Ten on Tuesday

1. The boys have been doing a lot of big brother practice as of late. Rowan is nesting and forcing me to get ready for this baby. Everyday he gently reminds me we should be going through the boxes of baby things or trying to find bottles for brother. Thanks to Rowan's encouragement Thatcher's room is all pulled together, baby clothes are found and in the drawer, bottles are washed and put away, and we have binkies with clips (Friday we made a special trip to the store due to Rowan's concern about our lack of binkies.) He's taking this big brother thing very seriously.

This is what I came home to after the baby shower on Sunday!

 2. Last week both boys ended up with strep. Zane got it first over last weekend, followed closely by Rowan on Tuesday, who swore he was NOT sick, but his Strep B swab said differently. Of course he had to stay home from school the one day this week I worked, somehow my kids always manage to do that. I think Wednesday was Zach's first day home with just Rowan. A day with Rowan is very laid back, especially when Rowan is sick!! Day's later Rowan was still embracing his "illness" so he could watch The Lorax on repeat all day, lazy bones!!

 3. Here is Zane once he was on the mend and headed back to school last Tuesday. For some reason in this picture Zane looks much older, bigger, and more mature. He is so tall, up to my armpit, and just seems like a much more mature kiddo these days. He's doing amazing in school and we got a glowing review this evening at his student led parent teacher conference. This seemed much more impressive after the kid before us walked out in tears. He's excelling in reading and is currently rocking his daily timed math tests (yes that apparently happens in kindergarten now, along with ADJECTIVES, WHAT???)

 4. Friday was open house at Zane's school. I'm still not really sure what the point of this was, but we went and looked around the school, saw all his artwork that was on display, and play Dr. Sues games in his classroom. Art is his favorite special and judging by all the artwork on display she's pretty fantastic at her job. Sadly we couldn't find Mrs. Austin to compliment her in person.

 5. Rowan and I had the pleasure of getting baby Alice her first set of princess bandaids. Alice is getting so big and Rowan still adores her. He was very concerned when she was playing in her gym and making baby noises. He was confident she was sad and needed me to cuddle her ASAP. We also took her a St. Patrick's Day outfit for her first St. Patrick's Day, which Rowan obviously wanted to have her wear as soon as possible.

 Look at this smiley face!!! So cute!!

 6. I am finally done with Thatcher's blanket! It took forever and finishing it was sort of bitter sweet, knowing there would be no more babies of mine to make blanket's for. I love how it turned out and can't wait for baby Thatch to being cuddling it!

7. Sunday was my little Baby Shower Brunch! It was small and just included people who I truly enjoy. I didn't need a lot of things, but it was nice to celebrate little Thatcher and get the few things I still needed. Huge thanks to Kari, Abbey, and Anna for planning everything and showering Thatcher and I with so much love!

These are two of my work friends who made this amazing diaper cake for me, it's almost too cute to use. And the bottom is a hat box which is now full of baby boy hats!

All the Blakley ladies were there, except Grandma B who is still living it up in Hawaii. It was Alice's first shower and she wore the little dress Rowan picked out for her months ago.

8. I have now gotten to every week Dr. appointments for baby. I went today, all is well, things are progressing, and I continue to have tons of extremely painful contractions, everyday. Contractions seem to be much worse with this baby, third time is so much harder and so much more painful. My doctor doesn't seem too worried about it since I'm practically term, but said she could write me a note to work 8hr shifts if I wanted to. I don't know what I'm going to, trying to hold on a few more weeks.

9. Next week is Zane's spring break, starting Friday actually, and per tradition Zach will be going out of town for three days at the beginning of the week. Somehow with every pregnancy a business trip pops up with I'm weeks, possibly days from delivery. I hear mom should be back from Hawaii by then so hopefully someone can get me to the hospital if I have this baby while Zach's gone.

