A year of parenthood

When I got married I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. My life long dream of being a doctor had been crushed and I had no ideas of what else I could do. Everyone would ask me, "well what else did you want to do besides being a doctor." After months of thought on this question, I didn't land on an idea for a career, I landed on the idea that the only other thing I had ever wanted to do, besides being a doctor, was being a mother. Of course I took this to mean that I should just have kids and be a stay at home mom, though we were obviously not in any position for me to do that at the time. Believe me I tried to convince Zach that we should just have a kid and let the chips fall where they may, but being the responsible, rational one, he assured me that when the time was right, and just as soon as we could afford it, we would have a baby.

Four years later the time seemed perfect and we welcomed our little man into our lives. I had some vague ideas of what I thought parenthood would be like. All those ideas where thrown out the window once I was actually a mother. Things were not as I had planned and I quickly learned the first lesson of parenthood which is things won't always work out as you had planned so you must be flexible. Whether that it life throwing you unexpected challenges or your son getting a stomach bug the night before you are suppose to be flying home. You can try to plan your day or your life, but be prepared for unexpected changes.

The other lesson that I have recently learned after this difficult year is the value, and importance, of being present in every moment. This is something I did not do well over the past year, but it is a goal I have for the future. To try not to mourn the past or stress about the days ahead, but to stay present with those you love, now. With a baby this entails staying present in the phase they are in at that point. The phases change so quickly, if you spend time hoping the next one will come soon or missing the last one, you will completely miss what they are doing now.

This year I have learned many things about not only parenthood, but life in general, not all of them are profound, or even really that important, but I thought I would jot some down here for fun.

-All sippy cups leak. This infuriates me and I think Zach should engineer a truly no leak sippy cup, then I could afford to be a stay at home mom.

-When it rains it pours. For example, if your child just had a blow out diaper, prepare yourself because he will probably be throwing up on you soon. Or if one person is sick, every body is sick. You just have to keep on keeping on.

-You can never stop doing laundry. If you get a few days behind on laundry you will drowned in the next time you get around to doing it and all of your kids clothes will have stains on them.

-Be gentle and patient with not only your child but yourself. I had to learn that I can't let the mommy guilt of all that I missed while at work ruin the time that I have with Zane when I am home. I will never enjoy the thought of my child at daycare, but I have to let that go, knowing it is what is best for him and our family right now.

- Don't spend a lot of money on toys for kids because their favorite toys really can be found in the kitchen. There is nothing like banging on pots and pans, taking bowls out of cabinets, and digging in drawers.

- Write down every time that you pay a medical bill. Not something that I thought I would learn this year, but it has become a very important part of our book keeping. Hospitals and doctors will send you the same bill multiple times and if you haven't kept good books then you will end up paying something twice. Lesson learned!

- You can't let your messy house drive you crazy. I like a very neat pulled together house. Pre-child I could clean my entire house in a couple hours and then go about my day. Now it is a marathon instead of a sprint, as are so many things in parenthood. I am constantly picking up, sweeping, and picking up again. At the end of a long day I find that I want to clean the whole house so it is clean when we start over the next day, but I have to realize that at some point I just need to go to sleep and let it go. This, like the rest of my life, is still a work in progress.

-Be willing to take help when it is offered. I didn't think I would be good at this going into parenthood, but with all the difficult things I had to face this year I became a pro at it. I was forced to allow myself to let others do so much for me over the past year and I truly feel that being able to do this was healing not only for me, but for the people who were helping me as well. People cooked us food, cleaned our house, watched our son, and so much more, all of which helped me weather some horribly difficult storms.

-I have said this before on this blog, but it is truly a large lesson I have learned this year, each day is a new day. This means that if yesterday I was a basket case or not so great of a mommy, it's ok because tomorrow is a new day with a new chance to be happy and a better mommy. 

-And the biggest life lesson of all, Strive to be happy!!! My Grandma Blakley use to tell me all the time, 'just be happy.' It seems like such a simple thing, but at times this is hard work. As a parent this means slowing down, taking time to actually play with your kids not just watching them play, laugh with them, smile with them, hug and kiss, and be silly. I strive to be happy each day and I am lucky to have a wonderfully happy boy to help me with this each day.