Dec. 19: Healing

December 19 – Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)


Healing hmmm... this is an interesting question. I don't want to say that I haven't healed at all this year, because I know that on some level I have, but when looking at the year as a whole I feel like I was broken more than healed.

I do feel that the heartbreak, both Zane's and my own, is starting heal now that the surgery is over and Zane's recovery has gone so well. It was a rough chapter in our life and one that will never fuller be over, since Zane will always have a heart condition, need frequent check ups, and at some point will need another surgery in the future. However, for now the worst is behind us and we can move forward and count our blessings that we live some where that his heart could be "easily" fixed and he can go about leading a normal life.

I know the healing process has begun for my broken heart at the loss of my father, however it is no where near over. Daily something will hit me and I will cry at the thought of what I miss about him. It is a heartache like none I have experienced before. I have no idea how to go about healing it. For now I live one day at a time. I treasure the joys of my life, my wonderful baby, husband, family, and friends. I try to live each day in a way that would make my father proud. Part of my healing is forgiving myself for the things that I regret doing/not doing as far as my father is concerned. I haven't gotten completely to that point, but I am working towards it. I don't know how you get past such a large loss. I think there will always be something missing in my heart, but I know it will get better. I am not trying to rush healing. I am trying to mourn, remember, and in time I am sure things will get easier. I wish there was some sort of play book of how to heal from this loss but sadly we all have to deal with it the best we can. Next year I pray that I continue to heal and continue to find a way to be happy, that was all dad ever wanted for his family. I pray for happiness for all of us in the year ahead.