10. Next week is also St. Patrick's Day and Zane has learned all sorts of things about Leprechauns at school. His classroom apparently has a very mischievous Leprechaun in it this week so he came home today and demanded we make a leprechaun trap for our house. Zane said and I quote "I told Mrs. Laurick she had a choice, let a leprechaun mess her classroom or build a trap!!!" Apparently Mrs. Laurick made a bad choice, but Zane wasn't going to let our house be vandalized by an elf. Rowan and Zane spent lots of time working on it this evening, filled the trap with a little bowl of jelly beans, and left a trail of gold coins leading to it. I think it should work smashingly! Funny boys!

Ten on Wednesday

1. Here's my fancy man, he was my buddy when we went to watch BW Swim at the state meet. He told me "Mom when I see myself, I just say FANCY!" Oh so true!!!! Love this kids spirit. Congrats to BW on making it onto the twelve and under State Relays for his swim team. It was the first time I've seen him swim this year and he's greatly improved. I watched him Friday and Saturday. Friday evening he chit chatted with me for a long time afterwards about all sorts of things, which I adored. He's growing up, too fast, into a great young man.

 2. Hard to believe this was Saturday morning, when Zane apparently had Strep throat, but was flying kites in the backyard. I didn't initiate this activity, honestly I have no idea where they found their kites from Easter last year, or how they got them put together. They did it all by themselves and got them flying pretty well on a day without much wind, there was lots of running in circles and luckily we have a huge yard to do it in. The huge power lines are behind our fence and their kites never got up over maybe 4 feet off the ground, so everyone who is freaking out about them I promise they were being safe.



 3. This weekend we finally set up baby Thatcher's crib. We put it off a week to make sure Rowan and Zane could figure out how to actually SLEEP in the same room. After threats ranging from skinny jeans to burning the bunk beds down, they are now sleeping well with little to no playing in the evening. So Thatcher gets the crib. The boys helped clean years of dried milk off of it and got it spic and span for little Thatchy.

 This picture is too much cuteness for me. Rowan was pretending to talk to baby brother and spent most of the day "checking" on him. He's going to be such a good brother.

 4. Here is the wall set up for Thatcher's room, which I adore. It's a miss mash of things from the boys nurseries and a trip to hob lob. The tee pee birdhouse at the bottom right is going to be a nightlight and it's going to be so cute and perfect for our sure to be very adventurous little guy. Rowan has been keeping me motivated to find and unpack baby stuff for Thatcher all week. I think all the boxes are finally down from the attic, there are clothes in the drawers, toys in baskets, burp clothes, blankets, hats, and tiny socks and shoes ready for our little man. I do need some changing pad covers, I threw all the old ones out after Rowan was out of diapers, and some new crib sheets and possibly some diapers at some point, but all and all we are ready for little man. I am down to work my two days a week farther apart in hopes of not going into labor. I'm 35 weeks today so I need to hold on a few more weeks before Mr. Thatcher makes his grand entrance.

5. This was Saturday morning cuddles. For the first part of the day I thought Zane might be growing up, not being able to get out of bed, wanting to laz around, like a teenager. I should have known better, he was just sick, he'll never not be running around.



6. Rowan spent his birthday money at the Dollar Tree on Friday afternoon, after being devastated that no one was coming to visit us. He bought some bases to play baseball with, I thought in our big backyard. False! He set up a nice little field on our very tiny porch. Silly boy!

7. Yesterday Zane was home "sick" since he hadn't been on antibiotics for 24 hours. You can see how bad he felt since we went on an epic nature walk and found this little stick house in the woods by our house. It was partially built and then we added to it a little while we were there. We did some bird watching and even found some goose feathers while we were out and about.

 8. I have lost count of how many teeth this kid as lost, but he currently has a really pathetic smile with one big grown up tooth and not much else there right now. His most recent tooth was lost Saturday night and in good news the tooth fairy found our house.

