A month gone by

I got up with Zane early this morning and he quickly went back to sleep in his swing. I decided I would try to pull myself together a little bit for work today instead of just putting on my glasses and calling it good. Keep in mind "pulling myself together" entails putting on a little make up and wearing contacts.

On the dark drive to work this morning I realized what day it was, October 7th. I burst into tears as I realized that a month had passed since Dad died. In a way it was strange because months often would pass without me actually seeing my father, but rarely would a few days go by without talking to him. I quickly tried to gather myself because I knew I had a long day at work ahead of me and I couldn't let the emotions of all that I miss creep into my head or I would be unable to do my job.

However, for the rest of my silent ride to work I contemplated the reality of all that I miss and will miss about my Dad. I tried to imagine a future where there would be no more random phone calls from Dad, checking in on me, or calling me to ask how Able or Abbey were doing. No more long emotional conversations about how proud he was of us, how amazed he was of the work I did, how glad and grateful he was that I had found a wonder husband to share my life with, or how much he loved me. All the random scientific knowledge that I didn't ever really learn because I knew that it was a phone call away, like what kind of dirt I need for my gardens, which plants grow well together ect, all gone now. These things were, at times frustrating, to my siblings and I in the past. We often had little patience for Dad's emotional rants or science lectures, I regret that now, and would give anything to have one of those conversations now.

Needless to say when I arrived at work I was fully regretting wearing contacts, as they were completely covered in make up and rendered useless. I did my job, though admittedly not well, and with a lot of help from the wonderful girls I work with. As I walked down to breakfast I thought about how much Dad would have loved Children's Hospital. I could just picture him pulling aside Zane's nurses and having long conversations with them about how wonderful they are and how they are doing God's work. He would tell them his life story and we would all have been slightly embarrassed. Now he will be watching over all of us, giving us strength, and being with my baby boy when I cannot.