If we had known then what we know now

A year ago, October 25th, Zach and I found out that we were going to be parents. The story of us finding out goes as follows: Anna had been in town the weekend of the 24th and 25th. On the 24th we had gone to see Phantom of the Opera at The Fox, during which my stomach felt weird and crampy, but I ignored it because I was confident that I wasn't pregnant. On Sunday, the 25th, Anna went back to OK and Zach and I randomly started researching buying a treadmill on Craigs list. We ended up buying one and while Zach was going to pick it up I decided I would take a pregnancy test just for kicks. I would never had done this if I in anyway thought I was actually pregnant. Of course I was pregnant and I met Zach on the front porch with a look of terror on my face.

We had planned on getting pregnant and this of course was the end result we had been praying for, but we were not going into parenthood lightly. Both of us have/had (still not clear on how to phrase things now) amazing parents who have dedicated their lives to their children Parents who would sacrifice everything to make the lives of their children and Grandchildren better. So we knew what a huge responsibility this was. We both knew and were prepared for the fact that once we had a child it was no longer about us and the things we wanted to do. So yes, the realization that we were going to be parents was met with a big freak out. The evening ended with us both feeling a little guilty that our initial reaction wasn't elation. We vowed that we would try again the next day, October 26th. This picture is the picture we took of ourselves before we left for our celebratory diner at Deweys. Our first family photo.

October 26, 2009 was the start of a very short period of time where all was right in our little world. We had a new beautiful house, we both had great jobs, our families were all doing well, and the baby we had been waiting so long to have was on the way. I did feel miserable for basically the entire 9 months, but it was all going to be worth it when we met our perfect baby boy. That night we went to Dewey's for pizza and a night  full of conversations about our new life as parents. It was the start of a nine month celebration of the little life we had created and were waiting patiently to meet. If we had known then what we know now I wonder what this time would have been like?

October 25th this year will be a day of tests yet again. This year it will be full of tests making sure our baby is ready for his second chance at life. He will be getting an echo, EKG, chest x-ray, pre-op blood work, and a consultation with the anesthesiologist. It is going to be a long day for everyone and I'm sure ending in another large freak out by Zane's parents.

October 26, 2010 will be the hardest day any of us have faced. Zane has no idea what is about to happen and in good news will not remember it or be traumatized by it for years to come. The day will be full of prayers, Zane will be surrounded by these prayers and the presence of all his loved ones that have gone before us. This day will hopefully end with a celebration of his life once again. A celebration of his second chance, that if he had been born 60 years ago, he would not have had and we would not have had the blessing of this sweet baby boy for years to come. I dread this day, but this year it will also be another day to celebrate our new little life.