 9. Also during our sick day we made the first fort in the new house. The boys enjoyed it as always and Rowan got caught up on another Disney movie he's missed out on, Robin Hood. A classic!

 10. Work on unpacking and pulling the house together is coming along slowly. This week I got a few pictures up on the bookcase and successfully emptied a few more boxes from the office. All the essentials are out now we're down to stuff that needs to be hung up or things I could probably get rid of. Yesterday, during our full of day of playing school we set up an art wall in the "art class" area. I love it. Zane recently came home with lots of master pieces from his actual art class, his favorite special, all of which I felt needed to be properly displayed. That' way they range from fall leaves to Abraham Lincoln.

Finally I want to wish a very Happy Birthday to my big sister! I hope you had a great day on the fourth grade field trip!!! I can't imagine a better way to spend your bday! Love you!!!



Tales of a TET Baby: Wise Words From My Heart Warrior

Today is my least favorite day of the year. It's Zane's cardiology appointment day. In good news currently it is seriously just one day a year where the realities of his condition and all that lies ahead have to be discussed. In even better news, after years of making this day a "special day" for Zane, the idea has stuck and it has become his favorite day of the year. He's been asking me when his heart doctor day is for months. Frankly I would have forgotten to make the appointment if it wasn't for his pure excitement about it.

This joy about heart doctor day is in no way an accident. For the past five years the day he went to the cardiologist was a full day of Zane and Mommy fun, after the minor detail of getting and EKG and echo in the morning, and causing his mother and father's PTSD to flair up. In St. Louis Zane and I usually spent the afternoon with friends going across the street to the zoo to see the penguins or to the Science Center to explore. Here the tradition for the past three years has been breakfast in the morning at Panera Bread (which is across the street from his doctor) and the actual doctor's appointment with Dad. This was followed by picking something out at the Toy Store for being so good (a hold over from the days of having to hard bribe him to sit remotely still during the echo portion of the doctor's appointment), lunch with me and whoever else we could get to join us, and a movie in the afternoon, all without Rowan. So still a big day of fun! It was a lot of work, mainly to get him to behave and not freak completely out with all the tests, but also a great day to celebrate his little life and help him to not be scared or dread going to the doctor. All the hard work has paid off!

This year he's in school so I made the earliest appointment with plans of getting him to school as soon as possible afterwards. For days he's been anxiously counting down until heart doctor day. When he got strep over the weekend I got very concerned we might have to reschedule for him or I being sick, which would have been devastating, thank God all was well today and we could all go. Yesterday, while home sick from school, he asked what the schedule of events for today was. So I said, "Oh we're just going to the doctor really quick then taking you back to school." Boy was I put in my place fast, "Mom, my heart doctor day is special, remember??? First we go to breakfast AS A FAMILY, at the white mac and cheese place across the street from the doctor (Panera Bread). Then I get an arm hug (blood pressure), the Christmas tree stickers (EKG), and  the magic wand (Echo). Then the doctor talks to us and then you and I go to the Toy Store to get a toy for how good I have been. Remember!!!! I use to get to go to the movies, but now I have to go to school." What an amazing memory you have  my son.

We were up early today for our eight a.m. appointment so we could have breakfast, as a family, before his doctor's appointment. This year was the first year that Rowan got to come as well. Zane was very excited to show him all the things he gets to do for his heart. I've loved listening to his explanations of what actually was/is wrong with his heart and how it was fixed. Rowan was wide eyed most of the time, watching very carefully has people put stickers and goo on his brother's chest. Zane reassured him that nothing was hurting him and that he was fine. Rowan also made sure everyone was aware that he too was a big brother, so not little anymore.

