Miracle of Miracles

As most of you know my little Rowan isn't a cuddlier. He is pretty fond of sleep, but can do without the singing, rocking, cuddling time before hand. At night time and nap time, as soon as I sit down in the rocking chair to try to cuddle him, he points to his bed "Ah dat" loosely translated as "I want that." So I get a few pats and kisses on his sweet head on the way to his crib. He then cuddles his blanket and goes to sleep like a huge big boy, all by himself, no problem. This isn't the case if he wakes up during the night, he fights going back to sleep hard, but still doesn't want to be cuddled. So think long stretches of screaming in his crib, torturous for all, but again he does not want to be cuddled.

This evening, do to some confusion about what time we got home from the spice shop and how long it would take to cook the pork tenderloin, dinner was ready by four thirty. This is a solid hour to an hour an a half before we usually would eat. So the evening felt extremely long and both boys were confused about why they weren't having to go to sleep sooner. Rowan had missed his afternoon nap time, this happens and he does fine with it, but was extremely sleepy, stumbling in circles, by six. We powered through with extra long bath time, lots of books and puzzles, and kept Rowan up until seven thirty. We went to do bedtime routine as described above but he immediately was screaming bloody murder so I let him out to play until real bedtime.

I think the actual issue of the evening was that he had gotten over tired because after I showered and had gotten Zane to bed I still heard whimpering coming from his room. I took milk in there, hoping and praying that he would just let me cuddle him. Miracle of miracles, after a new diaper, a dose of ibuprofen, and only a small battle he let me sing to him. It was so wonderful. I sat very still, letting his little head rest on my shoulder, wrapping him in his beloved blanket. I laid my  head on his soft baby hair, soaking up the smell of my little boy, trying to remember it forever. I felt his little toes wiggling on my elbows, and his little hands occasionally patting my shoulder. I patted his chubby baby legs and his tiny bottom as I sang every song in my lullaby arsenal. He sat up a few times and looked at me with sleepy eyes and a tired smile, then laid his head back down on my shoulder.

The time that kids are baby babies, who are willing to lay their head on your shoulder, and let you sing them to sleep is my favorite time. For Zane this time lasted until Rowan was born, shoot he would probably still let me cradle him like a baby and sing him songs if I'd let him. But for Rowan he only would cuddle as a means to get his night time bottle, even that he wasn't a huge fan of, but realized it was a necessity. I wasn't prepared for the singing and the cuddling to be over at a year. I thought I had a solid two and half years of little boy cuddles, with his little blonde head sleeping on my shoulder. So I did not take this night for granted. I count it as a huge blessing. I know full well that it might not come again and it breaks my heart. I wish I could freeze time for just a moment, keep my boys just as they are, just this age. I know that isn't a possibility so I try to capture moments like this, take a mental video to of it that can be played back when they are grown. And I will kept hoping, and praying, for nights like this to come around soon. Sweet dreams baby boy!