I quickly realize what is happening, roll over, wish Zach a happy new year, then go back to bed. I did get my regrets burned in the fireplace and drank some sparkling grape juice from our Waterford Chrystal champagne flutes. The only thing missing was the Rold Gold Pretzels, a la Dad.

2. It is officially winter time, complete with lots of snowy, gloomy days. We have desperately been missing the zoo and parks over the past weeks as it  has gotten too cold to venture outside. Lots of running around in the basement, but it just isn't the same. Here is Zane, having lost his mind, after numerous boring days at home in a row. He is wearing an extra pair of sunglasses that have some how made their way to the basement, his fireman hat, and hugging a stuffed snake. Classic!

3. In an attempt to let Zane run off some of his energy, I braved the Magic House, alone, on the 27th. It was an absolute mad house, per usual. Going alone, with a two year old, while pregnant, probably wasn't smart, but he had a good time. He got to see his babies and fix his car. Yesterday we went back with Michelle and Jamey. We found a whole new area we have never been to before with an Indian village, complete with t-pees, tents, a bon fire, and a canoe. Zane was pretty worried about the other kids touching the fake bon fire, because "it hot, don't touch it," but other than that it was a great time.

Here is Zane with his precious babies. They are always first on his request list at the Magic House.

 President Korenak in the oval office, taking care of business.

Here is Zane in the canoe with lots of fish!

4. Yesterday afternoon we bundled up and headed out to play in the, very wet, snow. It had snowed all day, but only a dusting stuck. Just enough to throw some snow balls and stomp around. His new fireman rain boots worked perfectly, but he still got cold after about five minutes, then we were back to trying to find funtivities in the house. Here is Zane playing in the snow.

 He was very proud of the snow balls he managed to make out of very little snow.

 Mid snow ball throw, nice!

5. It has been another difficult week at work, with terribly sad patients. For all that I complain about my work, I am eternally grateful for all that I have seen, both sad and miraculous. You can hear tons of stories of sick kids and terrible situation, but looking into the eyes of a parent, who knows their child isn't going to make it, completely has changed the way I parent and the way I live my life. It is terribly difficult to deal with at times, but it forces me to live in each moment. I know how quickly things can change and no one is promised a long life. Moral of the story, count your blessings!

6. While I have been at work over the weekend and today, Zane and Zach have been nesting around the house. Good thing because I have yet to get into nesting mode. The crib is back to baby mode, the new curtains are hung, the cradle is put together, and all the baby stuff from the attic has been brought down and unwrapped. I am trying to find something to put in Rowan's room that is just for him, but am uninspired. We made things for Zane's room at my baby shower, but I don't know what to make for his, vaguely bug themed, nursery, ideas?

7. At work today someone asked when I was due, to which I said "the end of February." Their response was "oh my, next month." Then I had a minor panic attack. Next month seems unbelievably soon. I guess we are ready, but still no one is ever really ready to give birth again. Rowan is getting big and moving around a lot these days. I continually am thinking calming thoughts towards this child, but he still seems pretty crazy.

8. Zane has been having a lot more night terrors as of late and I can't figure out why. He got a light up moon from Grandma for Christmas, which he loved for about a week, then he had a night terror and was all of a sudden scared of the moon. We didn't use it for a few days, then introduced it again as the "happy moon," read Good Night Moon, then had Molly "jump" over it this evening. I think we are back to being able to use it, but hate to think of my little boy having nightmares about moons.

9. Zane is still thoroughly engrossed with Christmas. He made us bring the stocking back upstairs and hang them by the fireplace, just in case Santa comes back to our house. Luckily for Zane we are headed to SEMO this weekend for one final Christmas celebration. Then we are going to have to break the news to him that Santa isn't coming back for basically half his life time. The poor guy is going to be heart broken.

10. With all my negative thoughts about winter in this post, lets end on a positive note. I am loving my new car, with remote start and heated seats. We had heated seats when we had the Passat early in our marriage, but that wasn't my car so I couldn't really enjoy it. I have enjoyed my cozy rides to work and so far haven't had to scrape ice/frost/snow off my windshield. These are the moments I think, "man I really don't need this, but boy is it nice." There, always good to end on a positive note!

Happy New Year to everyone, may the year be full of many blessings for you and your family!