As for the appointment it was the first year there has been any slight variation in what the doctor has told us, either here or in St. Louis, about where we are with his condition. Usually they ask the hilarious questions about his energy level, "is he able to keep up with the other kids, does he complain of fatigue or chest pain" all that good stuff. Which is always met with lots of chuckles from Zach and I. Then they tell us that nothing really has changed, to not restrict his activity, and remind us, again (as though there is ANYWAY we could possibly forget) that he will eventually need a valve replacement. Up until today the doctors usually said "when he is a teenager" he'll need a valve replacement. Today the doctor talked about the need for further testing, specifically an MRI, to get a more accurate measurement of his heart, specifically his right ventricle which is what has to work harder since his pulmonary artery valve doesn't work at all. I knew this was how they got more accurate size measurements of the heart, I'm not sure I knew that he would have multiple MRIs. I always thought he would just need one prior to his surgery. However, today the doctor explained he would need one at some point over the next year, to set a baseline measurement of where we are at currently with his heart size, then he would need them periodically for the next few years, and the kicker "but he will probably need a valve replacement sometime BEFORE he is a teenager."

So yeah this is the first change in care routine we've had since going to one year appointments post operatively. It's not a huge deal right now, obviously none of it can be surprising to us, since we have known since the day of his surgery that another surgery was in our future. I did ask if him being huge for his age (both in weight and height) would cause him to need a valve sooner. The doctor didn't seem to think so, more just a matter of time, and how hard the heart has to work. Which to me the bigger you are the harder your heart has to work, so it only makes sense that him weighing seventy six pounds at six years old would speed things up, but who knows. As always the doctor reinforced that there is no need to restrict his activity now and that they will want to replace that valve before he has any symptoms from the right ventricle getting larger. So we won't see any changes in Zane before we're told it's time for surgery.

This news set me back on my heels just a bit. Again, I can't say I'm surprised, I know how this will play out. But an MRI is a bigger deal in children, they have to be sedated for it, which some kids react terribly too, some kids aren't bothered by it at all, but it's another step that can be quite frightening to a child. It is just a sign, and a wake up call, that the surgery is probably much closer than we've been telling ourselves for years. Picturing a sixteen year old boy getting open heart surgery is slightly different than say a ten or eleven year old. With this shortened time frame the possibilities of the valve replacement being able to be done in the cardiac cath lab, verses by an open heart procedure, are also highly decrease.

After the appointment I told Zane we could run into target and get him a Lego set, because I'm mother of the year and why not. On the way there I was teary eyed, thinking about all that lies ahead, dreading all he'll have to go through, and frankly being terrified of the possibility of loosing my sweet boy. Zane asked what was wrong and I, very honestly, told him I was sad that he's going to have to have another surgery someday, and I'm scared about it. His response sums up why I love Zane so much and again truly put me in my place. "Mom, you gotta just move on with your life. I'm not having surgery today. I'm fine, it will be fine, just move on with your life!" That was just the jarring words of wisdom I needed, provided to me by the six year old, who will have to live through all that I dread. And yet another AMAZING reason why I do not work with adults. Kids live today. They enjoy today or they are miserable and in pain today. But it literally just today. That's their only line of sight. They don't think five or ten years in the future because that's as long or longer than they've been alive. They deal with what they are handed in that exact moment, good or bad, with all of their hearts. They live their lives, with no worry about what's to come.

So I am trying to live right now and enjoy right now and not spend the next how ever many years in a constant state of fear, worry, and sadness. Definitely living in the moment, trying to soak up every instant with my children because tomorrow isn't promised for any of us. I am trying to let myself be ok with that and not just feel like I'm in a horrible state of denial all the time. I am really not, I do not deny what is going to happen and what all we're going to have to go through, I just can't live there and dwell in it. I have to move on with my life, as my wise heart warrior suggested!! I love him so much and have no idea how I got so incredibly blessed to be chosen as his mommy!

Oh So Loved and A Little Nervous!

One thing that I always hear from people, when they learn that I am a boy mom, is "boys will always love their Mama." I hope this is true, but this statement usually makes me cringe at the thought of having three teenage boys and how much they won't be loving me during those years. I fear the days ahead with a house full of stinky boys who want NOTHING to do with me. However, in good news those years are still pretty far away so I'm trying to savor all the amazing days filled of little boy cuddles right now.

