Birthday Week: You are my sunshine

Some days I think ( irrationally) that I wish I would have had kids earlier so my father could have known them a little longer and they might possibly have memories of him. On my more rational days I think God really knew what He was doing, sending us the precious gift of the happiest, sweetest baby boy right when He knew I was going to need a ray of sunshine in my life.

All throughout this year I have sung "You are my sunshine" to Zane. It started because it is a simple song to sing. One that always popped into my head when I would look at Zane's smiling face, often through teary eyes. The words of that simple childhood song sum up my feelings about my little happy thought.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

you make me happy when skies are gray

you never know dear how much I love you

please don't take my sunshine away. 

Zane has been my ever present happy thought through out this difficult year. He has taught me how to smile in the face of great adversity and unbearable heart break. He has a shiny spirit that is infectious to those around him, serving as a happy thought for everyone he meets. On days when I was reeling from grief, I always had his bright eyed smiled to pull me out of the darkness and into the light. To continually remind me of the promise of better days ahead, of new life, and of the innocent joy of a child. I know it sounds cliche, but I don't know where I would be without the sunshine of my life, Zane, the meaning of whose name is so fitting, 'a precious gift from God.'