Yesterday was a day when no one could get enough Mommy cuddles. This was mostly due to the fact that Zane was under the weather. He's been fighting a allergies/cough for a week or so, with on and off headaches. A headache is Zane's only symptom for EVERYTHING that might be wrong with him, but yesterday he also spiked a fever and stopped moving which are his other two big tells. I had taken him to his pediatrician last Friday after he came home from school with a headache. All his swabs were negative and his ears looked great. The doctor looked at me like I was idiot, and we head home. This morning, while I was at work, the boys spent almost three hours at the weekend clinic ($$$) and found out he now has strep and ear infections. Not good for poor Zane or his pregnant Mamma who might legit die/have a baby if I get strep.

No one ever wants to see their baby sick, but the only time I really get to cuddle my huge, seventy five pound, six year old is when he's sick. Rowan cuddles me when Zane is at school, but usually when Zane's home they are off playing together and I'm mostly ignored. However, when Zane was sick and not wanting to play, of course Rowan then needed more cuddles as well. Baby Thatcher also helped get me some attention, since both boys need to cuddle and talk to their baby brother all the time. Often forgetting to talk to or cuddle me in the process, just check in with Thatcher.

This led to a day of everyone adoring Mommy and needing lots and lots of my attention yesterday. We watched The Lion King, after it became clear that Rowan didn't know any of the songs and I don't think had ever watched it (mom fail, and not acceptable). We took long naps, then back to the couch for more pats and cuddles!! Sadly in the evening I had to go watch B in the State Championship swim meet. Rowan wanted to come, which left Zane home sick with Daddy (who, I reminded them frequently yesterday, loves them as much as I do, but they weren't believing it.) Zane was devastated and cried big puppy dog tears when I left (Mom I just miss you sooo much!). Be still my heart.

Once I returned, back to the couch I went with a boy under each arm, and lots of pats all around. As I sat there surrounded by my sweet boys, all I could think was, "where will I put the other boy?" Neither big boy seemed excited about scooting over or making room for baby brother in between us yesterday. Which then led me to the bigger fear that my sweet, loving, oh say happy boys will loose their minds once baby brother arrives and the wonderful equilibrium we've finally reached at our house will be shattered. I tell myself they will get tired of baby brother really quickly, since babies are in reality very boring, and then just go play with each other. There is a possibility of this happening, but probably a greater possibility of little Rowan melting into a pile of emotions when he can't be the center of my attention, 100% of the time. Or they will both melt into a puddle of emotions, and God knows I'll be a puddle of emotions, then we'll be in a mell of a hess, as they say.

It took us so long to get to the place that everyone is somewhat pulled together. Everyone is happy, potty trained, not having huge meltdowns everyday, getting along with each other, sleeping well, and borderline normal human beings. You can't help but cringe at the thought of exploding all that, yet again. I'm proud of what wonderful little people they have become. They are polite and kind, make friends easily, and are my constant helpers. They have learned to play together well, without killing each other. They can take care of themselves, for the most part, so now I just get to shower them with love and attention, not constantly  have to help keep them alive, it's just lovely!

 They are both old enough to understand what's happening, and have each other, so theoretically they should handle everything well. However, Zach and I are older now too, and are sure not handle sleep deprivation nearly as well as we did almost seven years ago. And we've never had to manage three children, which is sure to be different and challenging in it's own way. So lots of prayers for a calm little man, who miraculously is a great sleeper. And of course prayers for my sweet boys, that I'm not ruining their happy little lives, where they can currently, for a few more weeks at least, cuddle their mommy until their little hearts content.

Rowan's 4th Birthday Week: These Are a Few Of Your Favorite Things

1. Unequivocally SKINNY JEANS! I am not exactly sure when this obsession started, I think last fall when the skinny  jeans were the only kind of pants that would stay up, but somewhere in there he became OBESSED with them. I tried to fight it, but eventually got tired of washing his one pair of jeans every single day and bought him a couple more pair, then Santa brought some, so now he's all skinny jeans, all the time. The biggest punishment in Rowan's life currently is the loss of skinny jean privileges. He then tries to wear his tight pjs all day or might settle for his skinny slacks if he absolutely has to leave the house. It's so random, so funny, and his tiny little legs are so cute.

2. Closely followed by everything else fancy. This includes fancy shirts, hats, ties, bow ties, suit coats, you name it. He got three new pearl snaps for his birthday, which are really fancy, and he rarely wears any shirts that aren't button up or his fancy sweaters. He does have normal tshirts, but only wears them under protest. He request new fancy ties for his birthday and tries to wear the 24 month suit coat from his closet a lot. I'm thinking he'll probably need a new suit for Easter this year.

3. Big boy bike: Santa brought him this "big boy bike" (which in reality is the tiniest thing ever) for Christmas and he loves it. There are obviously still training wheels on it but he can go much faster on it than on his previous tricycle. Sometimes this involves falling off and scraping his face up, but he doesn't seem to mind. The new neighborhood is great for bike riding, there is cult sac and we are very close to the lake which has a bike trail all the way around it.

4. All things cowboy: He loves to ride horses, play cowboy, dress up as a cowboy, and of course rocks his cowboy boots ever day with his fancy clothes. He got lots of cowboy stuff for his birthday which helps with this obsession.

5. Building/working: Rowan "goes to work" pretty much everyday. Over the course of the year he's gone from being a straight "worker guy" to thinking he owned workers (leading to long conversations about how you can't own people), to now having worker guys that work for him, legally! He is in charge coordinating multiple imaginary building project around the house and in the yard. He does often jump in and help build or work, but is always very clear that he's the boss and is in charge of the worker guys (just like Daddy). His tool set is large and he uses most all of his tools everyday. The kid has a great work ethic, I'll give you that.

6. Studying: This is a new phenomenon and his hysterical. He loves to sit and look at/highlight in Zach's old electrical Engineering books. He highlights letters he knows, sometimes, but often he just randomly flips through pages, "studying." He's very serious about it and does this pretty much everyday.

7. Lightening McQueen: Rowan rediscovered this movie shortly before Christmas and now requests to watch some of it everyday. He got a lot of the cars for Christmas and now has almost all the main characters. He sets them up and drives them around all the time, never mixing them with his common Hotwheels. These are bigger and more special. My favorite part of this being one of his favorite things is when he says "Peed, I am Peed!" as in speed, I am Speed, without the S, hysterical.

8. Hotwheels: This started from Hotwheels being a very cheep thing I could get him when we were out shopping, truthfully has bribe most of the time. Then he started collecting them in earnest, got his Hotwheels suitcase and the rest is history. Everett also has lots of Hotwheels and they exchange them frequently when they are at each other's houses. Ro loves organize them, race with them, carry them around all day, and now play with his new race track thanks to the Richard's clan. At any given time I have at least three to six Hotwheel in my purse at anytime. Classic boy mom problem.

9. Legos: As of late Rowan has started to really enjoying building with little Legos and has even mastered a few Lego Junior kits by himself. He definitely has the patience and fine motor skills for it. Of course the fact that Zane will do it with him makes it that much better.

10. Puzzles: Unlike his big brother, Rowan has the patience to sit and do a puzzle over and over. He's good at them and enjoys doing the same puzzle multiple times. I love his focus and appreciate that he really just needs one puzzle to keep him entertained.

11.Lastly, but not least, any and everything you can do with your big brother. Playing with Zane is Rowan's greatest joy. They go on all sorts of adventures together and remain best friend and constant playmates. I love watching them work/play together.

Bonus: He also really loves to cuddle him Mamma!